I don't like my roots.

Shall I answer this for the second time? Thank you for contacting us again. You are facing past scars and habits that you have desperately hidden due to your husband's straight words, and you are feeling very painful.

The part of yourself that you feel “ugly and hated” was an important “shield” and “armor” that was absolutely necessary to survive that harsh environment. First of all, please take deep care of yourself without blaming yourself, who has desperately protected and survived until today.

Buddhism explains that every human being lives with an egocentric heart and a shadow part that can never be called beautiful. The only difference between people is whether they are “aware or not” of their own foolishness and ugliness. You are now standing at a point where you look back deeply at yourself through a clear mirror called your husband.

Your husband's words should never deny you or demand a quick fix. That honesty, which shows you just the way you are, feels like a manifestation of the Buddha's mercy, enveloping anyone without abandoning you.

There's no need to be impatient to force yourself to change. First, try accepting “my hurt self is here” as it is. Your hardships up until now and your warm days with your current husband have never been in vain. The Buddha is also quietly watching over you so that you can take off the armor of your heart little by little in the warm light. Please don't deny yourself and walk slowly.

Worship
Engiji Temple Shakujo

Kon-sama
Nice to meet you.
Thank you for your support.
I also read from my previous question and profile that you have lived a fierce life since childhood.

I felt that my mind and body were so tired and weak that I thought “I have no choice but to be reborn.”

It is said that her husband is beautiful and strong, but right now, isn't it tough to ask Kon-san, who is weak, to improve? I thought so.

The presence of a husband is OK, but Kon-san is OK with any kind of presence. This is called the “basic position” of psychology called exchange analysis. There are no conditions, Kon-san is fine as she is ◎

It means I don't like myself, but I think recovering my sense of self-efficacy is the top priority. You can get a boost from a monk during a Zoom interview, and I also recommend psychosomatic medicine, which is easy to go to.
Are there any sleep abnormalities, changes in appetite, or physical laziness?

Let's ask the husband to save encouraging Kon-san, who is depressed, and discuss whether he can listen to the story with a receptive attitude and empathy anyway. It's not Kon-san's fault; it's because there's a sense of tension in her childhood environment.

If you do that, your mind will recover little by little. If it's difficult, I think it's a good idea to go to psychosomatic medicine together.

You've been able to persevere until today. You're not alone. Don't hold it alone and try to distribute your dependencies. You should be able to see a ray of hope. That's because when you're lonely, you can expose yourself even more and spoil yourself with Hasunoha.
Please come back to Hasunoha.

I read it.
You think you're worried that you're a terrible person. Your husband also pointed out about you and it's really painful, isn't it? I don't know the details about you, your husband, or the people around you, but I understand your painful feelings from the bottom of my heart.
Everyone is born and raised differently, so there's no denying that you've lived that way.
You probably hate yourself like that, but I think it's okay to honestly convey your thoughts and feelings to your husband.
Your husband is just pointing out you on his own scale. So I don't think there are many good or bad things.
If you yourself want to change your own way of thinking and living even a little bit, and if you want to change yourself that you don't like, I think it's good if you don't panic and make changes little by little while getting your husband to take it seriously.
That's because no matter what kind of person you are, there are seven quirks, and each one has good points and bad points.
The Buddha, gods, and ancestors kindly watch over us.
I am praying earnestly and praying to Buddha, God, and your ancestors so that you can share your happiness sincerely and generously with your husband and everyone so that you can continue to sincerely and carefully care for each other and help each other from now on, and that you will change to the person you think is good.
And I wholeheartedly support you. We wholeheartedly agree

Reading your consultation, I thought your childhood was just like the novel “The Carrot” by Jules Renard.
It was the right decision for you to run away from home after college.
Also, it seems more than anything that I met my husband who honestly lives a well-off life, got married, and lived a peaceful life.
A normal husband, even when he notices his wife's flaws, doesn't go that far and face them, but he probably has such a straightforward personality.
You are pointed out about your shortcomings as “all of these are necessary and acquired in your desperate life until now,” and that is probably true.
However, that's not your root.
If you think it's “ugly and I hate it,” you really are.
It may take some time to become the independent person you aim for, who doesn't listen to people's complexion.
However, you are currently living in a completely different environment from your unhappy childhood, so I'm sure you'll be fine.
(Incidentally, women who work hard to fix the parts they don't like are much more attractive to me than women whose good upbringing is reflected in their personality.)

I also read my profile. I think how peaceful everyday life is that I was finally able to meet people and places where I feel safe from a harsh environment. Even though I want to continue to be happy with my husband in this way, it seems that the appearance ingrained in me is engraved in casual words that I cannot leave the environment I grew up in until now, and suffering will not go away, and fear will come back to life and I won't be able to breathe well.

I think you are traumatized by the fears and wounds you have suffered.
How painful is it to be made aware of who you are. If it's something that can be erased, I want to erase it. If it's a past that disappears, I want you to erase your memories. I want to draw only my future with him, but I wonder how long I have to be tormented by the past that accompanies me. I want to start over with my life, right?

Nobody's fault, him or you. You're in the midst of happiness with him. Also, the couple's time is longer than the time they lived with their parents and children. A married couple rather than a parent and child. There is a form of “you” from now on in the relationships and lives you are building. Is it something you've decided to accumulate in the past! In the midst of happiness, you will change properly. It's fine. believe in yourself. Let's protect ourselves. We're on your side, too.