Is my son protected by someone

Ninety percent of those who commit suicide are said to suffer from “depression.”
I think suicide is also a type of death from illness.
So there was no need for the family to feel guilty, and that was the life span of my son.
Also, in Buddhism, I think that the five elements that make up our mind and body (color, reception, thought, action, consciousness) are metabolized moment by moment.
In other words, the death of a person is actually the same as the death of nails and hair.
My son just chose short hair over long hair, so there's no need to make a difference between happiness and misfortune.
The above is a story from the viewpoint of Buddhist wisdom (enlightenment, the way to let go of worries and suffering).
On the other hand, Buddhism teaches mercy (salvation).
For example, the sutras explain the teaching that if you chant Namu Amida Buddha, Namu Amidabu, and Nembutsu in your mouth, anyone can pass away (reincarnate) in the Pure Land of Paradise with the power of Amida Buddha.
I don't know what kind of creature my son is now reincarnated into, but we can hope that the “current guy” can touch the saving light of Amitabha Buddha and pass away in the Pure Land of Paradise.
In other words, you should do what you can do now to the extent you can.
One of them is wishing for the happiness of “the present guy” and the “future guy,”
Namu Amidabu Namu Amidabu
It's about chanting Nembutsu.
Let's leave the rest up to Amida.
You have no responsibility or sin.
All that's left is to wait for Amida's light of salvation.
Any trouble or suffering will surely pass by.
What remains after the suffering has passed is the salvation of Namu Amida Buddha.

Thank you very much for your consultation.
How many tears have you shed in the year and a half since you lost your son, and have you continued to blame yourself? That feeling of deep sorrow and regret is the best proof that you love your son so deeply.

But please don't punish yourself any more. Suicide is also an event that no one can do anything about, just like an unexpected illness or accident. It's never because you couldn't protect it, or because you didn't notice it.

You are hopeless about your own strength to be able to go to work without getting sick from your heart. However, it is thanks to the Buddha's firm protection for you that you are being able to live today without falling down even though you are in such deep sorrow. Please don't blame yourself, don't despair, and try to be quiet and thankful for that guidance.

I was asked, “Is my son protected by someone?” and “Will he forgive me?” My son is now wrapped in Amida's warm light and freed from all suffering. Then, your son himself became a Buddha, and this time, on the contrary, he has become an entity that gently protects you.

Your son doesn't blame you. He hopes more than anyone else that you will one day be able to laugh heartily again and live a lively life in the present along with the other child left behind. Please don't be impatient and take good care of those lives that are being protected.

Worship
Engiji Temple Shakujo

I read it.
I read that your precious son suddenly passed away and you are deeply saddened and have no regrets. I don't know the details about you, your son, or everyone, but I sincerely understand your sorrow and painful feelings.

I pray with all my heart that my son will be saved in peace from the bottom of my heart. Shishin Gassho Nanmu Amida Buddha Namu Amidabutsu

Please pray with all your heart that your son will be at ease from the bottom of your heart. We wholeheartedly agree

My son is always guided by the Buddha or God, and close people and ancestors who went there first kindly greet him. My son feels safe from the bottom of his heart with his ancestors under the Buddha and God, and is saved from any hesitation or suffering, and becomes pure. My son is calm and peaceful under the Buddha, gods, and ancestors, and he gently watches over you and everyone.
Your son's relationship with you and everyone will continue for a long time to come.

Your sorrow, regret, and suffering won't go away. Please sincerely convey your thoughts to the Buddha, gods, ancestors, and sons. Please sincerely convey your thoughts and feelings for your son one by one to the Buddha, gods, ancestors, and son.

Your thoughts will always reach the Buddha, gods, ancestors, and sons. The Buddha, gods, ancestors, and sons will kindly accept your thoughts as they are. They gently snuggle up to your heart. And he forgives you. Your son will thank you and everyone from the bottom of his heart.

I sincerely pray to Buddha, God, ancestors, and sons that you will continue to cherish your son from the bottom of your heart, and that you will be gently watched over by the Buddha, God, ancestors, and sons, and that you can live every day peacefully.

Please let us know how you feel, and we look forward to welcoming you.

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We wholeheartedly agree

Well... I only think about my son.
You can't forgive yourself for not being able to protect your children, do you?

It's unforgettable, isn't it? If that day had been even a little different, that kid would have been alive.
If I had noticed it, I wanted to do something about it with all my might.

You've probably been blaming yourself all this time.
It's painful, isn't it?

As the same mother, the pain you carry on your shoulders is so sad and unbearable.
You love them, don't you? An important child. They've passed away so far, out of reach... I want to chase them. That's because my mom is here. I want to reassure them.
I don't want them to cry anymore.

Go to work and get on with your daily routine. But my heart can't go back to the way it used to be. As if another you are living a carefree life...

I'm listening by nodding at your side. I will continue to stand by your heartbreaking cries from now on. Also, I want to cherish Nembutsu so that my son can live with peace of mind in the Pure Land. Every one of you cares about it, doesn't it?

My child lived a fine life. I survived.
That kid really worked hard.
Please think so and praise them, praise them, and praise them.
Please say that to my own child.
There were also painful times.
If someone were to put us in the same situation, surely everyone would have followed the same path and made the same choices. Taking your own life is something that no one can understand unless you have that person's situation and that person's painful feelings that have always overlapped.
Even if that person just exists in this world, there are times when someone has to suffer.
Encounters with people I don't like, doing bad things to me, falling into a painful heart, and painful feelings continue to boil over. I blame myself.
If that had continued, even I would have taken my own life.
Even in the midst of that difficult situation, my son was quietly left alone in silence, secretly hiding it so as not to put a burden on his mother and others, precisely because he was kind hearted.
However, since you yourself are also described here, there are things that the whole family must revise.
“Just about myself”
It's when you just go too far about yourself.
Humans sometimes have excessive consideration, concern, and a sense of refraining from others, and even when they feel that they care about their partner, they only care about themselves, and it becomes small.
There are times when people assume that they are bad, bad, or bad.
That mentality makes both myself and my partner smaller.
Actually, I've gotten so strong that I can't see my opponent.
That's why we need Buddha's guidance.
Actually, everyone has the sorrow that they only care about themselves... then isn't it really necessary to take more care of themselves?
I want to have fun rather than go through hardships.
I want to be comfortable rather than suffer.
Everyone wants that.
Then, please speak to my son again today in front of the Buddhist altar.
Your son must be waiting right now.
Even though my mother is sad, the feeling that I am who I am is still a barrier. Let's get rid of that wall, apologize properly, and start the relationship again. Let's start walking with each other in this world. Gassho