My wife has a tough personality

I read your consultation.

Certainly, in this world of high prices, there may be few things you can enjoy with 10,000 yen pocket money. Also, I feel terrible that there are so many words pointed out to those of you who are working hard in a stressful environment. So I understand how you feel.

Yes, but... what you have to calm down is that this analysis is only from your point of view. If you ask your partner how it is, you may get the exact opposite analysis result.

Every human being is the cutest. I'm doing my best. No one understands my efforts while working so hard... I should be recognized. ... Something that has such thoughts. So if you change your position, the world you can see will completely change.

Since then, the cause of criticism and suggestions from your partner has been recognized as “having a tough personality,” but aren't there any dangers or decisions about that?

They probably got married because they were originally attracted to each other and had a good relationship. How did that happen?

Was your partner hiding his tough personality? Was it just that they didn't care in a good relationship?

That's probably not the case.

From a Buddhist point of view, there is nothing fixed or tangible, including “personality.” In other words, it's not that your partner's personality is tough, it's probably in an environment where you feel that it's tough, or an environment where being in a relationship makes them criticize or point out things about you.

Just as if you can afford it financially, you will have peace of mind, so your personality is also influenced by your environment.

Just like you're doing your best, isn't your partner also working hard at work, housework, etc.? Do you know your partner's pocket money, monthly living expenses, and remaining amount?

It's just that the part you can't see is the analysis that “my wife's personality is tough,” and in fact, isn't there such a thing as a partner making ends meet with a limited income, or that they are responsible for a lot of housework, or explaining the same thing over and over again about how to do housework?

Why don't you think about how you can create a more comfortable environment by cooperating with partners who share your current environment, rather than the conflict structure or attitude of making demands, which one is correct? Why don't we have a proper discussion?

Unless you've already done that...

Please let me know the progress again

Thank you Rens for consulting with Hasunoha.

First, everyday work, challenges in a new environment, then housework and study at home... I saw how hard they were really trying. I would be happy if this Hasunoha becomes one of Rens's escapes.

I understand that it is very painful to continue to be pointed out and criticized at home, which is supposed to be the place of greatest comfort, and not being able to rest your mind. The feeling of emptiness that no one appreciates is something that cuts down on the mind more than physical fatigue.

What is Rens's favorite food? What came to your mind right now? If you were to ask your wife the same question, what kind of food would she think of? Even with the same words, there are actually differences in what you imagine in your head. In contrast to the fact that Rens is looking for “kind words” from his wife, his wife's words “I'm already being kind” are a bit strange. Perhaps there is a difference between the “kindness” that the wife thinks about and the form of “kindness” that Rens needs right now. My wife also has a lot of stress from work, and even though she wants Rens to be kind to her in her heart, she may not know how to express it.

First, find a place where you can refresh yourself without being swayed by your wife's good mood. How about starting by looking up at the morning sky and taking a deep, deep breath while basking in the light of Otendo-sama? Priority is given to recharging Rens's love for herself. Once your heart is charged with love and you have some leeway, you can call out to your wife like this.

“Thank you for your hard work today. Recently, it may have been difficult at work and my feelings have been unstable. You can try gently saying “I couldn't make a kind voice for you either.” Words are infusions of love, so don't ask for positive changes in your partner, and keep saying kind words slowly and over again. When you say kind words, I'm sure Ren's heart will also become kind. It's a synergy of kindness, isn't it?

Rens is by no means alone. First, let's take care of your own heart and improve the couple's ventilation little by little. All of us Hasunoha monks are also sincerely supporting Rens so that his heart will be at ease.

Is my wife a full-time housewife?
If that's the case, if your wife also works and you can make room in your household budget, you may be able to make room for your feelings.
If you get divorced, rent, utility bills, home appliances, etc. must be prepared separately, so even if both the couple have a low monthly salary, no, because it's a low monthly salary, the cost performance is better if you get married and live together.
Even if the wife is highly paid, the cost performance should still be better if they are married.
It would be nice if both of us thought, “It's better than not being a spouse like this.”

I read it.
You're having a very difficult time receiving all kinds of harsh remarks from your wife. You think your wife's words, actions, and personality are pretty tough, don't you? I don't know the details about you or your wife, but it conveys your painful feelings. I understand your feelings from the bottom of my heart.
How many years have passed since you and your wife got married? As the two of them grew fresh, I think their personalities, ways of life, and values became more realistic.
I think there are some things that actually changed from the time you and your wife were not in a relationship or from the beginning when you got married.
As you get used to your personality and sense of life, your true intentions will come out, so you may feel a sense of incongruity.
I think you and your wife probably feel something like that.
If possible, the two of you should take your time and talk about yourself and the other person with your thoughts.
Then let's take a walk.

That's really tough...
Getting home is depressing, isn't it? It's probably not comfortable.

My wife's attitude. It's moral harassment and economic DV. They damage your dignity, take away your financial freedom, and drive your heart into it. I'm in a difficult situation at work right now, and it's really sad to be blamed by my wife.

If I think about you, I want a relaxing environment and understanding relationships, not scolding and encouragement.

If your wife's attitude doesn't seem to change, spend your own time relaxing. Also, if it continues, please don't put up with it and contact us.

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