Attempts to commit suicide over and over again.

There must have been some major disgusting or painful things in the past.
It seems difficult to be alone, so why not display a photo showing your husband and you in a place where you can clearly see it in your room? I don't know if I can afford it, but if possible, try getting a cat or dog. It would be nice if you could feel like you're not alone.
Also, try not to think about the past as much as possible. If something from the past comes to mind, it's a good idea to watch the scenery or TV right in front of you. Please tell yourself that where you are now is not in the past, and you don't have to worry about anything.
Also, please write questions or tweets.

I feel it would be good to move away from a way of life based on feelings of wanting to die and not wanting to die.
Learn from your body's functions. Your body is trying to live until you die. They don't say they want to die, they accept everything and live their lives with peace of mind as it is.

Breathing, blood is shed, and cells are reborn and alive. I'm going to use this body, which I've borrowed until the end, and I'm going to return it to the soil.

Your body doesn't live on a thought-based, thought-based, idea-based basis. There are no likes and dislikes, right and wrong, profit or loss, and they live without shortage.

It's a way of life that is my true self.
I'm not leaving my thoughts from now on, but I feel like I'm already moving away from my thoughts. Try turning your eyes in a different direction. It shifts to fact-based and reality-based ways of life.

I read it.
I read that you have attempted suicide repeatedly. You want to die when you're alone, don't you think? You're worried that you won't want to die if you do that. I don't know the details about you or the people around you, but I understand your feelings from the bottom of my heart.

I think there are actually a lot of people who think like you. Here at Hasunoha, many people are consulting and asking questions just like you.

If you don't mind, please check out the other questions.
Each situation, dimension, environment, and world are probably different, but there are times when people want to die. There are also people who are alive even in such circumstances.

So first, please know that you are not alone, that you are by no means alone, and that you share your thoughts with us even here and now.

There were many times when it was hard for me and I wanted to die even more. He attempted suicide several times, but did not die. Once again, I think it's life, life, and wonder. And I also think that things don't quite go the way you want them to.

Under such circumstances, I am continuing to respond and let me know what you and everyone else think.

Please continue to share your thoughts here as well. Please share it with us and many others. Please pass on your thoughts to the Buddha, gods, and ancestors as they are.
We look forward to welcoming you.

Thank you for your consultation, Kuro-sama

You want to die because of complex PTSD and obsessive-compulsive disorder, and it's not your fault or your fault. It's not your fault.
Please think so first. I don't think it's my fault.
And what can I do right in front of me right now, at this time, to get away from the desire to die? Let's calm down and concentrate on it.
Maybe it's a relaxed breath. Maybe it's just a matter of relaxing your posture. But you can move away from that bad feeling by focusing on what you can do, not judging, not evaluating, and simply paying attention to it and continuing to focus on it.
And if that desire to die springs up again, what would you do now at that time to not get caught up in that thought?
It doesn't matter if you just immerse yourself in work or housework. It's OK to just take a walk and let your mind go. Just do what you can do right in front of you.

Don't blame yourself, be kind and compassionate towards yourself, don't judge, don't evaluate, and be indifferent to what you can do in front of you. As you do this over and over again, you will gradually realize that you are alive.
I think so. Please refer to it.
One bow

Trauma treatment is difficult, isn't it? There are many different approaches, so I don't think they're right for you right now.

If the pain of treatment is making you feel like you want to die, let's tell your doctor, “I've been driven in and now is tough.” It's okay, they probably have strong symptoms of despair.

I don't want to die. That's your real intention, isn't it? Let's cherish that feeling.
Also, if you repeatedly self-injure yourself, wouldn't it be necessary to be hospitalized in order to rest your mind and body for a while? Please feel a safe and secure connection while resting your mind.

Your husband is a safe ally for you, isn't he? Let's stay connected.
You can always get a reply from Hasunoha. Let's connect when you're anxious.

On Zoom on the 1st of every month (22:00 to 00:00), I open a room with people who have feelings of wanting to die and their whereabouts. I spend my time sharing that I've worked so hard to live. Information is also posted on the temple page. Please rely on that kind of connection too.

I have an ally and peace of mind that can reach out to you. You're not alone, are you? Please rely on it. Let's live together.