I have no control

I consulted and read it. In the midst of a very painful feeling, you put it into words like this. The first thing I want to tell you is that you looked back and said “I did something pitiful to your husband” and properly apologized. That appearance is definitely not a bad thing; rather, I think it is an important act of honesty.

Sometimes people can be surprisingly emotional, even themselves. In particular, now they are on childcare leave and there is little involvement with the outside world, and their husband is almost the only person they talk to. Furthermore, he is also worried about the second one. Such various thoughts have accumulated in my heart, and it may have overflowed all at once in the wake of a small event. This is by no means unusual.

Buddhism explains that the human mind is constantly fluctuating. Anger and sadness are also a natural part of being human. However, if you strongly blame that emotion as “I'm no good at being like this,” the suffering deepens even deeper. First, please take care of your heart a little bit, saying, “I'm so tired right now.”

I'm also worried that your husband's appearance is different from usual. Every person takes a different amount of time to sort out their minds, even when the event is the same. You might want to break things off with an apology, but maybe your husband still needs a little more time. That doesn't necessarily mean I'm blaming you.

I didn't force myself to try to restore it right away and said, “I'm really sorry about the other day. I think it's enough just to quietly express your feelings, saying, “I would be happy if I could speak normally again little by little.”

Also, when you're cornered to the point where you feel “I want to get away from this life,” it's also a sign that your heart is looking for a break. You are doing your best with various thoughts while raising your children and protecting your family. That alone is really difficult.

Please don't hold it alone, and sometimes take a deep breath and say to yourself, “That's enough for today.” I sincerely hope that you can regain even a little bit of peace. Gassho

Thank you very much for your consultation.
First of all, since you have carefully looked back on your feelings up to this point, I felt that Pecora was very serious and probably someone who cares about the people around her.
Looking back on what made you cry and even thinking about your husband and his impact on your child is no easy feat.

As for what happened this time, you may be feeling “I couldn't control myself,” but maybe those tears were like SOS when my heart was full.
There are few people I can talk to while on childcare leave, and my husband is almost the only person I can talk to. Furthermore, you're also having trouble with the second one. Under such circumstances, things that had accumulated in my heart may have overflowed.

From your husband's point of view, you may be surprised to see them crying and screaming all of a sudden, or you may be confused because you don't know how to take it.
If you only look at superficial events, you can't keep up with your understanding, and I think it seems like they are dragging on a bit.
However, if it is conveyed that there was a feeling of “pain” and “I want help” behind Pecora's actions, the way your husband receives it may change slightly.

In the case of men, it may be easier to understand if it is conveyed in the specific form of “what do you want” rather than the emotion itself. For instance,
“The other day I was so full of feelings that I cried, but I just wanted them to listen to the story.” “I feel relieved when you snuggle up to me a little bit.”
As such, one way is to try to gently convey your own condition and what you want.

And one more important thing is not to blame yourself too much for this.
There are times when people feel that there is no one who understands them, or when they have less room in their minds, their emotions overflow in unexpected ways. It's definitely not “because they're bad people.” That's because we all have human nature.

I think that being able to talk to someone in this way is proof that Pecora is trying to face her own heart. Please don't hold yourself too much alone, and take care of your own heart a little too.

I read it.
You're so anxious right now that you've become so emotional that you're crying and screaming. You're really worried because you can't control your feelings. Detailed information about you, your husband, your children, and relationships around you
I don't know, but I really understand that you are very worried and having a hard time.
Right now, there are no people around you that you can trust, and I think you feel very alone.
First of all, please know that you are by no means alone; you will be supported and protected by many people from now on.
You, your husband, and your children are always being kindly watched over by the Buddha, gods, and your ancestors. Please put your hands on the Buddha, gods, and ancestors and tell them your feelings from the bottom of your heart. Buddha, gods, and ancestors will always kindly accept your thoughts and gently snuggle up to your heart.
Please pray to the Buddha, God, or your ancestors whenever you feel uneasy or worried.
Also, please talk to the local government's children's home center, health insurance center, pediatrician or gynecologist in your area, and talk about how you feel.
Please talk about your concerns and concerns, your children, and your life, and actively receive various advice and support.
Again, you're never alone. There are a lot of people who can consult and support you because you don't feel at ease.
Also, here, you have a relationship with us. Please take your time and express your feelings.
You can be accepted and supported by many people, and you can live your life.
I sincerely pray to the Buddha, God, and your ancestors so that you can live every day with peace of mind with the support and protection of many people, that you and your husband can care for each other and raise your children with peace of mind, and that everyone can live a happy life together. And I wholeheartedly support you, your husband, and your children.
Please let us know how you feel, and we look forward to welcoming you.

The worries of childcare and infertility treatment, and the loneliness of not having anyone around you to rely on. You're probably working hard to the limit right now.

What made you cry and scream may be the “cry” of your heart that you can't understand. I think the unsatisfied loneliness in my heart and the desire to be understood by my husband overflowed out as emotions without being aware of it.

The stress that has built up in my heart may have overflowed because there is a feeling that “if I'm not the best at everything, I just want to gain as much as possible.” However, there is no need to blame yourself for this, but it certainly made the other person feel bad, so let's reflect on that.

It's very futile not to be able to understand it even if you explain it to your husband. However, he said, “The words belong to the other party when you exhale them. It's up to the other party to decide how you feel.”
Even if you try your best to tell them, how you take it is on your husband's side, and it's not something you can control. So, if you tell the other person in a way that offends them, there is no choice but to sincerely apologize for it and then wait. That's because it's up to the other person to decide whether to forgive or not to forgive. The fact that I ended up with myself because I apologized is just complacency.

Humans are weak, and they want to run away right away.
Even if you are cornered to the point where you think “I want to be gone from life,” your heart probably wants to escape from the pain.

But I think you know that doesn't solve anything.
So, let your mind and body rest a little more slowly.
Also, if your loneliness, anxiety, and worries are at the root, isn't it most important to have your husband honestly understand it first?

In order to talk about that, it's important for you to calm your mind. For example, to ease your mind, smell your favorite scent, drink a warm drink slowly, or take in the beautiful scenery. This alone stabilizes the autonomic nerves.

You don't need to be impatient. Even if you just calmly ask them to listen to your honest feelings, it's a step towards understanding each other. Gassho

A trifle. But wasn't it something you wanted to cherish at that time for you?
Your emotions overflowed even when you cried out loud, didn't you? I think there was a feeling that “I wanted you to understand.”

There are also things that cannot be conveyed to men without explaining what and how they want to do it. Also, if your husband is doing his best, it would be nice if you could express your gratitude and gratitude by saying “thank you always” when you have time to spare.

I think raising children is a matter of searching for a married couple. I think both you and your husband have worked hard. The feeling of two people working together to do their best is also important, but once in a while, it is also necessary to take a good rest saying, “OK, OK?”

I want them to be the person who is closest to me and understands me the most! There were times when I hoped and tried too hard, but even when I was looking for perfection, that wasn't important, and the home was a cozy space for my husband. Let's have a leisurely discussion while thinking about whether we've been trying to build it together, or whether we're the only ones trying to push forward.

Also, there are many strong allies around me when it comes to raising children. There are many moms raising children, even if they don't have close friends nearby. Why don't you expand your community yourself? It makes me feel so much lighter even when there are people outside who understand me. Rather than relying only on your husband, let's expand our circle of dependability.

Please also rely on the Child-Raising Generation Comprehensive Support Center. They also tell me all kinds of concerns about raising children and information on child-rearing communities. It's better to have lots of places to let your feelings out.