I haven't gained strength since I lost my parents

I lost my parents one after another in the past 2 years
There are times when I live far away, and in recent years I was helped by the COVID-19 pandemic, and as a result of leaving my elderly parents alone, my daily life became unmanageable, and my mother collapsed
At that timing, the father was also admitted to a nursing home for the elderly, and as a result, they were forced to take their homes from the two
After that, my mother passed away, and my father passed away a year later
My father's last six months were exhausting due to work and raising children, so I didn't go see him very often, which made me feel lonely
And then I let my father pass away alone
My older brother's wife arranged all the funerals, etc., and my sister-in-law cleaned up the inheritance after that
I didn't do anything, I didn't take care of my parents, and I was given some wealth

It's so irresponsible that I seem to have a backlash

I can't even look at the pictures of the two
However, when I feel sorry and think my parents would have been deeply hurt, I'm scared to look at their faces
I want to get out of this state, but I also feel like it's not permissible, and I'm swayed by feelings that it would be different even for me, such as that I should be punished

Will the day come when my mind will be at peace

4 Zen Responses

No matter what kind of connection you have, you can only live in your own position.

Parents will always be there for me. That's how I think, I want to think.
That's why when there's a death where you never meet again, regret strikes you unbearably...

I'm sorry I couldn't do anything.
I should have done more filial piety.
even though I've been raised up to this point...
I'm lonely. I want to meet you. I want them to call my name again.
Dad and mom want to be spoiled.
That feeling makes me burst into tears, doesn't it?

Everyone can only live in their own position, no matter what kind of connection they have.
Your current environment is also important to you. As a parent, raising children and work are important things right in front of you.
It's impossible to live a carefree life without getting away from everything that's important.

I never put my parents on the back burner at my parents' house. There was a life right in front of me where I had to work more than that. In that environment, you too have lived to the fullest.

I think so too. If I had many people, and if I had a door anywhere, I could do anything I wanted to do. But I have only one body. I have no choice but to live where I am right in front of me.

I wonder if everyone in the family is like that. Your parents never blamed you either, did they? You're doing your best to live your life right now. That must have been my parents' wish, too. The daughter, who lives independently in a remote land, must have been a source of pride for her parents.

My older brother and sister-in-law are also family for my parents. Everyone supported their parents while thinking about them from their own standpoint.

thank you.
Isn't it enough to communicate that to each other?

If you only look at the end of your parents' lives, you may feel that they must have been lonely, but their parents were by no means unhappy. This is how they were blessed with their families, and they must have felt happy.

The life that is saved by the Buddha will bind you from the Pure Land of Peace of Mind. A relationship with the Buddha. A lot of thanks. What you received from your parents has been properly inherited within you, isn't it? It will continue to support your heart.

Your life was given to you by your parents.
I can be thankful for a lot of things rather than blaming myself. Please be yourself.

For those of you who have feelings for your late parents. Don't blame yourself.

Nice to meet you. It's called the monk's hearing method.

I sincerely understand that you are now tormented by deep sorrow and regret after losing your parents in the past 2 years.

While busy with work and child-rearing in your 40s, the “guilt” of not being able to meet your parents easily and left all the funerals etc. to your older brother is proof that you really cared about your parents. This painful feeling is not a bad thing at all, and it is nothing but the opposite of your deep love for your parents.

In the Shinshu sect, it is explained that no matter what state we are in, Amida puts on a “petition” with a strong desire to save our whole “as is.” Your “regrets about not being able to meet” and “the guilt of leaving it up to you” are all in the light of Amida's great mercy.

Your parents probably understood your busy everyday life better than anyone else and wanted you to be happy above all else. From now on, please take time to sit in front of your parents and put your hands together, not “I'm sorry,” but “Thank you, Mom, Dad.”

Stop blaming yourself. Living powerfully for your future life with a heart of gratitude to your parents, rather than regrets, will be the most precious memorial service. Amida is always with her parents' wishes.

Worship
Engiji Temple Shakujo

Parents die children die grandchildren die

When someone asks Ikkyu-san to write some congratulatory words,
It seems that they wrote “Children whose parents die die, grandchildren die.”
In other words, it means that dying in order of age due to lifespan is actually a happy thing.
You should take over and return the “blessings” (not sins) you have received from the older generation without being caught up in the past for your future children with a cheerful feeling, such as feeling sorry for your parents or sorry for your older siblings.
The past is gone.
The body's cells are replaced by metabolism, and the mind floats and disappears moment by moment, changing.
That's why I'm being reborn as a new self every moment.
The past is like a previous life.
Instead of spending this life feeling depressed by regretting the mistakes of a past life, let's make use of the lessons from previous lives to live brightly and peacefully now and here.
As long as you can do what you can, it's a successful life.

They are facing each other well, aren't they?

Thank you for asking such a painful question.

I felt you were on the better side.

I'll give you a simple answer.

Please don't forget how you feel right now.

There was a sentence about raising children.

I think there are a lot of difficult things.

What will you look like in the future
Please show it to your deceased parents.

Nothing more, nothing less.

Because you're also a parent with kids.
What do you look for in a child?
Aren't children happy?

Gassho

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