My sense of remorse hasn't gone away and it's painful.

Shall I answer this for the third time? It doesn't matter at all if the sentences are disorganized. Thank you for revealing the inside of my painful heart.

How lonely and frightening it is to face past wounds through counseling while simultaneously blaming yourself for past mistakes. It's really painful to hear that you fall into self-loathing to the point where you feel nauseous.

In Buddhism, we all accept that we are “ordinary men (bonbu)” who make mistakes due to various relationships. The regrets of blaming yourself as the “bad guy” are probably born in a chain from the deep sorrow and heartbreak you've had since childhood. Shinran Shonin was taught that the light of Amida's mercy reaches straight to those who suffer deeply and struggle with such remorse.

It may still be difficult to forgive yourself right now. However, if you blame yourself for “I can't be this kind of person,” please first acknowledge “it was that painful, wasn't it?” The Buddha will never abandon you when you are full of wounds. Don't be impatient, let's forgive ourselves little by little, and walk together on the path of affirming the way we are. I'll always listen to your story.

Worship
Engiji Temple Shakujo

The violence you've been subjected to is because you didn't reach it, because it was your own fault, because you didn't make more effort... don't you think it's because you have your own cause? Isn't that what they've been told? I think I've come to take it for granted that I've been blamed.

But, you're getting hurt. it was painful.
At that time, if there were people who understood “it was hard” and “it was sad,” or “it was sad,” I wouldn't have had to spend every day putting up with it or just crying, and I might have had the strength to overcome it.

You've worked so hard up to this point. How much has it almost collapsed?
Take care of yourself like that. You don't have to blame me.
That's because it's fine now.
The number of people on your side has also increased, hasn't it? Your counselors and we are thinking of you.

If your childhood memories have come back, you're probably trying to face the past.
It's okay to get angry. I can't forgive it, I'm frustrated, I hate it.
If you hate yourself when you're alone, I want to love you. Any person you are is very important. Think of it as your sister or mother, and then spoil yourself. Let's overcome it together. Your happiness lies ahead, doesn't it? Let's stay connected until the day we can laugh together.

I read it.
You've recently been talking with your counselor, and you've come to be aware of the damage that has happened to you, and at the same time, you've become aware that you are the perpetrator, and you're very worried.

I think you have had a very difficult time, including questions from before, and you are still having a very difficult time. I don't know the details about you, but I accept your feelings from the bottom of my heart.
I think you've suffered a lot of unbearable damage up until now. Even under such circumstances, it makes you think that you are the perpetrator yourself.
I think your counselor is also listening to your thoughts. Take your time and talk to your counselor whatever you have in mind.

Among them, various things from the past will come back to life. Let's talk about your thoughts as you think carefully.
When that happens, don't blame yourself too much. I think it will be hard for you too. You won't be forced to exhale it, so please speak slowly and calmly.

Also, if you don't mind, please take your time here too. If possible, please discuss privacy-related matters individually online
You have always had relationships with us, and you have relationships with Buddha, gods, and ancestors. They are supported and protected while forming relationships with many people.

Please don't worry.
I sincerely pray to the Buddha, gods, and ancestors so that you can talk about your thoughts while being protected and supported by Buddha, gods, ancestors, and many others, so that your mind will be at ease, and that you can share your thoughts with many people and live a healthy life.
And I wholeheartedly support you. We wholeheartedly agree

Thank you Na for your consultation.

You think you're the perpetrator. You think of yourself as the bad guy.
It's not who you are. it's not you.
It's a fiction imprinted from others and their situations.

Being covered in loneliness and self-loathing
You weren't given to someone who originally gave you kindness or affection,
It's a secondary emotion that comes from not giving when you should have given it.
(I may have said it before, but I can say anything)
[You have nothing wrong and you are not responsible]
Probably, if you think about showing love to yourself and being kind,
The fear and loneliness I have received in the past
That's probably because they come out as a set.

When it's hard, when you're about to hate yourself, or when you feel lonely
First, let's calm your mind by taking a few deep breaths over and over again.
Also, let's tweet over and over again, “My heart is full of kindness.”
As I take a deep, relaxed breath, I murmur over and over again at my own rhythm.
Leave the place and go to a place where you feel safe and secure
Let's go to a place where you feel healed.
It doesn't matter if it's just an image like that.
Cultivating “kindness” within oneself through repetition and repetition
You will be able to reduce your loneliness and self-loathing and get rid of it.
Please don't worry. That “kindness” will definitely grow.
Compassion always reaches the bottom of your heart.
Please believe that.
Eventually, I placed kindness at the center of my heart, and became independent
You'll be able to be aware of it.
I think so.
Gassho ceremony