Should I confide it to someone who hurt me

I was alone and worried for close to a month, and it was very painful. Thank you for taking the courage to speak with us.

I presume that the teacher's phrase “how to touch the treatment...” probably wanted to convey the essence of the treatment, such as “being deeply considerate of the other person, concentrating all of your nerves, and being careful.” However, it hurt you deeply as a result, so that was an inappropriate statement.

Even if you are a teacher who is studying compassion, you are an imperfect person who sometimes makes mistakes. Maybe you favored your teacher so much that you unknowingly had too many expectations that “I want them to be the perfect ideal person.”

I painfully understand the feeling of “I want you to understand that I'm hurt and that I'm not good at talking about sex,” and I don't think it's OK to tell them. However, it must be said that it is extremely difficult to repair relationships by “getting people to understand” and realize a future where people work in the same workplace. Changing the personality and values of an adult adult is almost impossible unless you are a Buddha.

In Buddhism, there is a teaching called “let go of obsessions.” Right now, let go of your love for teachers and your obsession with the ideal of “working together,” and give top priority to protecting your own heart. The quickest way to heal a broken heart is to keep a physical and psychological distance from your teacher and reset your relationship once.

Letting go will leave room in your heart, and will surely open up a new good relationship or another path that really cares about you. I sincerely hope that your mind will be able to regain your peaceful days.

Worship
Engiji Temple Shakujo

Thank you very much for your consultation.

Something you've been thinking about all this month. I think that in itself is proof that I have taken great care of my relationships with my teachers.

The teacher's phrase “the way to touch treatment is sex” was probably an unscrupulous, artisan metaphor. Maybe I wanted to convey that “face your partner with your whole body and soul.” It somehow comes through.

However, it is true that you were hurt by it.

After sorting things out a bit, there are several things that overlap with the current situation. Before I knew it, the sense of distance that should exist in a place of treatment and instruction had become very close. They are friendly and kind to each other. Among them, the “gap” between the teacher's way of communicating and your sensitivity suddenly came to light with these words... I think that's the case.

There are times when people who have no ill intentions get hurt. And that doesn't mean either one is bad.
The phrase “wounds heal by oneself” and the feeling of “I want to convey them” are both honest voices within you. It's not about which one is correct. However, for those of you now, it may be necessary to calm down a bit and take a fresh look at this relationship first.

Just because you're thinking about working there in the future, continuing to run in the current state where your emotions are shaking will gradually exhaust you.
You can decide whether or not to tell your teacher how you feel after that.

The first thing to do is stop for a moment, wait, and sort things out. I have a feeling that this is what you need right now. We clap hands.

I read it.
I was able to read your feelings. I think you were so shocked and hurt during your interactions with that person. I don't know the details about you and that person, but I understand your feelings from the bottom of my heart.
I think you were deeply hurt by those words. I think you're still suffering in your heart.
If possible, I think it would be preferable to tell that person that you were so shocked and hurt.
I think it's better to have that person speak clearly and not understand it rather than keep it stored up in your heart all the time.
It may be a familiar word for that person, but it's probably true that you are having a hard time.
Let's talk clearly about the future and get that person to accept it. And let's ask for a firm apology.
I sincerely pray that that person will take your feelings firmly and sincerely apologize to you, and that you will be able to continue to have a relationship with that person, and that you will be able to live a fulfilling life every day.
And I will support you from the bottom of my heart.

The word “hurt” is an ambiguous word, so you may need to be careful.
I paraphrase “hurt” as “my anger of anger has kicked in.”
In other words, this time, your anger (feeling of disgust) has started.
Of course, telling the other person “I didn't like that statement” is part of communication.
You are free to tell and not tell.
However, as an assumption, I think the idea that “hurt” = the other party is bad (perpetrator) is dangerous.
It's just that anger on your part is the biggest cause.
Unaware, we have worries such as greed, anger, laziness, pride, etc., and those worries cause worry, suffering, and stress.
Buddhism teaches that if you attain enlightenment and get rid of your worries, you can get rid of your worries, suffering, and stress, and if you can control your worries even if you don't have enlightenment, you can cope well with worries, suffering, and stress.
Therefore, even when you are hurt, the Buddhist line of thought is to look at your own afflictions rather than blaming the other person first.
Next, since the other party also has worries, gaffes and blunders are possible, and it is a Buddhist line of thought that people who don't understand condone each other with an eye of mentality and mercy.
If you change your thoughts, your feelings will change.
If your feelings change, your mood changes.
If you change your mood, your physical condition will change.
If the anger of being hurt and the delusional distractions associated with it last for a long time, if you don't do well, you'll even feel unwell, so it's probably better to let go of your anger as soon as possible.
One way to do that is to try meditating, for example.
Incidentally, the teacher's “sex” remarks are related to the anguish of greed (it became fun and my mouth was slippery).
Simply put, the slightly racy way of saying it just stimulated desire (pleasure). The risk of politicians' gaffes will also increase when they have fun at the seat of giving lectures to relaxed supporters.

The relationship between you and your teacher is very close, and the boundary between treatment and guidance between the two of you behind closed doors is so vague that you can even forgive them.

Even though it is a relationship where we understand each other's positions, when we look at it from the outside, we still feel that they are too favored.

Certainly, they are people I trust in treatment and look up to my mentor, so I want to learn a lot, and being able to build a good relationship where I can open my mind and relax is irreplaceable, isn't it?

I also work in counseling sessions as a psychologist on a daily basis, so I sometimes feel favored. We're talking about something deep in our heart, so it's important that people feel safe and trust us. However, there are no private conversations or misleading sexual expressions. This is because it is a story unrelated to this occasion, and it causes anxiety and confusion for the other party.
Teachers must draw proper boundaries, right?

Now, depending on what you said, the teacher seemed to have a firm sense of your reaction after that. There is no need to tell them, and I think they will revise their future actions.

I think what you can do is respond without words. For example, even when you feel disgust or distrust, etc., it may be a quiet, silent response, and it will be a message with a firm boundary line.

By all means, let's maintain a comfortable relationship.