How to deal with resentment and hate that won't go away

I was in a relationship with someone from within the company at my previous job, but when I retired, my relationship with the company wasn't good, and we were forced to break up.
In order to maintain secrecy, they are made to sign a pledge if they come into contact with them and take legal action.

Now I'm learning the law in the wake of my work environment at my previous job, and I've come to understand that restricting or prohibiting private relationships as a condition of retirement or work is bad, but I didn't have that kind of knowledge at the time, and it's really disappointing that I wasn't able to compete against the company.

Although I work hard every day to acquire knowledge by studying using this frustration as food, hate and resentment come out when those people stole the future of their loved ones by accident.

It's difficult to get in touch with him now due to circumstances, and I don't know if we can rebuild our relationship in the future.
That's why it's extra unforgivable that those people are able to spend their days with their loved ones without any restrictions. That kind of strong feeling comes out.

Even though I don't think that kind of thinking is good, I can't digest it easily.
What kind of mindset should we have in order to digest resentment and hatred?

I would like you to teach me the monk's wisdom and knowledge, thank you for your support.

4 Zen Responses

Gradually while walking

I read your consultation.

It was very painful, and it made me feel frustrated again. I think it's unavoidable for feelings of hatred and resentment to come out.

But that's why you're in pain... that's why you're worried.

First of all, what is important is that even if it is an emotion of hate or resentment, there is no right or wrong with the emotion itself. Emotions are natural responses. The conditions for rain to fall are just like it will rain, and if there are conditions where feelings of resentment spring up, that is the case.

The rest is not to amplify it. It's about being swallowed up by that emotion and not acting as a result of it.

It is said that you are working hard to acquire knowledge right now, but if you look back at the company and feel like it is to cause resentment, you will find yourself in an environment where resentment springs up forever.

Leave your past resentment as it is, and from now on you will act for your happiness. Choose and implement actions for your own future.
In the midst of that, I think the conditions for resentment to spring up will fade at some point.

It's not about changing your mind and then moving on; the order is that your feelings are sublimated as you move on.

If your partner has the same enthusiasm as you, the restrictions from the company may have been overcome in some way. If that wasn't the case, I don't understand the other person's true intentions, but maybe they didn't feel the same way as you.

You should choose your future actions only for your true happiness. Not for past liquidation or revenge, but for your future.

I'm rooting for you.

Right now, it's important not to get impatient or get too attached to it.

You've had a painful experience. Pledges that restrict private relationships as a condition of retirement are a violation of basic human rights and are by no means permissible. The strong anger and resentment you have right now is a very natural emotion. First of all, please take care of yourself without trying to force yourself to get rid of those feelings.

However, continuing to burn that frustration as hatred towards the company will hurt your own mind and body even more deeply. Instead of being swallowed up by emotions, it is a good idea to calmly pass judgment by means of law. Please consult with experts such as the Labor Standards Inspection Office or lawyers, and consider withdrawing unfair promises or filing lawsuits. Taking action also leads to preventing a second victim.

Also, in Buddhism, there is a way of thinking called “relationship (en).” Everything happens when countless conditions are intertwined, and there are many things that don't go the way we want them to. If he still works for that company, the difficulty in getting in touch is an unavoidable “relationship.” Even if the possibility of getting back together isn't zero, it's important not to be impatient or too fixated on it right now.

Even though the grief of being forced to break up absurdly is deep, the fact that you are now learning the law based on that chagrin itself is the beginning of a powerful new relationship. Instead of being bound by past grudges, try focusing on your current own learning and another new “purpose for life.” That walk should be the path that will go round and truly save your heart. I'm rooting for you.

Worship
Engiji Temple Shakujo

Let's consult and respond appropriately

I read it.
You were forced to break up with someone you are in a relationship with within the company when you retired due to company orders, and your pledge was also missing. You're having a very hard time, and you have a grudge and hatred against the company, aren't you? I don't know the details about you, that person, or company, but I understand your painful feelings from the bottom of my heart.
If you can, please tell us a little more about the circumstances and the relationship between you and that person and the company.
I don't know anything legal about whether a company can do such a thing, but basically I don't think there is any problem with relationships between people if they agree with each other. If a company were to tear apart a personal relationship of trust, I think it would be contrary to respect for basic human rights.
If possible, I think it's okay to include that in a labor consultation, and why not try a human rights consultation.
https://www.check-roudou.mhlw.go.jp/lp/hotline/
https://www.zenroren.gr.jp/roudousoudan/hotline/
https://www.moj.go.jp/JINKEN/jinken20.html
Also, why don't you check with the counselors to see if it's illegal and get advice and support.
First, let's talk clearly about your thoughts and that person's thoughts, and then consider how to respond in the future.
Also, please calm down even a little bit and try to deal with it from now on.
I sincerely pray to Buddha, God, and your ancestors so that you can consult with various people, receive various advice and support, and respond appropriately, and that you can continue to live peacefully and healthily while being blessed with relationships with people you really care about.
And I wholeheartedly support you. We wholeheartedly agree

Unfair dismissal due to power harassment. Try to sort out your feelings. The choice beyond that

Even though it was a workplace romance, they were forced to break up and quit, right? The company's response is power harassment. What authority can make a pledge also be enforced? That kind of thing is not valid. Being torn apart in this way and even losing one's job... it's so horribly disrespectful to do this kind of rough behavior, isn't it? It's painful. it's frustrating.

Is that all you need with him? You're the only one who made him quit, and he's not blamed? Such an unreasonable thing. I wanted him to protect me too.

It's just a normal love affair, right? Does his or your position have anything to do with your work? Or were they caught by someone else? You can't see the truth, can you?

As far as I can hear from you, there is nothing wrong with you, and since it was an unfair dismissal due to one-sided harassment, I think you can regain your rights legally as well.

When did this happen? What do you want to do? Do you want to confirm his feelings, or do you want to file a claim for damages due to unfair dismissal?
Will you keep him and the events in your mind as it is? Is that OK for me? Let's sort out our feelings. After that, if you choose to forget, I'll always listen to your feelings on Hasunoha. There's no need to hold it back. That's because it's natural that this kind of situation is so frustrating that I can't forgive it. You're not going to be the bad guy.

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