Heartbreak about stray cats over 15 years ago

About 15 years ago, I was feeding stray cats in my neighborhood. I was in the 6th grade of elementary school to middle school. The distance was getting closer little by day, but it was a cat I would never let me touch. Even so, when they came to the front of the house, they continued to feed them. At one point, my older brother started feeding too. My older brother can't treat animals with love. I was just feeding them for fun. At one point, I got angry at my older brother's attitude towards cats, and we got into a big fight. The window was empty, so they could probably hear the house next door. The next day, the wife from the house next door came to my house. That house hated cats. I was told not to feed them because they are having trouble with cat poop. My mother handled it. My family told me not to feed them. They screamed like always, but they didn't feed them. After that, the cat was hit by a car and died. I remember that the corpse was quiet one morning, probably when he hit his head across the street from the house. I cried. It was 15 years ago, but I still remember it all of a sudden, and I wish my older brother hadn't done anything superfluous at that time. What a terrible thing did I do when they came to get food as usual. As a teenager at that time, I had no choice but to follow what my family said. Even if they say that, it doesn't change the fact that one animal lives there. More than 15 years later, my heart still hurts. My memory from when I stopped feeding them until they died is vague, but I also remember that there was someone in my neighborhood who loved cats, and that person fed them too. However, since that person has many cats, there is a possibility that they were not getting food well. Anyway, there are definitely mistakes I've made, and I can't change them. After watching a stray cat die, I became a high school student and got a dog. I took great care of her because she was so cute. And the other day, she passed away due to old age. I cried for a few days thinking about my dog. And now that I've settled down, I'm reminded again of that cat when I was in middle school. Is it going to be painful to remember milestones from now on? What should I do?

4 Zen Responses

Living the present with care is the best memorial service for lives lost

Thank you for your consultation. How painful it must have been for you to keep blaming yourself for over 15 years, and even now that your dog has been abandoned.

The first thing I want to tell you is that you never made a “mistake” back then. As a child, it's no surprise that you had no choice but to follow your family's words. There are also debates about whether feeding feral cats is good or bad, but the fact that you were close to that little life at that time and had pure love never faded. Please don't blame yourself.

According to Buddhist teachings, cats, dogs, beautiful blooming flowers, and our human lives will all come to an end at some point. Everything that has life is born into this world through relationships, and when relationships run out, they leave.

Precisely because there is always an end to life, what we are left to do is not punish our past self, but to “live in the present” by cherishing the life we have been given. Please direct the kind look you gave them to your own “now” from now on. I think forgiving the past and living with care for the present is the best memorial service for the lives we have seen.

Worship
Engiji Temple Shakujo

Please tell those kids what you think

I read it.
Remembering that you had a past, you feel very sorry about that cat. It makes me think that if the siblings hadn't gotten into a fight, that cat might have been alive. And the dog I had the other day passed away, didn't it? That makes me feel extra sorry for the past, doesn't it? I don't know the details about you, your family, or your cat or dog, but I really understand your sad feelings.
Well, you won't be able to forget that cat. I used to feel that way too. I still remember that kid. No matter what, we end up fighting over trivial matters and end up making mistakes as a result.

I pray with all my heart that those cats and dogs will be at peace. Shishin Gassho Nanmu Amida Buddha Namu Amidabutsu

Please pray with all your heart that your cat or dog will be at ease from the bottom of your heart. We wholeheartedly agree

Those cats and dogs are always guided by the Buddha or God, and people and ancestors who have been close to you will kindly welcome their children. Those children are truly relieved to be saved from any hesitation, suffering, and pain along with their ancestors under the Buddha and God. Those children attain Buddhism cleanly and peacefully, and together with their ancestors, they look after you and everyone in a gentle and gentle manner.

Your feelings about cats and dogs will never go away. Please put your hands together with those children from the bottom of your heart and tell them your thoughts as they are... I'm sure your thoughts will reach those kids.

I pray that you will continue to cherish and be at ease with those children, and I sincerely pray for the Buddha, gods, ancestors, and children that those children will always kindly watch over you, and that you will continue to cherish the lives of living creatures and survive healthily. We wholeheartedly agree

And I sincerely pray to the Buddha, gods, ancestors, and their children so that one day you live a full life, the Buddha or God will guide you, and that their children will gently welcome you along with your ancestors, and that they will rejoice in the reunion. Shishin Gassho Nanmu Amida Buddha Namu Amidabutsu

Having the responsibility and determination to protect lives until the end, not just about the immediate future

There was such a past, wasn't it? When a precious life passes away, regrets will also arise if you wish you had done this even more. It is not easy for animals to coexist and coexist in human society. Even if they are easily loved, if there is no safe environment for animals there, it will interfere with their lives, and it is nothing but a nuisance for people around them.

You must understand that feeding stray cats can also be a problem for neighboring residents. If you love animals, you need responsibility and determination to understand the ecology of animals, responsibly prepare their environments, and protect their lives.

If you don't easily love a wild creature, you will also protect that creature. If you don't feed stray cats, cats won't get used to human life, choose a wild way of life, cross the road and may not have come to humans looking for food, or get into an accident.

After going through various experiences, let's learn from the lives of stray cats that caring for living things is not limited to the immediate future, but that they have the responsibility and determination to protect lives until the end. It also makes me think and mourn that child.

Gassho

Cats are carnivores

Stray cats, which are carnivores, must catch stray mice etc. and eat them.
Some mice may have been saved by the cat's death.
Cats look cute (they have faces that are pretty close to human children), so there are many people who have a special empathy for cats.
At the same time, even at Hasunoha, there are quite a few people who talk about their feelings of regret and guilt related to cats.
But why don't you take a step back and think about it?
That cat is one of many animals, and it has the same life as a mosquito killed by mosquito coils.
Since you're not the owner, you're not responsible for that cat.
It's not like you hit him to death either.
The past has passed away and is no longer there.
I don't think it's necessary to keep struggling with memory data from 15 years ago.
Right now, you too are a living animal.
It's better not to dwell on stored data that would make you suffer right now.
Why don't you take care of who you are now?
So,
“I don't just love cats and dogs”
“The past is just stored data”
Let's be aware of it.

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