A husband who says “I want to do polygamy”

This year marks the 3rd year since we got married.
A month ago, I was told, “I found someone else I like, but I like them too, so the other person wants polygamy as a factual marriage, and I have the confidence to love them equally.”

My partner is also on good terms with me, and I agreed because I thought I should try it if I wanted to do it.

However, after all, there are times when I don't live with my partner, and when 3 people meet, I feel that only the other woman is prioritized.
I have ADHD, and I have a personality that makes me say what I think, and I always hurt the two of them by saying disgust (they're on good terms and are a good match, etc.)

I don't want to divorce my husband either. However, if I were there, I would hurt the two of them, and I don't know what to do anymore and I want to disappear.
I don't like myself for doubting the two of them either.

If the two of them were to be happy, I'd like to disappear from this world.

Where will humans go when they disappear?
I wonder if people who hurt people with such disgusting guys still go to painful places. I want you to tell me.

4 Zen Responses

You're a victim. Don't sacrifice yourself and don't take it alone

They revealed the inside of their very painful heart, and they often consulted with us.
First and foremost, what I want to tell you is that you are definitely not a “bad guy.” You have forcibly accepted your husband's unreasonable suggestions and blamed yourself on top of that, but you are not a perpetrator who has hurt anyone, but a “victim” who has been deeply hurt.

In today's Japanese society, what your husband refers to as “polygamy” is absolutely untenable. Being jealous and saying disgust is not a matter of your own characteristics; it is a very natural emotional function as a person placed in an unreasonable situation.

The question is “will they go to a painful place if they disappear?”, but Buddha (Amida) is deeply close to people like you who continue to blame themselves in the midst of trouble, suffering, and sorrow, and never abandons them. You won't be driven to a “difficult place.” But that doesn't mean you should never do anything that would make your life worse.

The current situation is an issue for which both the husband and partner are responsible in the first place. It's not about you stepping back and solving it. Please don't sacrifice yourself any more and don't take it alone. First, ask for help from an appropriate third party, such as a trusted relative or legal expert, to protect your own heart and life.

You were born to be happy. Please take care of your own life above all else.

worship
Engiji Temple Shakujo

Please take care of yourself first

I read it.
Your husband says that he will become polygamous and that person will hurt you, your husband, and that person, and you are deeply troubled, aren't you? I don't know the details of the relationship between you, your husband, or that person, but I sincerely understand that you are very worried and having a hard time.
Please take care of your own heart first, because you are a very important person.

Then please calm down and think about it calmly.
I think you are also having a very difficult time because you currently have such a relationship, and I'm putting it into words because of that painful feeling. So I don't think that kind of relationship actually exists.
The husband may want to continue that kind of relationship, but that is his selfishness. I think you are deeply hurt.
If possible, I think it would be desirable to first resolve that relationship in order to settle down and live every day.
Legally, I think what your husband is doing is a human rights violation against you.
Please take good care of yourself first and then act from now on.
I sincerely pray that you, your husband, and that person will respect each other's human rights and that you can live your precious life with peace of mind. We wholeheartedly agree

Disgust is because you have a hard time and your heart is crying

It's not you who's hurting you, but your husband or girlfriend. Two people are hurting you.

The meaning of my husband's claim is unclear in the first place. What are you saying...
Treat your wife in any way convenient for you. It's unforgivable.
It's not true that you should try it if you want to do it, is it? The reason I say disgust is because you have a hard time and your heart is crying.

Is she your friend? Your husband sucks when it comes to getting your hands on a woman you're on good terms with, and can it be said that she is also a friend when she gets intimately involved with him in front of his wife (you)?

My husband seems to say that he has the confidence to love equally, but there are no guarantees. Inequality will always occur, and the right to decide that a married couple has an equal relationship will also be limited if there are 3 people. Relationships also increase mental burdens, such as competition and jealousy. In other words, what your husband says is not that he loves you; it is due to selfish thoughts.

How do you explain it to you and his parents? People around me are against it too.
Let's just say that we don't like what we don't like. Talk to your parents too. I'll be on your side.

Thank you for your question.
You're not a bad guy, and you're not hurting anyone.
Please don't blame yourself.
I think that what you're suffering right now is proof that your husband doesn't love you.
Are you looking for someone who loves you the most?
Instead of disappearing from this world, why don't you just disappear in front of your husband?
You can restart your life as many times as you like.

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