The cost of infidelity

I have a woman I dated for 5 years in an adulterous relationship.
Last year, my adulterous relationship was dissolved and I was able to return to my home, but every time I faced my actions up until now, my wife and children, I was worried that I was disqualified as a husband and father, and my former affair partner also took away precious time of 5 years, and I was also told that I would hold a grudge for the rest of my life when we broke up, and I thought I wasn't in her life anymore. It seemed like everything ended without being discovered, and I understood in my head that this was the result, but I spend every day always feeling embarrassed by the fun memories I spent with my former affair partner and when facing my family.
My former affair partner recently got married. There was an even greater sense of loss, and the call was rejected because they made contacts that were not supposed to be made. I take it for granted, but I can't forget it by any means, I tried to come into contact with my former affair partner due to an ugly obsession, and it was rejected and further depressed, which interfered with my work.
I understand that my actions are out of step in the way of others. I would like you to speak to me like this. Thank you for your support.

4 Zen Responses

I think all of your worries, suffering, and embarrassment is because you only think about yourself. Let's think more about our family than ourselves. That's because it goes around and works for me too. Do you think your wife is unaware of the affair? Women's intuition is sharp. You've noticed it, but aren't you putting up with it? Your feelings for you have cooled down, haven't they? If family matters, please continue to restore family ties by directing love to your family even now.
Also, if you follow your ex girlfriend, the police will contact your house because of the Stalking Act. If that happens, divorce will be inevitable. Forget about your ex girlfriend. If it's an important person, you should be able to forget it for that person's happiness. What comes with it is simply greed, desire for possessiveness, and sexual desire.

Are you back with your family?

　Good evening. The way I had a relationship with my ex-girlfriend wasn't good, and it ended up being an affair, leading to “not being in her anymore.” That's what it is.
There has already been an answer, and “thank you” has also been written, but “I will do my best to repair relationships with my family from now on,” which I think is good.
As a matter of fact, an ideal... relationship without a single cloud is quite rare, and I think “aiming and continuing to aim” is probably the way of life you should take.
In Buddhism, it is called a “structure of cause and effect,” and some form of relationship defines the result, and that result also becomes a cause and affects the next result.
This is happening due to this person's cold-hearted law, but on the other hand, “future actions” are the cause and will produce results with the family in the future.
Your embarrassment won't go away, but living with it is one form of ascetic practice called patience. It's not “I went back to my family when the affair was over,” but it is something that can be achieved by your attitude and actions in the future.
The reason they had an affair was probably because the current situation was somehow not satisfactory enough. However, that situation was not due to you alone or your wife alone; it happened due to the relationship between the two of them. It's not something you can fully control, and at the same time, it's not an issue you can't influence.
It may not be an easy path, but don't misunderstand how to solve the problem. What obsession led you to mislead your eyes and actions? I think it is necessary to thoroughly perceive (verbalize) that structure in order to walk the “path forward.”

Let's sincerely repent and apologize

I read it.
I read that you have committed a deep crime. And then you contacted them again, didn't you? I feel so aware that you are deeply depressed. I understand your feelings from the bottom of my heart.

Please calm your mind first. Please rest your mind and put your hands on the Buddha, gods, and ancestors. Also, please sincerely confess what you have done and thought until now to the Buddha, gods, and ancestors as they are. Please sincerely reflect on what you have done and sincerely repent to the Buddha, gods, and ancestors.
Apologize sincerely to the Buddha, God, your ancestors, and those you have hurt for hurting others from the bottom of your heart. Also, please swear to the Buddha, gods, and ancestors that you will never commit the same misconduct again.
The Buddha, gods, and ancestors have taken a close look at you and what you have cared about, and they take you firmly. They are close to your heart and accept you. The Buddha, gods, and ancestors will forgive you.

You should never contact that person in the future. Please continue to apologize from the bottom of your heart. Let's sincerely apologize to those who have bothered you. And please live your life by taking good care of the people you really care about.

I sincerely pray to the Buddha, God, and your ancestors so that you can cherish those who really matter to the future without committing malice, bad words, and actions yourself, and share happiness from the bottom of your heart with everyone. We wholeheartedly agree

At the end of the day, no one loved them. Be firm in self-reflection and take responsibility for your actions.

5 years... that's a long time.
My wife doesn't seem to notice, so maybe she knows. I can almost feel a woman's shadow.

I don't mean to call it adult romance anyway, but infidelity is a game for people who can have a limited-time split relationship. We'll break up someday.

I've been playing for 5 years, and now I feel guilty that I want to be ashamed of my family. In addition to that, it's hard to see contacting someone you've broken up with again, as if it were a pity.

You weren't a playful person who dabbled in infidelity. That's why I made my partner suffer, and I also caused suffering. Why do unsuitable people have affairs etc...

This is the cost. It's better just that there are no social sanctions. That's because I haven't been abandoned by my wife or child.

You must work to make your family happy even though you are resented, and feel guilty and lost. There's nothing else.

At the end of the day, no one loved them. Please do a thorough self-reflection. So that we can take responsibility for our actions.

← all dialogues ← previous next →