My relationship with my real mother

I'm in trouble because I don't get along with my real mother.
My family, including my mother, younger brother, and relatives, didn't get along well with me, and my mother in particular hit me when it came to something, and I was stressed.
Until now, I've put up with it because it's bad to fight before we live together, but now I'm married, and I'm separated from my real family.
My mother is the kind of person who is sweet to my younger brother, makes me a bad person when it comes to anything, and puts up with me.
Until now, I think I have conveyed my dissatisfaction to my mother many times, but since she is a stubborn and selfish person, there is no room for improvement at all.
It's my real family, so I have a feeling that I want to get along well, but every time I meet my mother, I feel limp and tired, and my nerves are worn out.
I've thought over and over again that if I could break up a relationship, it would be better if I were someone else.
At the moment, my mom hasn't kept in touch with me, probably because there was something she didn't like.
It bothers me since it's a family, but no matter how hard I worry about this, it's not conveyed to my mother, and I'm still suffering because of idleness.
My husband, who knows everything, tells me that it would be better to leave it like this...

I'm worried about whether it's better not to get in touch or if it's better to make up.
I would be happy if you could answer.
Thank you for your support.

3 Zen Responses

I think my husband is right.

　Hello. I read that she is not on good terms with her mother. Family is a special relationship, so there are times when restraint doesn't work (they want it more than others), so there are times when there is no hesitation whatsoever.
Also, rather than consulting with us, I think it's much more certain about the husband's point of view that you have seen up close. It's said, “I've told you until now, but it was an idle matter,” so when I said “let's make up,” “What? It doesn't necessarily mean they didn't have a fight” and that doesn't mean they won't sow some kind of seeds.
So, my answer is “as my husband says,” but it's up to you to decide in the end. Even if things don't turn out the way you want them to, try not to hit your husband. “Giving up once and for all” is also one form of wisdom. It is also an active attitude of “waiting for the time to ripen.”

After watching the situation for a while

I read it.
You don't go sledding with your mother or siblings, and your mother blames you for something, right? And you've become so disgusted, haven't you? I don't know the details about you or the people at your parents' house, but I understand your concerns from the bottom of my heart.
I don't know the specific relationships up until now or the personalities, ways of life, and values of each person, but maybe they didn't fit you very well with your parents' family, or maybe they looked at and treated you in a way that disdained you.
If your family members at your parents' house say or act against you in a way that harms you with discriminatory treatment or prejudice, I think it's a bad relationship for you.
It is a misconduct for people to curse others, abuse them, or treat them in a discriminatory manner. If people at your parents' house say such bad things or misdeeds against you, that's a crime. Therefore, I think it is desirable to stay away from bad relationships and misdeeds.
I think it is desirable for you to live in an environment, state, and relationships where you feel safe and do good thoughts, words, and actions without being subject to such misconduct.
Why don't you keep your distance for a while and see how things go.
I sincerely pray that you and everyone can live each other with sincere compassion and respect, and that you can live each day while peacefully trusting each other, so that you and everyone can live a rich, heartfelt happiness without advancing good thoughts, words, and actions. And I wholeheartedly support you and everyone.

It is independent. Let's cherish that way of life and relationships.

Even if it's a parent and child, they are separate people. There are things we can understand, and there are also things we don't agree with. It's compatibility, so just putting up with it isn't the right answer.

Relationships as a family will also continue to change. You are no longer a minor in need of protection. They have their own ideas and are independent. Let's cherish that way of life and relationships.

A mother has her values. So, even if you don't understand each other, try to protect yourself from being influenced by yourself while listening to “that's right.”

If they make you the bad guy and force you to put up with it, tell them “I'm hurt” and keep your distance in a safe place. Reconciling means if both parties want that. If your mother is aware and doesn't change, you'll remain the bad guy the whole time, saying “I'm not wrong.”

Right now, you have a marital environment where you can live. Taking care of that location is also reassuring for your family.

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