Why do bad relationships continue?

How painful and frustrating was your husband's parents when they gathered their courage to tell you everything, but were directed at them with heartless words and ununderstanding attitudes. I read the story, and my heart aches deeply.

First, the father-in-law's statement that his child's disability is “due to marital relationships” is completely wrong. Marital relationships and children's disabilities are not directly related, so please never blame yourself. Even for parents-in-law, the husband is still a “cute son” even now that they are adults, and the feeling that “the son is not bad” and “the wife is bad” is probably at the root. It's extremely unreasonable, but it's also important to protect yourself and your child by letting go of it as someone you don't communicate with or get along with.

It makes me sad, “why do bad relationships continue,” but the Yoshizane family's cold treatment is all connected to one fundamental bad relationship called “the husband who does moral harassment DV.” That's why what should be done now is to legally sort out the bad relationship that is the cause of this and break it off completely.

Your husband's actions are naturally grounds for divorce, and you have the right to claim alimony and legitimate child support. Instead of expecting the other person to change their mind, let's use the help of experts and gather as much evidence as possible, such as daily memos, and move quietly to a solution.

If I can resolutely let go of my difficult relationship with my husband, days of calm and peace where I can laugh with my children will surely come beyond that. We sincerely hope for the future for you and your child.

worship
Engiji Temple Shakujo

I have read your consultation.

This time, I will tell you not only words of comfort, but also what I felt as a monk.

Just as you value your child above all else, your husband is an irreplaceable son for parents-in-law.

As a result, I was unable to be on your side or your husband's side, and I think it was a difficult position.

Rather than wanting to discuss the cause of the disability, the father-in-law's words may have expressed his wish “I want the couple to support each other” in a clumsy form.

Also, I feel that my mother-in-law's phrase “you must change” also included giving up that “my son may not change.”

Of course, those words don't lessen your suffering.

Rather, it is natural that the thought “I wanted help” will remain.

However, there is only one thing I would like to say.

You said, “The bad relationship continues.”

If you think, “This is a bad relationship, so it can't be helped,” your life will stop there.

However, if you are able to accept that “this is an assignment given to me,” you will have the ability to think about the next step.

Buddhism is not about giving up on one's destiny.

It's a teaching about finding a path you can walk even in the midst of suffering.

Changing parents-in-law can be difficult.

Even if your husband changes, you won't be able to do anything with your power alone.

However, you can choose how you want to go about your future life.

I think that step by step, events that you thought were “bad relationships” will eventually turn into food for life.

Gassho

I read it.
Nothing changes when I talk to my parents-in-law or sister, does it? You're really worried about what to do in such a situation, aren't you? I don't know the details about you, your husband, or your in-laws, but it tells me that you are alone and not having a very hard time. I understand your feelings from the bottom of my heart.
I don't know the details of the family members, but even if you say it to those people, it's probably not easy to convey your thoughts or facts. What my husband did is a crime, and it's a crime. Simply leaving it alone or protecting it without any response or improvement will not solve anything.
It may only be impossible for lawyers or public institutions to pay attention, guidance, and response to those people.
Your husband is the perpetrator who has hurt you deeply, and your family probably has more than a small share of responsibility. And since you have been hurt and have suffered significant damage, you should be held responsible from a fair third party, the perpetrator needs to deeply reflect and apologize, and is responsible for damages and future compensation.
You and your child are also nurturing and living, so don't be alone and promptly consult with public institutions, child family support centers, child counseling centers, or local government life support desks and receive appropriate advice and support.
You and your child are never alone; there are many people watching and supporting you and your child.
First of all, I sincerely pray that you and your children will be protected by many people and that you can live every day with peace of mind; that your child will be loved by many people and grow up healthily; that your husband will sincerely repent and sincerely apologize for your own sins; that you and your child will be able to live happily every day with everyone.
And I wholeheartedly support you and your child.

My parents-in-law have no idea how damaging violence DV is. Ignoring ignorance about disability or the hardships of parents with children with disabilities, and blaming them to be on good terms and do their best because of the parents' discord is secondary damage that drives victims.

It really makes me sad. After all, it hasn't changed. No one is protecting you or your child. They weren't people who would be allies or strength, were they? That's really sad.

is everything okay? I'm worried about you. Even though I confided in it this way, I was hurt.
it's painful, isn't it? It makes me wonder why I got married, and my past is in vain.

You have supporters. Let's move so that safety and security are guaranteed.
The correct answer is to break ties with the people in this house.