About the mother who interferes too much during job hunting for a 21-year-old woman

Thank you for your consultation. You've accepted your mother's thoughts until now, and you've endured them well for many years. First of all, in conclusion, you are by no means an “unfaithful parent.” That determination to walk through life on your own feet is very admirable and a testament to your natural and precious growth as a person.

While your mother raised you with only one woman, protecting you became a reason for life, and at some point did that deep love turn into a strong “obsession.” In Buddhism, we believe that excessive attachment causes suffering for each other. Your mother's harsh words, “I can't live alone,” seem to worry about you, and actually come from “anxiety about moving away from myself.” The mother herself is now facing the challenge of her life called “leaving her child,” and she is suffering.

The Buddha was taught “jitomyo (jitomyo),” that is, “don't depend on others and live your life as your foundation.” Your attitude of leaving your parents and aiming for independence is exactly what this teaching says. Even if it temporarily makes your mother angry, showing how you survive with your own strength will lead to “filial piety” in the long run in the true sense of the word.

As you said, the reality of living alone can be tough. However, the value of the “freedom and independence” that I want to gain even with that hardship is immeasurable. Please take pride in your decisions and proceed proudly with your job hunting in the Kanto region. I wholeheartedly support your brave step.

Worship
Engiji Temple Shakujo

The greatest filial act is not living apart; it is when you become unhappy.
So it's not a bad thing to get a job in Kanto in order for you to be happy.
However, recently, I often see news where people get jobs in Tokyo from rural areas, have bad relationships, get involved in crimes, and get arrested. Even if you go to Kanto, please be careful not to be scammed by bad people, don't get into debt, and don't get into bad places.
Also, if the only purpose is to become independent from parents, I think it's possible in neighboring prefectures or in remote locations within the same prefecture. If you have children in the future, you can leave them if your parents are nearby, which is convenient. If you have a fever, the nursery school won't take care of you.
If you separate from your parents, I think your relationship will be slightly calmer than before. Until now, what was a hierarchical relationship between parents and children has moved closer to an equal relationship between adults due to separation. Even if they live together in the future, I think relationships will improve if you experience separation once.
Also, if you live together and have a curfew, you won't be able to date even if you have a boyfriend.

I read it.
I don't think your parents are unfaithful if you think so. You have your life and your future. It's very important for you to become independent as a single person, so I think it's a great pleasure to go outside the prefecture, live alone, and become independent.
I left my hometown to live before I turned 18. I was sent living expenses, but now that I went to school, worked part-time, and lived alone, I was able to understand a lot of things. If you go outside, you'll be able to understand the environment up until now and the parents and children even more.
I think that if you become independent like that, as a result, you will become a very desirable person for both you and your parents.
I sincerely pray that you will be able to fully live the life you have been given while respecting each other and that you will be able to fully live through the life you have been given as a single person.
And I wholeheartedly support you.

Mom interfered quite a bit, didn't she? Even as a parent, I get tired if I focus too much on my kids. If you don't keep track of it rather than take care of it, your mother's feelings probably won't calm down. It's abnormal to even manage money. I'm worried about your future.

Even if I say children, they are adults already, and I need them to become independent. I hope so, but you probably want to manage your life and choices, too.

Excessive interference is a form of abuse. Children are not recognized as independent individuals. Denies children's intentions, thoughts, ego development, and autonomy. Controlling at the will of a parent is not love.

If I don't leave now, I think it will interfere with employment, romance, marriage partner, home to live in, and child-rearing.
You can't live alone, never get a job in the prefecture, and don't do job hunting without permission is taking away your freedom and rights.

Distance is necessary for a healthy parent-child relationship. For mothers, too, I have to get them to graduate from being a child. I agree with living alone. I also want to support job hunting outside of the prefecture.

I'll tell you about the consultation desk. Rely on this one too.

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