I want to go after the guy who got widowed earlier

I read it.
You and he made up our minds based on an agreement, and he passed away, didn't he? You couldn't die, did you? Even 49 days after he passed away, it still comes up in your dreams and in your father's dreams, doesn't it? You're wondering if he's by your side without attaining Buddhism.
You want him to stay by your side the whole time without attaining Buddhism. You can't accept life without him, and you want to follow him in the near future. He's very lonely and says he can't do it without you, and he probably thinks he's waiting for you to come without wanting you to live a happy life.
You want him to take you and you want to be with him in another world, don't you?
Can you let him take you or can we be together? You want to listen to it. Thank you for your question. It really conveys your feelings for him.
I don't know when you will pass away, but there will always come a time when you will pass away.

I sincerely pray that he will be at ease. Shishin Gassho Nanmu Amida Buddha Namu Amidabutsu

He is always guided by the Buddha or God, and his close people and ancestors who went there first greeted him. He was so relieved to be kindly welcomed by his ancestors under Buddha and God. He was saved from any hesitation, pain, and suffering under the Buddha and God, and went on to attain Buddhism cleanly and smoothly without any sorrow. They are gently and gently watching over you and the people you have relationships with who will continue to live. One day, when you have reached the end of your life, the Buddha or God will guide you, and he will gently welcome you, and you will rejoice at the reunion, and you will be saved from any hesitation or suffering.

I think there were various circumstances where you couldn't die. I don't know what's in your heart, but please share your thoughts here as well.
Your life is very precious, and you are living with many blessings in the midst of various circumstances. Please live the life you have been given. You are always protected by the Buddha, God, your ancestors, and him.
We look forward to welcoming you.

Nice to meet you. My name is Kameyama Junshi.
I read your consultation, and it painfully conveyed that you had deep feelings for him who left earlier. Also, “I think I've lost my life,” “I think he hasn't attained Buddhism,” and “when I die, will he pick me up or can we be together?” -- you have such anxiety and thoughts.
Below is my answer.

The fact that you are living now is supported by various relationships. To put this “various relationships” in another word, it means “being kept alive by the Buddha.” Also, that Buddha was even the Buddha who led him to attain Buddhism.
I just said that he “led him to attain Buddhism,” but he has already advanced into the world of the Buddha.
Let's talk about this in a bit more detail.
Just because a person attains Buddhism does not mean that person (deceased) is completely unrelated to our world. Achieving Buddhism literally means “becoming a Buddha,” and the Buddha is always working for us.
Therefore, appearing in dreams can also be taken as one of the motivations from the deceased who became Buddha. In particular, the fact that he appeared not only in your own, but also in your father's dreams is proof that he is close to you as a Buddha. If you haven't attained Buddhism, it's hard to think of a reason why it even appears in your father's dreams.
Also, the Buddha never “makes you die in a hurry.”
Your future life is a life where you will live with him who has become a Buddha. And if your relationships in this world run out, you'll be born into a world where you can be with him.
These are my answers. I would be happy to help you even a little bit.

When a loved one dies or feels remorse, people worry forever. Please take advantage of this consultation and continue to use hasunoha.

I don't know what circumstances led you to be like that.
But what I can say is that you have lived up to this point with the help of not only him, but many others.
There were people like him who genuinely agreed, and there were probably people who didn't like it at all.
But there was no difference that there were a lot of people.
Actually, just by consulting with Hasunoha, two monks have already answered that they want to support your feelings. Not only that, people who created the Hasunoha site, people who made smartphones and PCs, and people who worked on the internet are involved even though they are invisible to the eye. It has something to do with not being able to feel any emotion. In other words, he's not the only one.
That's why I broaden my horizons and live my life. It's about coming back to life. Along with my memories with him, I broaden my horizons and live again. It comes back to life even if it's sad or painful. That is your service to him. It's dedication. It's his joy. I'm grateful to him.
I feel much closer to living again while conveying my feelings for him here than in the uncertain world after death, and I can be sure that he will become a Buddha.
I sincerely hope that you will gather up your courage and live as long as you have life.

If you're that determined
No one can stop you.

I don't actually know what condition he is in right now.
Every religion and denomination preaches various kinds of afterlife
these are not proven
If you say fantasy, there's no denying it.
So people
I think they believe in a religion that explains the world they want to believe in.

What is the Jodo Shinshu that I believe in
If you praise Namu Amida Buddha
Become a Buddha under the guidance of Amida Nyorai in the Pure Land of Paradise
It is explained that it is possible to reunite with those who died earlier.

Maybe
It might be close to the world you want to believe in.

It's sad...
People who were sworn to live together until the end. they said they were together the whole time.
He passed away first, and even though he's been waiting for me, I'm still here.

Even though you feel sorry for being alive, your act, which ended in an attempt, must have been painful. Once you've recovered, will you be able to move on?

Your purpose now is that you want to go to his side, right? That's what supports you now, doesn't it?

The Buddha has prepared a world where he can live after his life has run out. Live by relying on it. That's what I'm saying.

What did the two of you think after death? Where am I going? If the “there” of the two of you is the same, then they believed that and proceeded, right? If that's the case, I'm sure they'll take the same path to the same world.

until the end of you. I'll go out with you.
Also, let's talk like this.