I want you to say it's okay to shake it off
I was born to a father who has always been abusive and abusive.
I was ridiculed for choosing a vocational school as a place to go on to college, and my siblings were judged superior or inferior.
While my mother was in the hospital, I was dependent on alcohol despite doing all the housework for my father who came home from work and couldn't do anything, and said, “You're inferior as a person. living alone? A few years ago, I was told that “there's no way I'll let you cross our threshold and it won't work anyway,” and “when your mother comes back, you won't be able to go anywhere to play.”
I wonder if my mother has been discharged from the hospital in the past few years, and it's quiet, but there was still a lot of disgust, tingling, and my heart was worn out. I feel like my father was forgiven without permission.
My mother was blown away by me, so I can endure it. That said, “My father said this about you” and “My father (my grandfather for me) didn't say such terrible things” in front of me without being able to choose my parents.
I was so furious that I had kept quiet until now over such a trivial matter that I didn't even understand. I went mad at a level where I could hear the big cry even in the neighborhood. Even after that, my anger didn't subside, and I hit things and walls, vomited, and lost my appetite. This is my first time doing this.
I think I have no choice but to live alone, so I decide, but am I a cold person? I want someone to clearly say that it's not my fault and that this anger is justified.