Lookism and me

I feel a strong complex about my appearance. My face is plain, short, my chest is small, I'm fat... I've been bullied and teased since I was a child for my appearance. I was born with a plain appearance that didn't resemble my mother's glamorous appearance, and I was also disappointed by my family. Also, when I became a university student, I went from the countryside to an urban university, and since middle and high school rules were strict, I had a strong desire to fully enjoy fashion where I could express myself. However, as soon as I entered school, I was moderately used as a complement by good-looking girl bullies. That was traumatic, and I couldn't do the fashion I had been looking forward to, I couldn't choose my own clothes, and I only wore clothes recommended by my mother, who came to play once in a while. Also, when I went out with my mom, I saw outfits I had worked so hard to think about while researching, and my mother said, “I don't want to walk together.” Even when I was betrayed by my ex or harassed by the opposite sex, when I talked to my mother, she said, “Isn't it because she looks kind?” I was told, and even when I looked it up on the internet, it came up that “people with a quiet and kind appearance are prone to being bullied,” and I despaired that it was unavoidable to be bullied. Right now, it's painful to stand next to someone who looks better than me, and I know it's not good, but even people I don't know will walk away softly when someone with a good appearance comes next to me.
I've always been bullied and traumatized by my appearance, but on the other hand, I'm also disgusted by “policore,” which imposes diversity in appearance, etc. For example, I'm frustrated by expressions where a beautiful character with a good game style is trying to be made obese because “because it's sexual,” characters who originally have white skin color change their skin color by saying it's “racist,” and companies oppose lookism and are arranged with words and calculations representing beauty standards I didn't know until now. For someone like me who is traumatized by appearance and distressed by distortion, living in a complicated modern age is more of a stuck game than hard mode.
No matter how hard you try by researching personal colors and face types and thinking about what suits you, no matter how hard you try, if you don't have what you were born with, you can't have a “perfect, no one says anything, nothing is done,” so it's hopeless.

4 Zen Responses

The pain of not being able to get what you want

Let's take a look at it from a larger perspective.
In Buddhism, it is said that living things do not eliminate suffering, dissatisfaction, or coping with suffering.
However, the form of suffering changes moment by moment, and the way we deal with suffering (homework for each moment) just changes each time.
For example, there is a typical category of suffering called four struggles, and among them, there is “unrequited hardship,” suffering of not being able to obtain what you seek.
In other words, the teaching of Buddha (Buddha, the one who learned the truth) is that humans and animals always cannot get what they want.
For example, if you look at politicians, there are people who received tens of thousands of votes and tens of thousands of votes and won the election, but not all of them are beautiful men and women.
A sense of cleanliness is necessary, but it seems that lookism is not important in the political world.
When looking at humanity as a whole and 100 years of life in general from a broad perspective, it can be said that the area where appearance is emphasized is a very small area.
Therefore, it will be a brighter and more enjoyable life if you make effective use of what you can realistically obtain rather than worry and suffer from seeing what you don't have.
Incidentally, many Japanese people have a single eyelid complex, and it seems that single eyelids evolved to protect the eyeball from the cold.
The reason why Japanese people don't have small faces compared to people of African descent is probably because they are more resistant to the cold.
Being short, and depending on the type of sport or occupation, it is also advantageous to be able to move compactly.
I think genes for a plain face and a small body have survived because they are necessary as variations for the entire human race.
It's a world where you can even become a politician even if your appearance is poor.
It might be better to be aware of how to produce yourself and get along with others (way of speaking, facial expressions, etc.).

There are people in the world who complain no matter what they do. So don't worry about other people's evaluations. More than that, it's important to evaluate yourself. It's important to do what you want to do and be satisfied with yourself. I think your attitude of taking care of your own individuality is amazing.
Buddha also said, “There are no people in this world who are only criticized, and there are no people who are only praised.” That's because it was said.

Please meet not only the beauty of your appearance, but also the strength and support that will give you confidence

If someone somewhere in your life takes good care of you. If you've been able to live your life feeling valued, I think you've gained confidence.
People are concerned about appearance, and it is probably humans who want to look for beauty as well. However, “appearance” is only a part of that person's characteristics, and there is nothing in common in terms of “beauty.”
There are also people who think good things are beautiful. There are also people who evaluate not only visual information, but also words and actions as wonderful and beautiful. If you start to express that the world is beautiful, it will become synonymous with beautiful things.

What we feel is beautiful is an incomparable individual subjectivity, influenced by individual experiences and culture.

Judging, blaming, and attacking people based on lookism is violence, and the same people are creating an unequal and discriminatory society. That's stupid. It's frustrating to wonder why I have to suffer from the atrocities of such foolish people... that's why I start to feel complicated.

“Power” can also be used as a weapon to protect oneself. Violence is unforgivable, but what makes it easy to head towards is lack of confidence. I think there are times when it's easy to be forced upon too much, or it's easy to be turned into a punching bag. That's why let's acquire the power to gain confidence to protect ourselves.

The ability to argue, the ability to argue, reliable information and knowledge for that purpose, confidence to enhance oneself, and the ability to believe and love oneself. By having that kind of power, I think anyone will have strength and beauty that won't make anyone say anything.

I'm not strong either, but I think I've been blessed with the environment and people. That's because I also have support that gives me strength.

Even if you get the look you want, unfortunately it won't last forever, and it will decline day by day. Please find beauty as you age in it, and discover not only the beauty of your appearance, but also the strength and support that will give you confidence.

Make a difference in shape, and if you have good or ugly, you will get the right sense (4th vow of Amida Buddha)

I read your consultation.

I felt that your wish is not that you want to have a good appearance, but that you want to be freed from being obsessed with appearance.

There is no doubt that the problem of physical appearance, or evaluation of appearance, has plagued humans since ancient times.
Therefore, in the sutras that the Jodo religion values in Buddhism, the world called the Pure Land is considered as a world for establishing salvation for those people, and it is hoped that people born there will not be superior or ugly in appearance or appearance.

In the sutras, it is explained that “there are no differences in shape (I want to make sure there are no differences)” as a way to do this. If you look only at the letters, it means that if they are in the same shape, evaluations such as excellent or ugly will not be born there. It means they all look the same.

But if that were the case, I would feel like the meaning of your existence as you and me would be lost. That's because we're all the same, we're all in the same group.

While interpreting the heart contained in the sutras from there, it is accepted that this does not mean that they should look the same, but rather that they want to get rid of the heart that is judged and divided between beautiful and ugly, that is, the only thing that is bound by beauty and ugliness.

It is explained that salvation is established as a country called the Pure Land, or place. This shows that individual human salvation is not true salvation. It doesn't mean that if one suffering person has an excellent appearance, that's fine. Nor is it good to erase people other than those who are suffering. After all, there are people and encounters in a country. It is probably true salvation only if we go beyond being caught up in beauty and ugliness in the relationships between people.

I think you're really looking for a relationship where you shine as you, someone shines as someone else, and you can acknowledge each other's headlines.

Of course, it may be important for you to make an effort to be recognized for your appearance by yourself, but you may also re-accept yourself in a relationship that accepts you.

There is a perfect look somewhere. This is not determined by birth, and I think there is salvation that goes beyond appearance issues only in relationships where people can respect each other during encounters no matter what kind of person they are.

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