Obsession with people is painful

I think you are puzzled by yourself, whose heart has moved you so much after meeting them a few times.
The first thing I want to say is that this obsession is proof that you “can't easily fall in love with people” have moved your heart.
There's no need to be ashamed.

There is a saying in Buddhism, “everything is suffering.”
The teaching is that it makes sense that the world doesn't turn out the way you want it to.

The fact that you didn't have “10 points” for your opponent isn't a matter of your attractiveness.
In the first place, it is rare for two people who grew up in different environments and who have met so far to feel for the same partner with the exact same amount of enthusiasm.

I don't think we need an answer to the question “why do we get so attached?” I dealt with people so sincerely that I became obsessed, that's all. The question you should ask is “what do we do now?”

If it's a relationship we can still get in touch with, I'll try walking up a little bit within a reasonable range.
If you don't have a relationship anymore, use this time as food to look back on “what have I told you too much and what I haven't heard enough.”
I think that's enough.

You don't have to lie to fit in with your partner.

However, the effort to find room to bring one's heart closer should not be unsightly at all.

You don't have to try to erase your current sadness in a hurry.
I hope you can slowly walk to the next relationship.
Gassho

The phrase “one life and one death” appears in a sutra. Everyone goes through encounters and breakups, and eventually dies alone.
If you think about “who will eventually break up with” over a span of several decades, it's the same after all, so let's first take a breath from a long-term perspective.
Next, everyone is worried about laziness, so it's troublesome to respond to changes in situations, so it's natural to seek stability and get attached to the current situation, so let's take another breath from a broad perspective, saying, “It's unavoidable because it's a tribe that all humans want to be attached to.”
Next, let's take another breath from an ultra-short term perspective, saying that our heart (thoughts and feelings) floats and disappears moment by moment, and the heart that feels the pain of obsession also floats and disappears in seconds, so even painful feelings disappear in seconds once at a time.
For example, try chanting “Namu Amida Buddha” and “Namu Amidabu Namu Amidabu” a few times.
Let's notice that the self that is doing nembutsu (forgetting about everyday worries and suffering) and the self that doesn't have nembutsu (immersed in everyday worries and suffering) continue to be replaced at a tremendous speed.
Customers who are obsessed also come to their hearts. The master of the heart is Namu Amida Buddha. The guests always pass by, and the owner of Namu Amida Buddha comes back to his heart.
You can live until you die because of that repetition.
Now, with matching apps, it seems common for people to not be able to narrow it down to one partner in the hope that “you will meet even better people.” But at some point, we'll have to compromise. He didn't have that moment yet, did he?

I don't know what kind of romantic experiences you've had so far, in your 30s, but I have a strange feeling why you become so attached to men you've only met on matching apps.
If it were normal, you would have met and broken up over and over again until now, and if it doesn't suit you, you may be able to switch your mind to the next man.
I felt uncomfortable with your idea that I just wanted to have a relationship.
Marriage is an extension of romance.
If you love them and can't stand to love them, you'll want to be together every day, and of course you will arrive at the goal of marriage.
Then, I'll give you some advice.
Why don't you take the plunge and dive into the heart of that man you're interested in?
Try to be honest with your feelings.
Even if men don't like you, you have nothing to lose.
I don't know if it will result in the two loving each other or hurting each other, but it's far better than doing nothing.
I believe that when people live, they love and hurt each other.
If things don't go well, you can just give up once and for all and move on.
This is an irresponsible answer, but I hope you find it at least somewhat helpful.

You met on a matching app, didn't you? Your choices will be different depending on what you are looking for in your partner (purpose). That's probably the case with your opponent. Especially with matching apps, that's obvious. Is it marriage hunting or looking for a lover? There are also such matches, so I think it's a good idea to search for the app you're looking for.

If the encounter feels good, it's hard to leave that person, isn't it? Confused feelings can happen to everyone. That's what breakups and heartbreak are like. Through such experiences, they probably envision the future, such as not wanting to leave this person, wanting to meet them again, and wanting to live together.

If you feel that your feelings are (you definitely don't want to leave), don't think it's uncool and hold on to them. It's OK to have that kind of approach.

Let's cultivate the feeling and feeling of “liking” while having various kinds of relationships.