I want to be free from feelings of unfairness in the workplace

Thank you very much for your consultation.

First, your anger is legitimate. There are 3 days off per month, and I had an experience of falling down due to depression. Even so, I never gave up and went back to work, clenching my teeth until midnight every day. The reason anger overflowed in that situation is definitely not because you are a “bad person.” It's proof that I've taken my work so seriously and sincerely. Please don't blame yourself.

“It's painful because you compare yourself to others” is a story I often hear. But that's not the reason for your sense of injustice. This is because they are actually placed in an “unfair situation.”
The problem is not your mind to compare, but rather to the “reality” where there is such a difference that you have no choice but to compare. Therefore, it is much more natural and constructive to use strength in the direction of narrowing that difference little by little rather than suffering while trying to become an uncompared self.

As a concrete response, let's first keep a record. The frequency of meetings, departure time, and number of days off work are quantified as objective facts. This is an important weapon to protect you.
Next, please tell your superior about the current situation. Not as a story about “my colleague is bad,” but as a story about “I might fall down again at this rate.” The company also has an obligation to be considerate of those returning to work from depression.
If you can talk about it as a labor management issue rather than a theory of emotion, it will be easier for people around you to move around. Please don't hold it alone.
Also, ask for organization about attending meetings. Ask your supervisor to sort out whether they all need to come out, or if there are times where you only need to report. Continuing to put up with it by yourself is not the solution.

When people feel that “only they are losing,” their consciousness is inevitably drawn to the object of comparison. My colleague's back when he comes home early stings awfully into my eye. I understand that feeling very well. But try turning that gaze at yourself just a little bit. I worked today without falling down. I just want them to properly acknowledge that.
This isn't about “be patient.” While making an effort to change the situation, I want them to look a little more gently at myself, who has persevered so far today.
I have recovered from my depression and continue to work until midnight every day. That alone is really significant. You've been trying harder than enough. I hope you will take the appropriate steps.

I read the consultation “I am the only one who is losing money.”

They said they returned to work after working late at night, taking only 3 days off per month, and taking a leave of absence due to overwork.
Thank you so much for your hard work.
The weight you have carried up to this point is beyond my imagination.

It's not because you're a demon that made your colleagues cry.
I think it was a “scream” that leaked out from people who had been cornered to the limit.
Please don't blame yourself as a “bad person.”

The real root of suffering is not envy for colleagues who return home early, but probably lies in not being able to create “peaceful time” through work.

The question is “how to get out of comparison,” but to be honest, humans cannot completely escape comparison.

It's the same as a monk.
So instead of trying to erase the comparison itself, “What are you comparing to? Why don't you check “Is that yardstick really correct?”

The consultation stated “My colleague leaves work quickly at 20:00 or 21:00,” but originally, that time period is not the time to “go home quickly.”
It's a long enough job.
As we find ourselves in the current environment, abnormal ways of working have become the standard, and the yardstick itself has become distorted.

In Buddhism, there is a teaching called “Shomyo (Shomyo).”
It's one of the Eight Great Paths, and it's a teaching that the way to make a living that would damage one's own life is incorrect.
Continuing to work at the expense of one's mind and body is not the way it should be, even from the perspective of Buddhism.

So what should we do?
First, please take a moment to look back at what you are suffering from and what you are angry about.
Then, think again about whether the current environment is really right for me.

Others don't move the way they want them to.
“What should I do to be in a better situation”
It's about shifting the point of view to

You don't have to decide to change jobs right now.
“The world is not the only place where you are now”
Just knowing it makes room in your heart.

I'll prepare my areas of expertise and look into alternative paths.
The very sense of security that “there is an escape route” should ease my current suffering.

The environment doesn't change even if you wait.

Take small steps and move in the direction of taking care of yourself.

That is a step towards “right life.”

Gassho

I read your consultation.
While working to the point of taking a leave of absence due to overwork, the hardships of still returning to work and doing work every day are not unusual. It's not unreasonable to feel unfair and angry.
I also worked as an office worker for 30 years. As a matter of course, you take a taxi home every day. There was a time when I went to work on Saturdays and Sundays. It's really exhausting. Where am I now and what am I doing? Suddenly, there were times when I went back to myself.
I sympathize with you.

However, as long as you keep putting that pain in “comparison with your colleagues,” your mind will not rest. Working until 20:00 or 21:00 is by no means easy, and the essence is not an individual issue; it lies in the overall structure of the workplace, such as work allocation and meeting management.

Things are caused by overlap rather than by one cause. This is called luck. The current situation is a result not only of your colleagues, but also of your own sense of responsibility overlapping with the way the organization is.

And one more point. I can understand the anger, but if you continue to stay angry, the situation won't change. What we should focus on is not the individual, but the mechanism. Consult with superiors and organize work. If that doesn't improve, the workplace itself is unreasonable.

The decision to change the environment if necessary, by prioritizing protecting your own mind and body is also an important choice rather than an escape. What you should say to your boss is calm, and if it doesn't change, I think changing jobs is also an option.

Please don't overdo it.

Your anger is natural, and I think that claim makes sense. I don't know why the other person cried, but I wonder if it's a matter of how you communicate... However, your limit was also anger, wasn't it?

You are not the only one to bear; you are raising necessary issues. A sense of unfairness and bias in workload can be exhausting and have a big impact on dissatisfaction and relationships of trust without utilizing important human resources. With this, it would be nice if you could review the state you were in and the way you proceeded with your work throughout the workplace.
It would be nice if we could review it even as a teamwork issue where we could build a relationship where we can report to each other at an earlier stage.

You've worked so hard up to this point. Thank you so much for your hard work. People who think they are disgusting people only look at the surface, but there are probably people who think it's important to notice. Praise yourself for raising your voice. Please do your work without difficulty while working hard.