My wife found out about the affair

I read your consultation.

The first thing I want to say is that the intense sense of regret and guilt you are feeling right now is also proof that you have finally begun to face the fact that you have deeply hurt your wife.

The wife right after the affair was discovered isn't simply angry. The foundation they believed in suddenly collapsed, and they are in a deep sense of loss and despair, “What was the marital life up until now?” Crying and vomiting show the magnitude of the impact.

The most important thing at this stage is not “getting forgiveness,” but “continuing to be close to your wife's suffering.”

I apologized and it didn't end there. Even if your wife is angry or if the same story is repeated over and over, you need to be prepared to continue to accept that pain without thinking “I've already apologized.”

In Buddhism, it is explained that humans live with worries. There is no perfect human being who doesn't give in to temptation. But at the same time, you can't escape the consequences of your actions.

You can't erase the past.

However, we can change the way we live in the future.

If you just keep blaming yourself for “why did you do such a thing,” your suffering will only deepen. rather,

“I am a person who has made mistakes. After acknowledging that fact, let's live honestly all day today.”

That attitude is important.

Right now, no one knows if they'll get divorced or not. It may take months or even years for your wife to sort out her mind.

But do not rush with results.

We don't become truthful in order to be forgiven; we continue to be faithful even when we are not forgiven. This accumulation is the only way to gradually restore lost trust.

Also, don't hold yourself alone. Please prepare your own mind while consulting with friends you trust.

Sometimes life makes us face up to our own foolishness. However, there are times when people's pain is understood for the first time through that experience.

This is a difficult time, but don't waste this suffering and use it as a time to learn “how to live without repeating the same mistakes again.”

Your wife's wounds won't heal quickly. But an honest step today will also be a step towards trust tomorrow. Don't be impatient, don't make excuses, and walk away. I think that is the only way to start again.

P.S. I too have experienced an affair.

I saw your consultation.

It is said that his wife found out about the affair.

The betrayal of a partner who has been with them for decades is unbearable for women.

When I saw them crying and vomiting and feeling emaciated, they probably really trusted them.

She's a really well-made wife who didn't talk to her parents, children, or friends around her.

and yet...

Who supported me in my life? You should think about it once again.

There are times when I haven't had a night out with my wife for over 10 years, but I also had sexual desires.

What has been going on until now?

What kind of temptation is a woman's temptation?

Please be firm.

What's more, blaming your wife for the cause of the affair is terrible.

But the past hasn't changed in any way.

If you really want to start over, you have to feel like prostrate every day.
It's OK to prostrate.

I was worried that I might be called out for divorce, but rather than getting involved in such self-preservation,

Take care of your wife's heart without thinking about anything.

That's number one.

There is a saying that if you leave it like this, it's likely to come true, but you have to accept it. That's because it's a sign of being prepared to bear the crime.

Don't run away.

I'm wondering how I should treat my wife in the future,

I think it will take time.

Don't stimulate your wife until she calms down.

She seems to be a smart wife, so I feel that it will be quick if they decide to get divorced.

Show your sincerity every day. (Not just the shape, but from the heart)

Write a letter saying sorry, hand over a bouquet of flowers when the wife calms down,

Don't let them do housework right now.
Please do your own cooking and laundry as much as possible.

It's about apologizing over and over again.

The importance of a wife that you hadn't noticed until now should also be conveyed in words.

Please do the best you can.

Also, if the environment changes, please let us know.

I read it.
I read that you had an affair, that you deeply hurt your wife by talking about it, and that you very much regret it. I don't know the details about you, your wife, or your partner, but it conveys that you are very worried. I understand your feelings from the bottom of my heart.
You probably didn't think it would be that difficult, and you never anticipated it would be that far. And you yourself are probably very surprised and wondering what to do.
First of all, please sincerely reflect on the mistakes you have committed yourself, and sincerely repent to the Buddha, gods, and ancestors. Also, let's apologize to the Buddha, gods, and ancestors, and sincerely apologize to our wives. Also, please swear from the bottom of your heart to the Buddha, gods, ancestors, and wives that you will never make the same mistake again and not to hurt your wife, family, or many people.
Your wife is probably in the midst of a lot of trouble right now, so let's sincerely apologize while considering her condition. I don't know if they'll accept it right now, but please don't impose your own feelings, but please apologize and swear while caring for your wife.
Your thoughts will reach the Buddha, gods, and ancestors, and your apologies may one day reach them.

Please think for yourself what you should do as you live your life with your wife from now on.
And in between, let's listen carefully to your wife's feelings. And let's accept our wife's thoughts.
It's a relationship between two important and irreplaceable people, and it's life, isn't it?
I sincerely pray to the Buddha, God, and your ancestors that you will sincerely apologize to your wife, care for each other, help your future without trust, and live happily.
And I wholeheartedly support you, your wife, and everyone in your family.

you can't pull back anymore...
I think I confessed because I had a feeling that I had to accept any kind of atonement.

Feelings of being betrayed by someone I believed in. I was disappointed that it was my husband who had been with me for so many years.
Your wife's tears and vomiting are probably a reaction of rejection towards you.

If it comes true, there is no choice but to make an effort to rebuild, but after admitting infidelity, you may be charged alimony for mental pain.

I think my wife is thinking about what to do next. I think there is no choice but to respond sincerely to those questions and wishes.