To my father who passed away before I was born

My father passed away from cancer 3 months before I was born. She was a very hard worker, and although she married her mother in her late 30s, she passed away at age 40.

Since I was born, I grew up receiving a lot of love from my mother, grandparents, and relatives, so there was no way I couldn't bear it because my father wasn't there.
Also, my mother loved my father, so I recognized that my father was a good person and lived my life.

However, every time Father's Day, school events, etc. came, I felt sad and wanted to disappear. Even now, when the topic of my father comes up around me, I'm desperate to change the topic itself so that I can't be bothered by the conversation.

But recently, I've been wondering more about what my father thought of me. My father didn't leave me any letters or video messages, and I wonder if he had love for me. When I became an adult, I wonder what kind of advice I would have received for work etc. if my father had been around.
Also, it's sad that I've never met my father. There's nothing I can do about it.

I am now living happily without any inconvenience, probably because my father's absence is the driving force, and I have fulfilled a dream that I couldn't fulfill on my own, getting married.

But somewhere in my heart, I haven't been able to attain my father, or rather, I'm hazy.
However, I thought it would be a pity even if I conveyed this feeling to my mother, and I never blamed my father for not being there. I don't want to make my mother sad any more because I think it's the hardest time for her to lose a loved one.

How should I face my own feelings and live my life in the future? I'd love to hear your advice. Thank you for your support.

4 Zen Responses

Keep on conveying your thoughts.

Thank you, Nako-sama, for your consultation.

It's good to keep sharing your feelings for your father.
Even if we haven't met in this world,
Maybe we'll meet in another world.
I don't know that,
By continuing to convey various thoughts
Somehow, there are times when a response comes back.
Maybe you noticed something from a natural landscape
At an unexpected moment, you may feel like you're being protected somehow.
I think it's a good idea to cherish that awareness and sense and live your life as before.
Also, you may feel a connection or bond as you join hands with your mother and continue the memorial service with your father. By sharing the feeling of being loved and protected with everyone in the family, I think my father will be delighted.
It's nothing special, and please feel it at the memorial service as before.

If you have something specific to say,
There is something called a grief post.
It's about sending a one-step letter or email
It also makes you feel like your feelings have arrived, so why not try using it?
(There is also a grief post section on my temple's official line)

Your father probably feels joy that you are happy, and I think he is at ease with the Buddha. Please believe in that and stay with us no matter what.
Gassho ceremony

PS: Thank you so much for your quick thank you message. Sorry, that's a correction. As I'm sure you understand, it's not a “one-step street,” it's a “one-way street.” I'm sorry. Talking about your feelings can also calm you down. Please don't hesitate to talk. I would like to thank you for this partnership. Regret

Dad is always kind and protective

I read it.
Your father passed away before you were born, and you're still feeling lonely and sad. I don't know the details about you, your father, mother, or family, but it really conveys your sadness and tenderness. I understand your feelings from the bottom of my heart.

It really conveys your feelings of wanting to meet your father, wanting to know what your father thinks, and wanting to know how your father is doing. I think it's natural for you to think so.

I sincerely pray that your father will be at ease. We wholeheartedly agree

Please pray with all your heart that your father will be at ease from the bottom of your heart. We wholeheartedly agree

Fathers are always kindly welcomed by Buddha and God, close people and ancestors who have gone to their destination, and they are saved from any hesitation and suffering. Under the Buddha and God, the father is reunited with his ancestors, feels truly at ease, and continues to attain Buddhism cleanly.
Your father, along with your ancestors, will gently watch over you and your family anytime, anywhere.

Dad passed away due to illness, and he may have been very sorry that he wasn't able to see you and raise him nearby, and it must have been very sad, and it must have been painful.

However, your father will kindly watch over you and everyone anytime, anywhere, and will support you all.

Your father is probably sincerely happy that you were born, and he is probably grateful to your wife and everyone. And they will continue to love and be kind to all of you.
Your father's relationship with you and everyone will continue forever from now on.

Please tell your father from the bottom of your heart how much you feel for him. I'm sure your father will kindly accept all of your thoughts.
I sincerely pray to your father that you and everyone will continue to cherish your relationship with your father, be gently protected by your father, and that everyone can live a healthy and friendly life together. We wholeheartedly agree

Also, when one day you and everyone have a full life, I am praying sincerely to Buddha, gods, ancestors, and fathers so that the Buddha, God will guide you, and that your father and ancestors will kindly welcome you, and that they will rejoice in the reunion. We wholeheartedly agree

Your father's greatest wish is for you to make your dreams come true and live a happy life with a smile

I am struck by your kindness and deep pain as you have worked so hard to live your life while caring for your mother, hidden in your heart for over 20 years since you were born. There is an unavoidable suffering called “life, old age, illness, and death,” but I wonder how sorry my father, who battled illness at the young age of 40 and left, was also unfortunate.

“Did you have love for me?” There is absolutely no need to feel uneasy. In the midst of suffering from illness, meeting you, who will be born 3 months later, must have been your father's greatest hope and light for life.

Also, there is no need to wonder “your father may not have attained Buddhism.” Amida has vowed to save everyone. Your father is now a Buddha, and he has been, and always will, gently protect you and your mother.

As a way to face the future, it's fine in front of a Buddhist altar or tomb, or in your heart if you don't have one, so I recommend a lifestyle where you gently put your hands together and say “Namu Amida Buddha” and a thankful nenbutsu as if you were talking to your father. Nembutsu is a warm signpost for communicating with your father, who has become a Buddha.

Dad's greatest wish is for you to make your dreams come true and live a happy life with a smile. Please continue your own happy journey with gratitude to your father, who always snuggles up to you, saying “Thank you for watching over me.”

Worship
Engiji Temple Shakujo

By talking, you can confirm your feelings and notice deeper love.

What kind of person was your father? I wanted to meet him. I wanted to talk and feel my dad's thoughts and love for me.

I think there is also loneliness and loneliness.

I wonder if my mother feels the same way. I wonder if it's a pity to tell your mother how you feel. The mother may also feel sad, but rather than putting a lid on it, I think it will be a very warm time for mother and daughter to be able to talk about their father, think about their father, and share their missed feelings.

At memorial services, no matter how many years have passed, I am able to remember those who have passed away, and they tell me their stories. For me, even if it's someone I haven't met in this world, it's a warm time where I can go through my thoughts from the story and meet that person.

“What are you going to say to me right now. Why don't you tell your mom, “Let me hear your dad's story.” I wonder if it is possible to touch on a father's love from his mother's words. I think it's precious to be able to be a parent and child like this.

You're close to the age your father passed away, aren't you? That's why it shakes my mind to wonder if it was a pity and how they thought about the family they would leave behind.

What kind of you would like people to see right now?
By talking about it, you may be able to confirm your feelings for your father and notice your deeper love.

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