I hate myself more and more

It's getting worse and worse...
That's painful, isn't it? I feel like I've been pulling the tail from my previous “relationship trouble.”

I think I'm obsessed with my state of mind, environment, and my previous self no matter what. They say they want to go back to who they were back then. That's why they just compare and envy the changes around them, and their anger grows. I don't like thinking that either.

I think your hurdle is accepting yourself. I have to accept my current situation from who I am now to my next self, and I will stop forever. You won't be able to take care of the person in front of you or who you will be in the future.

Don't be tormented by obsessions, let's acknowledge your future self once you've let go. Why don't we continue to take steps one by one?

I read it.
You've gone in the wrong direction with your heart and actions, and you don't like yourself more and more. I don't know the details of your situation or the environment you are in, but I feel that you are having a very difficult time. I understand your feelings from the bottom of my heart.
I don't know anything specific, but you really want to be someone who can be honest, appreciate people, and rejoice in their happiness.
Let's ask them to talk about what you're having right now here too and let's get it out of your heart. And try to clear your mind. Let the anger, hate, and discontent in your heart come out of your heart. We are by no means living alone; you have relationships with us here too, and you can connect and share your thoughts with many people through this place.
Every human being has anger, grudge, hatred, dissatisfaction, and suffering, and there is no life without such things.
I sincerely pray that you can talk about your thoughts, connect and share them with many people, and that you can live each day healthily with everyone, with an honest heart and a sense of gratitude.
And I wholeheartedly support you. We wholeheartedly agree

Thank you for your consultation. I salute you for trying to sincerely face your own heart.

You are suffering a lot, blaming yourself for “disliking yourself” and “your heart is ugly.” Anger and dissatisfaction arising from past troubles swirl, and it is by no means because you are weak or because your personality is distorted. It's a state where my heart is exhausted beyond its limits, and I'm screaming.

Even in Buddhism, “anger” (anger) is an extremely powerful emotion, and it is extremely difficult to completely overcome it with one's own strength. So don't blame yourself for “not having these feelings.” The more you blame, the more that suffering is amplified. First, let's acknowledge and accept your own feelings as they are without denying them, saying “it's no wonder they get angry” and “this is such a time.”

However, if your emotional waves are so strong and your suffering is so deep that you cannot control it on your own, never hold it alone. Seeking help from a specialist in psychosomatic medicine or psychiatry is also a very important choice. Getting expert support is a great first step towards taking care of yourself.

Please don't be impatient, don't blame yourself right now, and allow them to take a good rest. I sincerely hope that peaceful days will return.

Worship
Engiji Temple Shakujo

First, let's think that the essence of every stimulus (reception) input to the mind and body from the six roots (eye, ear, nose, tongue, and body) and the six borders (color voice, flavor, touch) is suffering.
In other words, the stimuli and information that come into you from around the world make you nervous.
Therefore, as long as we are alive, there will always be suffering, big or small, and there will always be no shortage of ways to deal with suffering (homework).
I hate myself, and I hate others.
That's natural.
This is because all thoughts about oneself, others, and the past and future are laws (concepts and information) that come in from sensors of consciousness.
If you realize that all of your feelings are pain (outrage),
Next, let's be aware that the mind is impermanent.
Thoughts and feelings flow through the mind's movie theater screen moment by moment.
However, just as the screen returns to just a white cloth when the movie is over, once the thoughts and feelings that come to mind and disappear from moment to moment have passed, you should be able to return your consciousness to a quiet state.
Delusional thoughts about the past, the future, and yourself and others are also stimuli (rustling input from the brain) that distress consciousness, but they are impermanent phenomena that will always pass, so let's take a bird's-eye view and create another person who watches over you with peace of mind.
Then you can pause the movie of your worries and suffering when necessary.