It's painful not being able to grow

You have so much pain and anxiety that you even think “the one who wasn't born...” I understand that the sense of hopelessness when no results came out was also great because I tried so hard to face myself many times so as not to fail.

Repeating similar mistakes and regrets is actually an activity common to many people. Some people get results quickly, while others take time to bear fruit. Humans are all different, and these are just individual characteristics, and they have nothing to do with superiority or inferiority or human values. You're still in your 20s. You can move forward as much as you want from now on, so there is absolutely no need to despise yourself or be impatient.

In Buddhism, there is a saying “lotus in the mud.” Lotus flowers bloom so clean and beautiful because of the poor environment covered with dirty mud. The mud of anguish and hesitation you are experiencing right now will eventually become an important nutrient for blooming large flowers that are unique to you.

To the question “is it worth living?”, I will clearly answer “Yes.” Rather, only those who suffer from their own weakness and are struggling and having a hard time are Amida's warm purpose of salvation.

The cause of the pain now may be “not being able to affirm yourself like that” rather than “not being able to produce results” itself. This is because regardless of whether there are results or not, you have irreplaceable value just by being there, and you are already wrapped in great mercy.

Worship
Engiji Temple Shakujo

I read your question.

From the text, it was conveyed that you continued to blame yourself and that you were feeling very painful.

The first thing I want to tell you is that when I read your sentences, I felt “you are a motivated person” and “you are serious about your work.”

The fool also worked for a company for a long time and worked with many people.

People who can't grow easily are those who don't have an awareness of the problem even if they fail, and think “I should finish it for now.”

You, on the other hand, are different.

I'm looking back on my mistakes, thinking about what to do next, and trying to make improvements.

That attitude is by no means futile.

So I think it's not “you're not progressing,” but “you're in the middle of progress.”

However, there was only one thing that bothered me.

Aren't you holding on too much at once, saying “we have to fix that too” and “we have to improve this too much.”

When people try to change a lot of things at once, they get impatient.

If you're impatient, you make mistakes in judgment, and if you fail, you blame yourself even more.

It can be repetitive.

So, let's start with just one thing.

“We'll be able to do just this today.”

Please make that decision and work carefully until you can do it.

Once you can do one, the next one.

That accumulation will eventually give you a great deal of confidence.

And please don't forget.

It's not that life isn't worth living because you've made mistakes over and over again.

People grow little by little because they are people who keep trying to get better even when they fail.

Don't be impatient.

Don't be in a hurry.

Your steps will never go to waste.

Gassho

I read it.
You've made mistakes every day, and you're having a very hard time. I don't know the details about you or your work, but I understand your feelings from the bottom of my heart.
I feel like I understand very well that you think so. I too have a life full of failures. Things didn't go the way I thought, and I made mistakes over and over again, and my anxiety didn't go away easily. Me too.
Yes, life is something that doesn't make you think things through. I think it's also important to know that.
Also, it's important to try dividing.
Since there are failures, we can grow based on them, and we can change.
Also, I feel like there are answers in your sentences.

I wrote that you are anxious, impatient, and fail.
In other words, this is a connected process.

Hypothetically, it means that if you don't get anxious, if you don't get impatient, you won't fail.

There may be times when we inevitably become anxious while we are alive. If so, even if you become anxious, if you calm down, calm down, and respond carefully one by one, your failures will naturally decrease.
It may not be possible to completely eliminate failures, but that amount will always decrease.
How about it? Let's try it out in your future life; life is something you test over and over again; experiments are something you fail over and over again before you finally succeed.

I sincerely pray that you will be able to live your future calmly and peacefully, and that you will be able to live a fulfilling life without fear of failure from the bottom of your heart. We wholeheartedly agree

You've made similar mistakes and repeated similar regrets.
That's right, it makes me feel sorry for myself, doesn't it?

They reflect on it each time and devise ways so as not to fail.
you're trying hard, aren't you? It's great to reflect on yourself.

As is the case with me, there are times when I get stuck with just my own thoughts. So, no matter how much you think about it or worry, it's just going to be negative. It's ingrained, and maybe I'm not aware of my biased thoughts (habits).

At such times, I try to consult with my friends and surroundings and get opinions from an objective point of view. You can notice what you've overlooked and what you're lacking, and you can calm down.

You say that if you weren't born, you might not have bothered others, but don't you really want to have confidence in yourself?

Don't worry about it alone; if you get stuck, please talk to us. Let's think about it together and work out improvement measures. I'm sure your power is there.