How to overcome remorse and self-blame

I would like some advice on how to think about regret and self-blame.

Currently, I regret naming my daughter. As a result of considering the origin and number of strokes, I made the kanji sound like a kanji from a year ago and not modern. (I've written a few more details in my profile)
I was a little concerned about this when I named them, but I thought there would be no problem once I got used to them. But even after 1 year of birth, I didn't get used to it and I'm still here. Sound and ease of reading are important in my daily life, yet I blame myself every day for noticing and overlooking it.

Not limited to this, they are people with a strong sense of self-remorse. I'm reading “Practice Not Responding” by Dr. Ryushun Kusanagi in an attempt to improve. Little by little, I began to not worry about “my evaluation dropped (example: getting scolded by my boss at work)” so I tried not to get attached to it.
However, “things that have bothered others or made others feel bad” cannot be erased even if you change your way of thinking. In this case, I can not worry about “myself who misnamed my daughter,” but my daughter must live by this name. I'm the one who named it, so I feel like I shouldn't be the only one freed from my worries. Similarly, “the past where I hurt others with my own gaffes” will never be forgotten. I felt bad about others because of myself, so I blame myself just like back then, when I remember from time to time that I shouldn't live without forgetting only myself.

I think the teaching of Buddhism is that “even if you regret it, nothing will change; just try not to do the same thing next time.” But if I go through this experience and my way of life improves, what will happen to my daughter's name and the lives of others she hurt? I'm wondering if it's okay for me to overcome it alone. On the other hand, I also think it's too difficult to live with this way of thinking.
Could you give me this advice?

4 Zen Responses

I don't care that much about others

To be honest, I don't think anyone else cares much about my daughter's name.
There's no need to worry that much about sounds that aren't modern.
The times are changing, so there are also names that go around once and become popular again.
Also, since it is an age of internationalization, there are children with various names.
At least, you chose that name at the time of birth registration, so it's probably not an overtly strange name.
There is no such thing as a perfect name in this world.
People grow (become smarter), so if you keep thinking about it, you'll come up with any number of good names.
There is no end.
What I think must be a perfect name is a delusional distraction that causes greed, obsession, worry, suffering, and stress.
Delusional distractions are a transient decrease that passes through the mind.
When the movie is over, the screen that was dyed with images returns to a pure white cloth. Movies can't stain the screen.
It's a film where being greedy (better name) also goes past your mind.
Intentionally pause your delusional distractions.
Thinking the same thing over and over again is a waste of time and energy.
Let's think about something else, do another job.

You thought about the origin, number of strokes, etc., and put it on, right? That's great. It's fine. My daughter will like it too. It's okay if it's difficult to read. Until now, no one has been able to read my name correctly the first time, but I am satisfied. I don't think my daughter would mind either. On the other hand, it has characteristics, and it may be easy for people to remember because it leaves an impression on them. Please don't worry about it. Please call them names with confidence. May your daughter grow up bright and healthy.

The important thing is to raise children

I read it.
I read that you are very sorry about naming your child. I don't know the details about you, your children, or everyone, but I understand your feelings from the bottom of my heart.
They say that if you have a lot of regrets, you won't get used to it, but since you gave it to your child from the bottom of my heart, I think it's a wonderful thing, and I feel that it's a very good name.
Regret may easily take precedence in you right now, but as your child grows, it will also be a different feeling. Above all else, children themselves will get used to their own name, and I think they will grow up proud of themselves.
Even if you regret it so much now, the way you perceive it will change as time passes.
The important thing is for you and everyone to raise your child together while loving and caring.
I sincerely pray that you and everyone will love and nurture your children from the bottom of your heart, and that your children will grow up healthily, and that you will be able to get through every day in good company and happiness from the bottom of your heart. And I wholeheartedly support you and everyone.

Trust in the power of children. You, too, should have confidence.

You've been blaming me for the past year, haven't you?
Even if people around you say they don't care about it, they probably care because you named it yourself.

Are you spending time with your kids slowly? If it's been 1 year since delivery, maybe mom still hasn't been able to sleep well at night. Thank you for raising children every day.
Kids probably cry a lot, but they're cute after all. They look at you and laugh, don't they? They turn to the call and run after you, don't they?

That's because kids love their mom. The voices you hear and the names you call make me feel at ease.

Perfection in origin, number of strokes, feelings, and sound is difficult. I'm sure it is! If you think about it, it's probably perfect, and if you think of anything else, it seems like it's lacking.

But the kindness of loving children, thinking about them, and putting wishes into them is the most wonderful thing, not being affected by anyone.
Because kids are growing up fast every day, aren't they? You laugh when you look at your mom, don't you? That's because you're smiling. How happy you are.

Names, in that way, become comfortable because they love the child in front of them more than their origin, number of strokes, and sounds.

When I was a teacher at a kindergarten or school, I checked the children's applications every year. When I check only the names of the kanji, I only look at “characters,” such as difficult kanji, how to read them, and making sure not to make mistakes when writing. Yes, that's right. I'm looking at the documents.
However, the children who enter the kindergarten respond cheerfully to the name with an extraordinary smile and voice. How cute is that? What a lovely name. If they are children who have been raised with care, they are adorable. From there, childcare education will begin together with parents.

The name is already special from the moment you name it.
Let's love names with your kids.

A cute cute name. It's really nice.
your child's life? It allows children to live well. Let's believe in the power children have. You, too, should have confidence.

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