I weighed my money and pride and became miserable
I wrote it in a question quite a while ago, but from an objective point of view, I grew up in a pretty poor family environment, and I keep telling myself that even if I had a family, I couldn't (can't) be happy, and even if that were the case, I would die soon anyway, until now.
There are only things I fall into self-loathing just by being alive, yet everywhere I go recently, “it's still better just not to cancel my work or be absent without permission.” But “it's great because I was able to live alone even at the last minute (from someone I don't know that I inherited my father's inheritance), isn't it?” I've only been comforted, etc., but I'm not going to say it's humiliating, but it's complicated, and I still seriously think that the reason that happened in the first place was because my mother didn't get divorced.
Actually, I had a one-off job at a shopping mall today, but I was about to go home on the way home. Incidentally, the job type is customer service (food and drink).
For the job, “Application conditions: You must complete a stool test by the day before work, regardless of age or gender.
I will teach you kindly and politely on the day.” That was true when I went to work while feeling a lot of anxiety that it was a company name I hadn't heard locally during the consecutive holidays...
Live performances by entertainers began right in front of the place where they opened the store at the same time as the start of work, so I and a man (probably younger than me) were alone in a place that stood out even though they didn't like it, and from morning to evening, there was an onparade of cuisine names they had never seen or heard locally at the cash register. I was able to take a break, but the man was alone the whole time and no matter where he went, so I couldn't relax, and when I got back, the man was probably still frustrated and had an ironic smile on his face from the middle and started tingling, so be quick from customers! That's because my heart was broken when I was yelled at.
I just said, “I'm leaving early because I feel sick,” and when I packed up my luggage and tried to leave the place right away, the man made a surprised face and asked why. I kept saying in a low voice that it's impossible because it's the reason I mentioned above, but the man said, “I'm not convinced by that. Did I do something? ' and in the end, “Don't do the opposite!” I was even told that, and at that moment I thought I was fine.
In the end, there were people and we stayed until the end without any further arguments, but I was extremely doubtful that it was necessary to have such a painful experience even though it was for money, and maybe this state of mind is similar to that of my mother who didn't break up until her father died? I thought that for the first time.
What was the “right answer” to do in that case?
What do the monks think?