Neurosis due to a fight between siblings

From your words, I was able to tell you that you have been fighting in the midst of long and deep suffering.

Sibling fights are repeated every day. It won't stop even if I stop it. I have no choice but to scream. Every time I did that, I fell into self-loathing, and I felt that I was at my limit. Really, I think I've been able to endure this far very well.

I don't think the reason you get angry is because you're cold or because you don't love children. Actually, I want to live peacefully. I want to laugh with each other. That's all, and it doesn't work no matter what. That strong wish continued to be betrayed, so anger exploded and my heart was worn out.

There is an important teaching in Buddhism that “life doesn't go the way you want it to.” But that doesn't mean you just have to be patient. It's a teaching that the way we look at life changes drastically depending on “how we face reality that doesn't turn out the way we want.” Right now, while blaming yourself, you continue to face it desperately. That's why I want you to change your perspective once again and think about protecting yourself.

First, don't think too much about sibling fights as “something that should be stopped.” If you hear a loud voice making noise, put on earplugs, play music with headphones, go outside and take a deep breath, what you need now is not “trying to be the right parent,” but “not breaking any more,” isn't it?

Also, now that your mind has reached its limit, please give “SOS as a parent” to a specialized third party. Please tell the local child counseling center, public health nurse, family child counseling office, etc. not at school, about your very state of “I can't stand it anymore.” I think you need support to protect your heart before trying to change your child.

Also, if possible, I think it's okay to choose to “rest” even if it's just for a short while. Aren't you bound by the assumption that we shouldn't be separated because it's a family? If it's really the limit, temporarily staying at your parents' house or relatives is also a great way to deal with it.

You now wish “I just want to live a normal, peaceful life.” That wish is more important than anything else, and it is something that should be protected. To that end, please first put a hand on your heart and say, “I'm in pain right now.”

Anger, tears, and cries all within you may actually be a cry for “I wanted to love you more.” Please don't blame yourself too much.

I sincerely hope that the day will come when your heart can breathe slowly.

I read it.
The kids are always fighting, and it's getting really hard for you too, and you're feeling neurotic. I don't know the details about you or your children, but I really understand your painful feelings.
I think your heart is also very exhausted by the kids' fights that continue every day. Since you are human, of course, I think your mind also has limits. I think your mind has reached its limit, too.
You are important too. Please give your heart a rest first. I think it's okay to leave your children to someone you can trust, or consult with a local government child home center or child counseling center and use temporary care etc. Also, I think it's okay to get away from your kids even a little bit.
Recently, there has been an increase in the number of temporary foster parents.
So let's get active support.
Various local governments are providing support by utilizing foster care systems.

First of all, I sincerely pray that you can live every day with peace of mind, that your children will grow healthily while being protected by many people, and that you and your children will continue to live a rich and happy life. Close to the Heart m (__) m

There is also a possibility that either or both siblings have developmental disabilities.
For example, there is a possibility that you can also use a method of consulting with a public health nurse at a child counseling center or government office, and having either of the siblings stay for a short time (stay at an orphanage, etc.) and not let the siblings come into physical contact.
Also, depending on the type of person with a developmental disability, it may be improved with medicine.
Anyway, no matter what kind of suffering, life has no choice but to keep testing that method.
Suffering does not go away from living things; it just changes the shape of suffering moment by moment.
Dealing with suffering (homework) not only changes shape moment by moment, but it never goes away.
If you do what you can now to the extent you can, you will pass the life.
It's also necessary to do what you can and give up on the results to some extent.

That's tough, isn't it?
If I had to say it, I don't think it would be easy to retreat. You won't be able to stop until it settles down...

It is especially difficult for young children to organize and process their emotions. So, when they catch your eye or are irritated, you can't stop them, and they even talk about things you don't need to say. Then, it makes the other person angry. Being repeated is exactly the case, and rather than learning from experience, they are probably drawn by sudden emotions in front of them and heated up.

The energy of fighting is exhausting. Why is this happening. see you again. I've done it again. and self-loathing.

If you can't control it, take a physical break and train to calm down. We won't let them enter each other's rooms. Anger is processed in one's room (after calming it down) and then leaving the room.

We won't fight! Rather than a reprimand, “let's explain the reason in words,” “if you're not satisfied, there's no need to understand each other,” “but the other party is the other party. “Even if I don't understand it, I'll try to pass it on,” he admonishes them not to collide with each other.

Discussions (quarrels) are brought up to a family meeting with the husband.
Why don't you work with your family so that you can calm down in a place where you can face (argue) calmly, rather than putting your hands in a fight.

However, since you yourself are in a situation where you are dizzy, have tinnitus, and are taking tranquilizers, it's also important to evacuate yourself.
It is said that public consultations are also being given, but let's try consulting to protect mothers at child-rearing family centers (child-rearing generation comprehensive support centers), family child counseling rooms, etc.

It would be nice if I could rely on my husband...
There are times when boys get their father's words.