I want to fix my own distortions.

First of all, I would like to express my deep respect for the fact that they have worked so hard to survive in a harsh environment until today.

You are described as “distorted (distorted),” but please never belittle yourself. The “strong body” and “loud voice” that you are concerned about are, so to speak, “armor of the heart,” worn to protect yourself from past suffering, and they are precious “proof” that you have survived. Just as trees that have withstood the wind and snow show unique branching, this is nothing unusual; it is your hard work itself.

There's no need to blame yourself for trying to be “just like everyone else.” Above all, your gentle and attentive husband is by your side right now. Isn't that the answer? Your husband probably cares about you, including your “form of surviving.”

Please do not try to force yourself to correct it, and first take care of your own mind and body, saying, “You've protected me well until now.” The day I lose my strength is not a time when I'm desperate to “heal,” but I think it will suddenly come when I can forgive myself for who I am now.
You are worthy enough just the way you are. Please don't worry.

worship
Engiji Temple Shakujo

You're not distorted.
I've just been nervous all this time to survive.

In homes with yelling and violence, the body is constantly in alert mode.
Clench your teeth, apply strength to your shoulders, and take a posture where you can respond instantaneously.
It's not a personality, it's a defensive reaction.
It's not because it's broken that only the body remains what it used to be, even though it's safe now.
Rather, you can notice a “sense of incongruity” only when you come to an environment where you can feel safe.

Poor posture and sudden loud voices are also neurological habits.
The sympathetic nerve becomes dominant due to years of tension, breathing becomes shallow, and strength cannot be lost.
It's not that you're crazy, it's just that your body hasn't “let go of its guard” yet.

You don't have to force yourself to say, “I have to love who I am now.”
However, please don't make them enemies.
Your body worked so hard to protect you in that environment.

Let's start with the little things.
・If your back teeth are touching, gently release them
・Breathe in for 4 seconds and exhale for 6 seconds several times a day
・Feel the soles of your feet when walking

The body can relearn peace of mind.
Recovery is not “becoming a different person,” but “relaxing little by little as you are now.”

The day will come when we can live naturally.
You're already in a safe place.

The first thing I want to tell you is that you are not “distorted,” but that you have a “surviving body and mind.” Children who grow up amidst shouting and violence must be constantly nervous, put strength into their bodies to protect themselves, and be able to respond instantaneously. It's just that habit that still remains.

That wasn't a flaw, and I think it was an important defensive response that protected you back then.

The reason why the sense of incongruity becomes stronger now that we are in a calm environment is that it is precisely because we are finally safe that our body says, “Don't we have to fight anymore?” That's because I'm confused. People who grew up unaware of safety are more aware of their own nervousness in silence. It's not your fault. Rather, being able to objectively view myself up to this point is itself proof of a major recovery.

Poor posture, louder voice, and strength in the back teeth are neurological habits rather than mental problems. Years of tension are ingrained in the autonomic nervous system. So isn't it important to have the viewpoint of “reassuring your body” rather than “fixing your personality.”

First, just be aware of exhaling for a long time, several times a day. I exhale rather than inhale. slowly. With this alone, little by little, your nerves will learn “it's safe now.” There is no need for major reforms.

Also, you don't have to force yourself to say, “I have to love who I am now.” It doesn't matter if you don't love them. It's enough just to acknowledge the fact that “you've endured this far.” Even if you don't like it, I don't think recovery will progress just by weakening the denial a little bit.

Because your husband is a quiet and attentive person, you continue to experience that serenity. It's not correction, it's relearning. People change little by little in a secure relationship. You don't have to be impatient.

Finally, I'll answer your questions. The day will come when we can live naturally and without our physical strength. However, it is not a form of dramatically “suddenly becoming a different person one day,” and I think it will come as an accumulation of small changes, such as “today I lost a little strength in my back teeth,” “I was able to take a breath before I made my voice rough,” and “there were days when my shoulders were light when walking.”

And rather than you “force yourself to make it with effort,” these small changes “naturally increase” as your body relearns safety.

You are in the middle where the body and mind you've been protecting are now finally beginning to unwind in peace. Please accept “the self you have protected” little by little rather than the “self you have to fix.” Please take care of yourself.

Kon-sama

There have already been a lot of responses, and you've also been thanked, so it feels like it's just now, so it may be bothersome.

If you don't mind, why don't you practice developing compassion (compassion: mercy)?
Recently, it has been said that self-compassion, which shows compassion for oneself, is effective.
People who are fearful even if they aren't abused or even abused by their parents can accept the awareness that I am bad, so the habit of criticizing themselves is ingrained.
What has an effect on this is compassion (compassion), or “mercy” in Buddhism.
It probably works for you, too, and you will gradually be able to stay at peace.
This is a reference book.
It is “Mental Care Exercise Book to Cultivate a Sense of Security” by Kenichi Asano (Iwasaki Academic Publishing Co., Ltd.).
If you don't mind, you can read it standing up at a bookstore, so please pick it up.

Even if it is difficult to cure sudden distortion, healing and a sense of safety and security can be obtained.
Let's go in from there.
Please try to find some kind of healing that you can do on your own, something you can feel safe about, and where you are safe. I'm sure it will come in handy.

I'm sorry for being kind to you.
Please refer to it.
One bow