Balancing work and childcare I want someone to take care of me

It's hard to balance work and childcare, and I just want someone to listen to the story, so I'm writing it. Rather than advice, I want people to take it as “that's tough.”

I work as a surgeon and I have 2 children. My younger child is still small and wakes up many times in the middle of the night.

We prepare breakfast for the two children every morning, send them to the nursery school at 7:30 and head straight to work. I hardly have time for my own meals or preparations in the morning. I'll wear the same clothes and go without makeup. I slipped right into the beginning of school, there were almost no lunch breaks, and there were days when I couldn't eat.

Hurry home on time, pick them up, and when you get home, have dinner, take a bath, and put them to sleep. I usually have my meals around 21:30. There are also days where I do laundry and housework, and continue preparing papers and conference presentations. I woke up several times during the night because it was child-friendly, and from around 4 a.m., they cried every 30 minutes, and then it was morning again.

I often work half day on Saturdays and one-op on Sundays. My husband is busy with work, and he is negative about using external services, so I ended up doing quite a bit of it myself.

Recently,
・I can wash my hair about twice a week
・The house is quite messy
・I sometimes forget the deadline for nursery school documents

There is a feeling that I am losing myself more and more.

At work, I'm expected to be in a position to mentor juniors from now on, but to be honest, that's not all, I'm doing my best just to spend every day. But I can't make the decision to quit.

Financially, even if you quit your job right away, it doesn't mean you'll have trouble with your life. Even so, there are times when I don't even understand why I work until I feel this hard.

At work, they are being taken into consideration because they are raising children, and they are exempt from duty, and they are able to return on time.
On the other hand, I also recognize that it is quite different from the degree of “consideration” referred to in the world in general.

Even when I talk to people around me, they say, “Why don't you move your husband even more? There were many responses, such as “It's an ability common to work,” and “If I'm tough now, I can't do it in the future,” and it became extra painful. Of course, this may be the right argument, but now I have a strong feeling that I want people to say “it's tough” rather than a solution.

I'm worried that my life at the last minute will go bankrupt someday.

I'm sorry it's been so long, but I just wanted someone to listen to it.

4 Zen Responses

I need someone who can share that burden together and snuggle up to me

You work really hard every day. Thank you so much for speaking with us. I have taken the cry of your heart firmly.

Every day without a break, face life and protect your family by cutting down on yourself. How tough it must be, and it must be worn out both mentally and physically. You've been living through a really, really difficult everyday life to the extent that the words “that's tough” aren't enough.

I just bow my head to the sight of them putting myself on the back burner so much that I don't have time to wash my hair and are doing my best for others. I painfully understand the feeling of being hurt by the “right arguments” from people around you. It's not a solution right now; we just need someone who can share that burden together and be close to us.

Buddhism teaches that before caring for others, it is important to take care of yourself first. Please, it doesn't matter if it's just a small part of that deep love for patients and families, and please direct it to yourself. Whether you are a doctor or a mother, you are a living person with warm blood.

The fact that you are living here and now, and that you are desperately going about every day is more precious and wonderful than anything else. Please praise yourself a lot and take care of your mind and body. Please feel free to tell us your story here anytime.

Worship
Engiji Temple Shakujo

No, that's enough, SS
It's usually “extreme survival.”

I was reading it and thought, but SS
I'm worried that it might fall over.

While working as a surgeon,
I woke up many times in the middle of the night
Send out the 2 kids in the morning
I slipped in and went to work without makeup,
There are days when I can't even eat lunch
It's not “I'm doing my best” anymore
I can only think of it as “risking my life.”

Moreover, after I got home,
Eat, take a bath, put to sleep,
Laundry, housework, papers, conference preparations.

So, I cried at night again.

You don't have time to sleep...

Well, I can only wash my hair 2 times a week, and my room is messy,
You'll also forget your documents.

Conversely,
It's amazing that it's been spinning in that state until now
No, just a word of concern.

But the surroundings are
“Why don't you move your husband more?”
“What are we going to do now?” I mean.

No, that's probably the right argument
But what we need now isn't an “improvement proposal,” is it?

“That's tough”
“You're doing great”
That's what people say.

Also,
A person with a strong sense of responsibility like SS
Even at the limit, “I can still do it” and “I have to work harder”
it's going away...

But humans break down all of a sudden.

One day, all of a sudden,
I can't stop my tears,
I can't move my body,
I can't get up in the morning...

That's why I'm feeling it now,
“This life may go bankrupt someday”
I think that feeling is a pretty important sign.

I'm not spoiled.
An alarm from the body.

So now, “should I quit?” “Should I continue?”
Before I give the answer to

First, “I was pretty limited.”
I want them to properly acknowledge it.

I think it was really tough.

What's more,
Not just for myself

patients,
children,
family,

I've always worked hard for someone else.

So right now,
You can stop for a moment.

rest.

Take a proper rest.

What does “work hard until it breaks”
I don't feel responsible
It just becomes self-destructing.

please. Please rest.

Precisely because I understand how difficult it is

We also have multiple children (although they are already middle and high school students), so I'm reminded of how difficult it was when I was a toddler (especially my first child).
I didn't want to go to preschool because I cried every morning, and I cried when I found my parents' faces even in the middle of preschool recitals and field days.
I was in a child welfare department at the government office.
Speaking from that standpoint, it's still an “correct argument,” but I think it would be nice if external services such as family support centers could be used.
For example, if you can ask someone at the support center to pick you up at preschool, parents can do shopping and housework in the meantime.
You can leave your child at the family support center to take a break at the beauty salon or tea with friends.
There are also parents who use it to have their children watched (at home) next to doing housework.
Also, when our children were in elementary school, we asked the Family Support Center to send them to the cram school.
I don't know what your local service system is like, but in Buddhism, they explain that commitment causes trouble and suffering.
I think the content is deafening, but if my husband's obsession with “not wanting to rely on external services” is the cause of worries, suffering, and stress, I think one way is to relieve that obsession (obsession or pride).
“Good medicine hurts in the mouth, advice hurts in the ears” is a phrase I saw on posters displayed at temples.
Either way, make time to adjust your breathing, calm your mind, and not think about anything, even just for 1 minute or just in the bathroom.
I pray that the Buddha's light of wisdom and mercy will illuminate and envelop you.

The balance is a long game. The effect of hugging is healing for yourself, isn't it?

You're doing well. I feel like 24 hours a day isn't enough.
If this is the case, you'll probably be able to do every day by somehow spinning your body and head at full speed while worrying that you too will fall down.

It's frustrating to be able to take care of you but not be able to support you.
All of these are important to you, aren't they? Child-rearing, work, housework and childcare, and marital relationships. I've worked hard to achieve this balance, so I'm sure you're here hoping you can do something about it. If that happens, after all, my personal surroundings will be put on the back burner. This is how your family is supported by your presence, isn't it?

I also had a one-op, so I studied late at night and had very little time to sleep. Kids also wake up in the middle of the night... I thought I was able to sleep until morning when my child turned 3 years old. Until then, that was the rhythm of life the whole time. Even now, I live a short sleep time.

So, I want to support your hard work, but since balancing is a long game, it's essential to make ends meet with time. At least, “I'm great! I'm doing my best! You're doing great!” Please praise yourself. Hug your child and wrap yourself in a futon. Even with that alone, the effect of hugging is healing for yourself.

Worries from people around me may be kindness in thinking about me, but it sounds like I'm being blamed, and it makes me want to cry.

So, I'm sending you a yell from here. It's connected, isn't it?

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