About the future of him who has a criminal record and me who is a liar

We've been dating for 10 months on the matching app, and we're planning to remarry in April. He is in Niigata and I in Kanazawa, and he spends money and time to see me every week, he cares for my family, does housework, and we spend our birthdays and New Year holidays together.
He is jealous and unusually cares about my past heterosexual relationships and drinking parties. I'm not having an affair, but at work where there are many drinking parties, I lied to him, participated in drinking parties, hurt him many times, and lost his trust. Because of this, we got into fights and breakups over and over again, and we kept them connected each time.
I promised not to tell lies anymore in order to deal with him seriously, but due to my childhood habit, I couldn't stop telling small lies and deception, and I was blamed by him over and over again, fighting → parting ways → making up → continuing the relationship.
Meanwhile, I found out that he had a criminal record of fraud. Years have passed since they were released, but even now, there are posts with real names on the internet, and it is written that they are fraudsters who have deceived many women and have cars and cards in the name of women. In fact, I found cash cards and credit cards in multiple women's names.
After that, when I checked with him himself a while later, he told me about the incident. The card says, “I was in trouble with money, got into debt to my ex-girlfriend and kept it for repayment, and I've already disposed of it after repayment.”
I also thought about breaking up, but I decided to believe him based on his actions so far. He said, “It's all my fault that caused the incident, so I just need [me] to be honest without lying.” They said, and it looks like they're in a serious relationship.
However, there are times when I feel that his words and actions are contradictory. They haven't even told me the address yet. The other day, I found an SNS post with his name and characteristics written on it that “I met someone on the app and got scammed,” and a card in the name of a new woman. I haven't told him.
I don't know to what extent the information on the internet and SNS is true, and I don't think he's trying to deceive me because of his seriousness, but it's painful and unbearable when I think that there is a possibility that they may meet other women or continue to defraud me.
The relationship where they lie to each other is strange in the first place, and I don't even know if he really wants to join. I also think that if I can fix my liar and face him straight up, his suspicious behavior might go away. Normally, we should break up right away, but I love him and can't leave him.
What should we do in the future?

4 Zen Responses

I saw the consultation, and it was conveyed that you were deeply shaken between the desire to believe in the person you love and your anxiety and fear. It's very painful not to be able to rest before remarriage.

Shinran Shonin, the founder of the Jodo Shinshu sect, was explained that everyone had weaknesses and doubts. His habit of telling lies and his past made my heart close so tightly that I blamed each other for “I shouldn't be this who I am.” Start by quietly acknowledging that each other is an imperfect human being.

However, Buddhism is not a teaching which encourages patience or self-sacrifice. It's a teaching that values relationships where people can live with peace of mind. Marriages are built on trust. The fact that you haven't been told your address or that new doubts have arisen may be a voice that tells you “I want you to stop and think.”

The important thing is not to use a blaming tone, but to honestly convey “I feel this way” and calmly confirm specific facts. Also, before enrolling, we recommend having a place to discuss money, life, and past issues with a third party (family member or expert). Trust is fostered not only through words, but also through transparent actions.

Just because you like it, don't rush and have the courage to check it out. You can balance trusting others and protecting yourself. Please cherish the choices that lead to a future where you can smile with peace of mind. Gassho

I read it.
You're worried about what to do with his relationship, aren't you? I don't know the details about you or him, but I can tell you what you're worried about. I understand your feelings from the bottom of my heart.
After all, I think it is necessary to calm down and confirm the true meaning of dealing with him firmly.
Let's have a thorough conversation while asking ourselves whether we can really live together with him from now on without getting used to lying.
I think both you and he have a lot to think about.
Let's think carefully about whether we live by deceiving each other, whether we live together with a true heart, or whether we live by deceiving lies.
Please take good care of your life and his life.

Scammers trick ducks who can tell lies

If it were me, we'd break up.
I think you're still being scammed, too.
It doesn't mean that the girlfriend you broke up with has a credit card at home or something.
Normally, I don't lend such important things to people.
The victim's voice is probably true.
The victims are people who can see through.
People who don't notice they're being scammed are convenient partners for him.
I wouldn't believe Zettai even if he had washed his feet from that kind of thing anymore.
History has already proven it.
What's more, if you think such fraud is bad, you won't do anything similar related to it.
You're lying.
I'm not revealing my truth.
You'd better be careful too.
Let's pretend to be deceived, get smarter and smarter, break off relationships well, and search for another safe, homely partner.
Even if that was actually the case, I also hid that my ex-girlfriend was attached as an option. They say blatantly that people go to drinking parties while hiding it. I met my ex-girlfriend and got in touch with her. Do you have someone else's credit card at home? You won't rent it, right? usually.
It's probably about that kind of scammer.
If not, I think so. This is because facts tell the truth rather than words.
Even though people who have lied and deceived people should properly express their innocence, there are still mystery cards.
In the first place, it's too suspicious when you have someone else's card.
Doesn't that mean they're better at lying this time around?
There is also a possibility that they are heading towards crime without getting caught.

Scammers are called fraudsters because even though they tell lies, they are good at lying so that those lies are not revealed.
You lie too.
But my boyfriend is one step better, so let's break up by successfully tricking him into thinking this woman is no good anymore.
Scammers like stupid guys, people who can trick them, and people who can tell lies.
I don't like him.
Don't you just love sweet words that say good things and acts that make you feel like that with lies? That's a clever lie made by scammers and hosts. Everyone was tricked into paying money and went so far as to buy lies like that.
You are the only one who can save you.
I said it from the standpoint of saying that if I were a parent or brother or sister, I would do this.
A normal healthy person is not suspicious in the first place.

There is also a possibility that he will be swayed by his past actions in the future.

I also read your profile. They are two people who have had various experiences in terms of age, and have met.

When it comes to your lies, there's probably something you want to mislead even by lying (because you don't want to fight over this), and drinking parties will also have an impact on your work, right? But nowadays, workplaces with lots of drinking parties don't fit the times, do they? I think there are also employees who feel that it's disgusting or bothersome. Under such circumstances, I think he is also wondering if it is necessary to attend drinking parties so often.

I think it's also necessary to consider frequency. Take good care of your time with him. However, I wonder if you yourself like drinking parties and would like to attend them. Is that why they even want to lie?
If that's the case, I want him to understand your fun and be forgiving.

I'm worried that he's hiding something in his actions. I'd like to look at the future rather than the past, but if the two have a goal of getting married in the future, it means enrolling and becoming a family, so it's a problem that also affects children.
I don't even know where he is, so I only communicate with him on my smartphone? If something happens and communication is interrupted, I won't be able to connect with him anymore.

I don't want to think about it, but if multiple frauds have been committed, there is also a possibility that damages will be claimed even if they are currently undergoing trial, are being sued anew, or are not caught in civil matters. Even if you don't want to believe it, there is a possibility that you will be swayed by past actions in the future.

It makes me think I should be careful when it comes to marriage. The fact that he is hiding it also evokes such worries.

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