Break up or not break up

I have a boyfriend that I've been dating for a year and a half. I'm in my late 30s and he's 8 years older. He is very kind, and he dotes on me and takes great care of me even with this. However, I feel uneasy about my future with him, and I'm uneasy about my future with him until I have an anxiety disorder and go to the hospital. When it comes to living, it's the house he lives in, but it's in the countryside and there are no convenience stores around... I can't drive a car... his house is dirty... he's allergic to cats, but he has a lot of problems... If I do that, I'm nothing but anxiety when I'm with him, and I can only see bad aspects, my own body will be affected, and I think my body will collapse even more in the future... (stomach pain, intercostal neuralgia, etc.). People around me told me that my supremacy had disappeared, my energy was gone, and I didn't understand my feelings now, so I decided to keep my distance. To be honest, I think marrying him and living together realistically would be tough. But it's also the worst idea that I can't meet someone who takes such care of me anymore, I don't want to break up... but my body will collapse... but to be honest, it's a hassle to meet people again... and I'm worried about whether to break up or not.
I'm also thinking about breaking up, living alone, and living a new life doing what I love. But I also feel lonely leaving him... and I can't get out of this negative repetition loop.

3 Zen Responses

Rather than hastening to give an answer

I read it.
I read that you are very worried about whether or not to break up with him. I don't know the details about you or him, but I really understand your concerns.
If you only think about negative things, you will only head towards breaking up. Why don't you and him discuss your way of life and way of thinking little by little and change it little by little.
I think it's possible to take a good look at your mental and physical condition and change his lifestyle and hygiene. Or, I think you can review your eating habits, get advice from specialists and nutritionists, and try changing yourself.
I also used to be an office worker in the center of the city, but my lifestyle changed when I came to the countryside all at once. Also, the way we live and think has changed drastically. Since I was living in a temple, I needed to change things.
Please calm down rather than give an answer in a hurry, try facing him firmly yourself, and try discussing various things.
I sincerely pray that we and he will be able to live our lives by sharing our happiness from the bottom of our hearts while caring and being close to each other with care and compassion.
And I wholeheartedly support you and him. We wholeheartedly agree

Why don't you try searching for ways to “change your living environment” with him?

You are so deeply troubled that it has caused mental and physical disorders. Your body is screaming, so please give priority to your own health first and foremost.

I understand the pain of not being able to break out of the conflict loop, such as the feeling that “there is no one to love me this much anymore,” age impatience, and the hassle of building a relationship from scratch. In Buddhism, we believe that suffering is born from such “fear” and “obsession” about loss.

However, there is no need to make a zero-100 decision about “break up or not to break up” right now. You yourself calmly accept that “living together in the current environment is tough,” so please put the conversation about cohabitation and marriage on hold for now.

On top of that, why don't you keep a little distance while continuing your relationship and explore the third path of “changing your living environment” with him. If he really cares about you, he should show you concrete steps, such as tidying up the house, separating your living space with your cat, or moving to a place with good transportation.

Using being able to stay healthy yourself mentally and physically as the first standard, why don't you decide whether you can balance a realistic living environment with him without being impatient?

Worship
Engiji Temple Shakujo Law

to those who can give it. If you do that, you can get closer to your ideal life with someone you like

Well, the environment surrounding him is a source of anxiety for you, isn't it? Even though he has a lot of good points.

who are you? What can you give him?
I try to adapt to his environment, so I can only see his anxiety (negative).

The rural environment where he lives. It's a rural area, so there are no convenience stores. If you live, it's his house. I have a cat and my house is dirty. I can't drive.
Leave everything up to him. His requirements don't suit me.

who are you?
If you're just asking him, it's difficult for you under these conditions, isn't it?

The future is something we will build together. Still, if you rely on your partner's conditions, you have to look for someone with better conditions. You can't be together if you just like them.

If you're just hanging out with him, he's someone you love, though. People want a lot...
To break out of the negative loop, give yourself to someone you can give yourself to. If you do that, I think you'll be able to get closer to your ideal life with someone you like.

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