It's Shinitai

You've often confided in me the inside of this painful heart. There's no need to apologize “I'm sorry I'm alive.” The fact that you have worked so hard to connect lives until today and have spun words asking for help in this way is in itself a very precious and courageous thing.

Buddhism believes that the mind changes like the weather in the sky. However, if your emotions fluctuate violently during the day and tears overflow for no reason, it's a sign that your heart is screaming beyond its limits. Even without a specific diagnosis or disease name, your suffering is an unmistakable truth. Right now, my heart is in a deep storm, and the joy and meaning of life are just paralyzed and invisible.

Relying on the power of others without embracing it alone is also an important wisdom. Please use the help of a psychosomatic medicine doctor who is an expert or a consultation desk like “#いのちSOS（電話0120 -061-338).” By receiving proper treatment and support, the storm of your heart will surely calm down, and there will come a time when you can feel a lot easier.

You're still in your teens. There is always a day waiting for me to feel warm and happy again in my long life ahead. Please don't hesitate to rely on someone's hands right now and let your mind and body rest in order to protect your precious life.

Worship
Engiji Temple Shakujo

It's okay to be alive.
That's because life is about searching for the meaning of life.
I hope you find it someday.

When you feel like dying, please spend your time thinking that there are things you can be happy about if you are alive.

Also, let's say anything to our parents. If you are the type of parent who has a short temper and won't listen, please say anything to someone who specializes in school counselors, psychosomatic medicine, child counselors, etc. Of course, you can write anything on this Hasunoha anytime.

Even if you seem “normal,” it's no small thing if you suffer that much every day in your mind.
You've been blaming yourself so much that you've apologized, “I'm sorry for being alive.”

Tears come out for no reason, feelings suddenly sink, and alternating joy and melancholy also occur when the mind is nearing its limit. The severity of suffering is not determined by whether or not there is a diagnosis name. Even if the disease doesn't have a name, painful things are painful.

Also, many people who think “I want to die” actually wish “I want to get away from my current suffering” or “I want to take a little rest” rather than “I want to disappear.” I think you've endured this whole time alone.

In Buddhism, we see that the human mind is not always the same, and that it fluctuates like waves. You may be exhausted right now to the point where your ability to feel happy is paralyzed. So now, I think it's an important time not to “do your best and be positive,” but “don't blame yourself any more.”

Please don't think, “You shouldn't talk about this.” In difficult times, you can rely on others. If possible, try connecting to a psychosomatic medicine clinic or consultation desk. You need a place where you can put your suffering into words and be accepted.

You don't have to force yourself to find the meaning of life right now. First of all, just “somehow surpassing today” is enough. You've survived to this point. I think that alone has endured really well.

P.S., https://bouzsanga.org/
Here, we offer letter consultations for people who are suffering so much that they want to die. As a general rule, replies are one round trip at Hasunoha, so if you don't mind, please go here.

I read it.
You don't feel joy in living, you feel sad, and you already want to die. I don't know the details about you or the people around you, but it tells me that you are having a very painful and sad feeling. I understand your sense of sadness.
You get depressed and burst into tears every day, don't you? I don't know the details of your heart, but please share your thoughts as you think here, and let's also talk about your thoughts to your parents and people you trust.
You are by no means living alone; you are being watched over by many people and helping each other.
Your life has meaning, and you can live a happy life with all of you.

There are no people without worries or hesitation, and we have painful feelings, so let's share those thoughts with everyone. And please ease your mind little by little.

I sincerely pray that you will be gently protected by many people and that you will be able to share your thoughts, and that you can live every day peacefully with all of you.
And we look forward to welcoming you.

It makes me sad and I'm in tears.
Even dark content is fine. You spoke to me very well. I was worried. Thank you for connecting me to Hasunoha.

The reason I can't tell my parents is probably because they worry. Or maybe they're in a situation where they don't notice.

I care about you. Let's think about why together.
I wonder if it's the heart. I wonder if it's the body. I wonder if it's a situation.

Don't you get scared when you think you want to die? At times like that, being alone is hard, isn't it?
Let's get rid of what makes you suffer together.
Please email me. Let's talk together.