I'm at a loss about how I should change myself

There are pains in nursing care that only those who have experienced it can understand.

I don't know what tomorrow will be like.

No, things may be different today and even yesterday, let alone tomorrow.

Unfortunately, there aren't many things that can be improved in a positive direction.

I have been involved in helping and caring for my parents for close to ten years.

My parents both entered the facility at the end of Reiwa 2, and even after that, they went to see each other frequently.

Looking back,

I don't think I had much time to rest.

So I can imagine your husband is exhausted.

But on the other hand,

“I know nursing is difficult. But what's going to happen to the family?”

I think the consultant's feeling is also true.

The person who is taking care of them

I'm being chased by the problem at hand.

hospitals.

facility.

money.

Contact with siblings.

The parent's physical condition.

If you notice it, that's all the day will be over.

And then I couldn't afford it,

There are times when I'm spoiled by my closest family.

Originally, it's someone I should be thankful for.

So I have one suggestion.

To my husband

“Is there anything I can do to help?”

Why don't you ask?

“I know it's going to be tough.”

“If there's anything I can do, I'll help.”

That's one word.

It may seem surprising,

People who care for them are lonely.

If you look at it from your surroundings, even if you're surrounded by family,

There are times when the person himself feels like he is carrying it alone.

So,

“I'll help you.”

“We'll think about it together.”

There are times when you can be saved with just one word.

Of course, that doesn't solve everything.

However, it may be an opportunity for your husband to come back as a “husband.”

Please don't put up too much with yourself.

That's because people who support their husbands also need support.

Gassho

Midori, we have received your consultation.

It is said that the “son/older brother” aspect has grown since my husband started taking care of my parents-in-law.

Families are being eroded by the hardships of nursing care, aren't they?

You don't have to think that
I'm putting up with it too
I'm not saying anything

My husband can also feel his love for Midori right now, when capacity is at the verge of over capacity.

But they're probably desperate.

Midori saw that attitude and became uneasy.

For Midori, it would be lonely, wouldn't she? It's sad isn't it?
I painfully understand how painful it is.
It makes me feel left out, doesn't it?

But think about it.
My husband didn't have an affair, nor did he cool down with Midori

Work hard, as a parent, or as a representative of your own parents' house

I'm trying to overcome it somehow.

I think it's a form of love that doesn't go out of your way, even to your wife.

My husband also has a personality, so I may not be able to express it well.

In such a case, please say kind words from Midori by all means.

Gently, you can start by serving tea, something, shut up,

“I understand you. Thank you.”

It's important to spend time with that feeling.

Once or twice may be difficult.
Continuity is important.

Also, in order to be kind to her husband, it might be good for Midori herself to have some new hobbies that she can concentrate on.

If you can take a bird's-eye view and see the couple's relationship, surprisingly, you can feel at ease even a little bit.

Please melt your husband's four-faced songs with your wife's love.

Please try out various things.

I will be supporting Midori 📣 so that she can have a fun and satisfying time!

I am heartbroken by your sincerity and deep loneliness in striving to the limit to change your own way of thinking. In Buddhism, there is a saying “love separation from suffering (suffering where a loved one is separated from one's heart).” Spending time under the same roof and not being able to communicate is far more lonely than being alone. It's really painful.

The reason why your husband now wears his “son/older brother” armor and runs away to his smartphone is probably because he is so overloaded that his heart would be crushed if he didn't do that. The words “I'm putting up with it too” are not a rejection of you, but a scream from his soul. It also looks like a clumsy consideration not to let my wife, who is supposed to be spoiled the most, listen to pathetic complaints.

What you can do now to “change yourself” is loosen your grip strength to correct the relationship once and then gently ask, “How can I help?” It's about calling out. It doesn't matter if they say “it's okay.” That one word is an umbrella offered to him when he is being hit by cold rain.

Instead of changing his opponent, it's about becoming a “safe zone” where he can let go of his burden. This is the “mercy” that Buddhism preaches. The umbrella you held out should eventually melt the ice in your husband's heart and become a light that will save your own loneliness. Please take care of yourself.

Worship
Engiji Temple Shakujo

It's called caring for your parents-in-law, and parents exist for you too. It bothers you, doesn't it? Also, contacts will increase due to cooperation with siblings. My parents are working with my siblings, so let's keep an eye on them.

Throwing up your consultation without even listening to it makes me sad that they aren't interested in this.

However, my husband is probably doing his best about his parents right now, and not only can he not take time, but I think he's worried about his parents' condition.

I also kept in touch frequently as a sister when my parents at my parents' house got sick and were hospitalized, and I left the temple (house) to my husband. This was not something that could be compared to which was more important; it also meant that priority was given to urgency. I was so worried about my parents that I was also very worried. So I felt safe, and it was reassuring to be able to entrust the house to my husband and children.

Maybe it's because my husband feels that way too. From your answers, it seems that caring for your husband has eased his feelings too. When you can't afford it, it's easy to lose your tone and attitude. I want to learn how to be compassionate and wonder if that's the situation.