I feel like I have to make friends

Hello.
Not having any friends is very complicated.
This is because I think it is the presence or absence of friends of the same sex that you feel necessary without romantic feelings affects your value.

I have a partner who has been around for 5 years. We are able to be natural with each other, and the conversation is exciting.
I don't think it's easy to build a partnership up to this point. However, if you are of the opposite sex (especially male → female), there is a certain amount of demand, and I think anyone can have a relationship if they abandon their ideals.

Since I let others determine my value, I fall into the thought that I am inferior without friends.

I occasionally contact my old classmates that I was on good terms with, but they are one-sided, only relationships that break up if I break contact.
Even when I set my schedule, I feel a difference in energy, as people only worry about the time to return home.
Once these relationships are completely broken, there will finally be no one to meet. On the other hand, I feel that it's no use desperately trying to connect relationships that don't deepen.
I also think it's disrespectful to the other person to stop a relationship because they don't like loneliness.

Even when I try to make new friends, I almost always feel that the conversation isn't exciting or that it doesn't fit.

I'm wondering if there's a problem with my unattractiveness or personality, and I'm making an effort to fix what I'm aware of and learn conversations I'm not good at, but I don't know what's wrong.

As a matter of fact, I like being alone the most, and I don't want to force myself to socialize.
However, compared to people who have friends and seem to be having fun, it's hard for me to look miserable. I've always been impatient about having to make friends.

When I see people who are social, I feel intimidated or that they somehow build a wall out of their own. Also, there are places where I can't show my true self because I don't want to be disliked in front of people of the same sex.

If the world's values suggest that lonely people are superior, and in a world where people without friends make up the majority, I think I can accept myself without friends and live with peace of mind.

I get tired easily and want to be alone, but I don't like being alone. As long as you're in this world, I don't think you'll be able to have confidence in yourself.

The only way for me to live comfortably in this world is to make friends who can forgive each other?

I don't know what to do or what to think right now.

I would be grateful if you could give me some advice.

4 Zen Responses

The answer lies in a comfortable place

Friends aren't something you make; they are something you can do naturally. If you like time alone, there's no need to force yourself to make friends, and there's no need to get involved.
If it means that you have a partner too, I think that's fine.
your life. I'm not showing it to anyone. As long as you're satisfied now that you're satisfied, there's no problem.

Comparing yourself to someone or admiring someone's way of being is someone else.

Please create an environment where you feel comfortable and live in a dignified manner.
I'm not asking for anything else. Not wanting anything is a shortcut to happiness.

When you leave school and become an adult, you can't make friends, right? It's a society where people think in terms of profit and loss, they have different lives, there are big differences in values, and it's a society where you can't easily trust others.
How about starting a lesson or something? It may be easier for people who have the same goals to become friends with each other.
Also, be aware that having a partner is actually miraculous. The reality is not so easy that anyone can have a relationship if they abandon their ideals.

It's fine to be alone, and please stay in a relationship to the extent possible

I read it.
I feel like I understand your feelings too. You probably don't want to be alone, and even so, it's important to be alone. I understand your feelings from the bottom of my heart.
I think being alone is also a very good thing. As others have probably said, there is only one person. I have relationships and interact with various people, but I'm alone.
Therefore, it's very difficult to adapt to others too much, so I think it's good to go out with people to the extent possible. Nor is it about being in a relationship for a long time until it's impossible to hold them back.
Please prioritize your own everyday life.
I sincerely pray that you will be able to live your future life richly in your own way, and that you can live a fulfilling everyday life with compassion and respect for each other with the people you have relationships with. And I wholeheartedly support you.

You should refine your appeal so that people around you are interested in it.

It seems like you're feeling lonely, but you also have a partner. When I get in touch with them, it seems like some friends also respond.

I also read my profile. I think the symptoms written on it may make you feel more anxious, but you think “having friends is my value.” I think my friends give me value.

If that's the case, what do you think is attractive about being liked by people around you? What kind of person would you like to be friends with? That's because you find it appealing, isn't it?

I don't have that many friends. The only relationship I have as friends is that we have lunch once a year. However, the friends you get along with through work and activities are friends, comrades, and longings you aim for. It's not a relationship where we go out to play together, but a relationship where we work towards the same goals is a pleasant stimulus for me. I think that's enough, and I don't have any private friends.

I think there is also a saying “I like myself.” The longing to aim for is because, in my case, I am attracted to that person's knowledge, thoughts, and way of life, and I have a strong desire to learn a lot and do activities together. So I don't care about private life. I'm not looking for that kind of familiarity. I feel comfortable being alone in my private life, so I don't want anyone interfering with me.

Do you want friends to talk to and play with in private? If that's the case, you should have plenty of topics, be good at listening, and refine your appeal so that people around you take an interest in yourself. While doing so, I can fall in love with myself and show off myself. I think people will gather around such people.

← all dialogues ← previous next →