A conversation with my freelancer boyfriend who can't see the future

Let me talk about my boyfriend in his late 20s that I've been in a long distance relationship with for about 2 years.
I'm currently a graduate student. A few months later, he was offered a job offer in the city where he lives, and originally it was a fun time, but now I feel a strong sense of anxiety and burden about getting closer to him.
He was really kind and supportive before when I was terribly mentally depressed due to family issues. I'm still deeply grateful for that kindness, and otherwise, they are very comfortable, and I thought we had a good relationship until now.
However, he began to think realistically about the future, and anxiety about his current situation is growing.
While finishing high school and working as a freelancer, he dreams of personal success as an influencer. (I even went to an actor's school along the way.) It seems that they used to do group activities, but now they mainly do solo activities. However, it is not uncommon for the content to be completely shared by someone else, and it is not uncommon for it to be posted every few months without being able to continue.
In terms of life, we continue to be far from independent.
・I don't put money into the house, I don't do housework at all, and I depend on my parents' house for almost everything in my life, such as financial aspects
・An irregular lifestyle where you spend the night immersed in games and the internet and sleep during the day
・In addition to that, they have chronic illnesses with risks such as future complications, etc., and may interfere with daily life
I don't have the confidence to continue supporting him for the rest of his life with all of this. When we try to talk about the future, he becomes emotional, saying “don't you believe in my potential?” and “who do you intend,” and he refuses to discuss it. Even so, they only bring up stories about “I want to live together soon” and cohabitation, so I'm struggling with the temperature difference.
Recently, I feel like it's my duty to get in touch with him, and I avoid meeting him until I tell lies. I also feel a strong sense of guilt for myself, who is relieved that we haven't met.
I will soon become a member of society, and I have a feeling that the gap in values will widen further with him as he is. At the end, I want to convey all of my feelings, be convinced, and make a settlement, but what should I do to start talking about a “realistic future” without making him angry? It is said that “dreams have been denied,” and they want them to stop talking about the future...
Currently, I am mentally and physically exhausted by this trouble, and I would be happy if you could give me positive advice and words that would push my back. Thank you for your support.

4 Zen Responses

Trust your instincts and embark on a new good relationship.

Thank you for your consultation. Amidst expectations for a new environment, I deeply understand the feeling of being shaken between past indebtedness and actual anxiety.

Buddhism explains that everything is “impermanent” as it changes. Even if the guy who supported you in the past and the guy you are facing now are the same person, their minds and circumstances have changed. It's important to be grateful for past kindness, but that appreciation must not become an “obsession” and become a chain that sacrifices your own future or peace of mind.

The fact that you feel “relieved” without meeting him is by no means heartless, but an honest cry that your life is “overdoing it.” There's no need to feel guilty about that.

If walking together causes each other suffering, then that “relationship” may have reached a time when they should break up once. Facing his own reality is his own challenge, and it's not something you can shoulder.

Having the courage to put a break in the current relationship means valuing yourself, and in turn, it can also be said that it is mercy that triggers him to become independent. Please trust your instincts and embark on a new good relationship.

Worship
Engiji Temple Shakujo

A story about breaking up right now

You can't control his future or his life the way you want, so I think it's better to talk about “breaking up right now” without talking about the future.
If they live together, they'll cheat.
If you live together, you can save on living expenses such as rent, etc., so there is a possibility that he who has no money wants to live together for financial reasons.
Also, if he really succeeds and becomes famous, there's no guarantee that he'll have you as a lifelong companion.
His high level of pride can also be seen from his statement “who do you intend to be,” so when you succeed, you may want to dismiss young beauties who are envied by those around you, and there is also a risk that they will easily abandon you.
Not being able to talk about the future is probably a story about not being able to promise not to abandon you even if you succeed.

Let's have a thorough discussion

I read it.
I read that your values between you and him have opened up and you are very worried. I don't know the details about you and him, but it really conveys your feelings, and I feel like I understand them. I understand your feelings from the bottom of my heart.
You have a future, and so does he. So I think it's very important to talk positively about the future, or rather the future.
Maybe what he envisions is far from reality, or maybe he himself has escaped reality. If that's the case, you might not be able to discuss it with him.
He may have supported and helped you until now. Maybe that's something I should really be thankful for.
Nonetheless, if you and him can't think about the future, it may be difficult to walk together.
We are changing, and changing, day by day. It's something that changes and grows both physically and mentally.
I think it's also wonderful to talk about dreams and hopes. Also, it's wonderful to think for yourself and start walking towards your own future, and in a sense, it's necessary for living.
In any case, if you are thinking about cohabitation, please carefully face and discuss how you want to live in the future and how it is desirable to move forward.
I sincerely pray that you and he can imagine the future for yourself, walk forward on your own, and grow healthily, so that you can live a fulfilling life both mentally and physically with your loved ones.
And I wholeheartedly support you and him.

The conditions are different between a relationship as a lover and a relationship with marriage in mind

It means that his lifestyle and way of life don't suit you. Even if you can support him for what he wants to do, you can't see a future where you walk together (you don't want it), right?

Even if it's a good person who supported you or someone you like, living together and living together is something you look forward to future marriage, isn't it? However, there is also a big difference in values, and there is a lot of anxiety about life planning. A relationship as a lover and a relationship that is marriage conscious are also different in terms of conditions that you want to cherish.

The fact that he says what kind of person he is is that he doesn't have an attitude of facing each other properly, and I also feel that he has a moral temperament. How about telling them, “There are differences in values and anxiety about my future, and it's difficult to stay in a relationship like this at this point.”

After a few months, you're going to the city where he is, right? The fact that it was a long distance means moving there, right? I think it would be better to wait a bit before we give you information on your new home. If discussions get bogged down, please manage your personal information carefully in order to protect yourself.

Also, if you have any concerns about your family issues, even Hasunoha can help you, so rely on them.

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