The agony of bereavement

It pains my heart to say goodbye to my mother, how deep sorrow and loneliness are. The text conveys the depth of love of your mother, who has walked on two or three legs while facing her illness for many years, and how she was more pleased than anyone else with your recovery.

The first thing I want to tell you is that current suffering is by no means a “reward for being spoiled” or “punishment.” In Buddhism, breaking up with someone we love is explained as one of the greatest pains we face in life. The fact that I feel like my soul is lost without getting anything in my hands now is proof that I received such deep love from my mother and were bound by a solid bond. Please don't blame yourself.

In the Jodo Shinshu sect, I hear that those who have ended their lives can return to a peaceful “pure land” and become Buddha under Amida's guidance. Your mother never left you behind; now, as a Buddha, she is right next to you more than ever before and warmly watches over your steps.

Please don't try to force yourself to stand up now, and relax your mind and body while borrowing help from people around you, such as welfare workers. When you feel like you're being crushed by loneliness, think of your mother from the Pure Land and gently put your hands together. It takes time for grief to heal, but someday the day will surely come when your feelings of gratitude to your mother will warm your heart again.

Worship
Engiji Temple Shakujo

You've come a long way. You've probably been with your mother, but it's proof that you've stood firm even on your own.

I'm in deep sorrow right now, and I'm sure a sense of loss is spreading when it comes to living. Parents are people who have been right in front of me ever since I was born. I haven't experienced disappearing. That's because the first event in my life has just happened. It's natural that we can't think about what and why we should live our lives. Let's nod the reaction that's happening to me, saying that it's not unreasonable.

Nothing has been lost about the time I spent with my mother, my memories, or the love I felt. The feeling of being lonely and sad is probably attacking you right now, but she will continue to be your mother from now on.

“Independence” does not mean standing alone and living. Take the hands of those around you and rely on them while being supported together. That support is also the presence of a mother. The time spent, the words exchanged, and the smiles directed at you should continue to support you from now on.

While feeling the presence of loved ones who have passed away, I also receive “thank you” and feel empowered.
Hasunoha is also your supporter. Let's always stay connected this way.

From here on, I'm thinking about my mother and putting my hands together.
Gassho

It's...
You've lost a very large presence, haven't you?

My relationship with my mother, who was close to me for a long time
More than just a family,
I think it supported me from a deeper point.

That's why now
I don't understand the meaning of life,
The reason you can't get anything on your hands
It felt like it was a no-brainer.

I thought just a little bit,

It said, “Is it recompense for spoiling my mother?”
Was that indulgent?

There is someone who can snuggle up to me during a difficult time,
During that time, I was able to recover little by little
Maybe it can also be called “the time we lived by supporting each other.”

Right now, I'm sure
I think it's a time when you don't have to force yourself to look ahead.

I don't know what to do,
I don't even know what I want to do,

Staying in that state is also
Maybe it's just a way to spend time.

If you don't mind,

It's not “how to live from now on,”
It's as small as “how to spend today,”
It might be a good idea to think about it.

I think that alone is enough.

Now that my mother is gone,
Places that have become gaping
I don't think it's something that can be filled with anything right away.

But in the time I spent in it,
Maybe there are things that change little by little.

Right now, not yet
It still feels like “my soul is lost,”
It's fine.

Also, please come talk to me.
That's because there are a lot of people who think about you.

I read it.
Your precious mother passed away and you are feeling deep sorrow and pain, aren't you? I don't know the details about you or your mother, but I really understand your painful feelings.
Your mother has been snuggling up to and supporting you until now, hasn't she? Your mother passed away and you lost the meaning and energy to live, didn't you? You're feeling lonely right now, and you're wondering what to do in the future.
I feel like I can understand that you would think that.
Please talk about your feelings here too, and let's talk about it with your older sister, people close to you, and health care and welfare personnel.
You are by no means alone; many people are connected to you; you are connected to us, the Buddha, God, your ancestors, and your mother here too.
Please sincerely convey your feelings to the Buddha, gods, ancestors, and mother. Your mother, Buddha, gods, and ancestors will kindly accept your feelings anytime, anywhere, and in any situation, and they will be close to and support you.
Also, many people will continue to support you, and it may not be easy to feel right, but little by little, let's receive advice and support while talking to many people, including welfare people, and accepting your thoughts.
I'm sure you'll meet a lot of people in the future, and your surroundings will expand.
I sincerely pray to Buddha, God, ancestors, and mother so that you will continue to be gently watched over by Buddha, gods, ancestors, and mother, be blessed with encounters and relationships with many people, and live peacefully and securely from the bottom of your heart while sharing your thoughts and helping each other.
And I will support you from the bottom of my heart.
Please tell us about your feelings again, and we look forward to seeing you.