My son's hikikomori

I consulted and read it.
While reading the sentences, it was conveyed how much the mother suffered and shed tears.

Regrets such as “if I had raised them in a different way...” and “I have to blame them at that time...” will probably come rushing in over and over again. However, every parent does their best to raise their children, believing that “it will benefit this child” from time to time. I can fully convey from the sentences that you both now and back then felt that you cared about your child.

My son has a huge heart wound right now, and he's probably suffering so much that he can't get involved with anyone. That suffering is not the mother's fault alone. I think various factors, such as the temperament and personality I was born with, my school life, and my experience of setbacks, have overlapped and I'm in the current state.

And, most of all, I was concerned about my mom's words “I want to die soon.”

Please don't just give up on your own life. Even if the son rejects his mother now, the fact that the mother is gone from this world leaves immeasurable sadness in the son's heart. People's minds change. Sometimes it takes years. However, I have seen many parents and children who were able to face each other once again only because they were alive.

Right now, rather than being impatient, “Let's do something to change my son,” he says, “I'm here. Maybe it's time to continue conveying with attitude rather than words, “I'm not going to blame you.”

And don't let mom herself endure suffering alone. Please ask your mother to support her own heart while continuing to consult with the support center. If parents fall down, they won't be able to keep waiting for their son.

It's probably the days when it seems like night never dawns. Nevertheless, there is an unexpected turning point in my life.

Please choose “living” rather than “dying” for today only. The fact that the mother is alive, and that itself will one day become a place to return to for the son.

I read it.
Your son has withdrawn, and you're feeling very anxious about what to do, and you're having a very difficult time. I don't know the details about you, your son, or your family, but I understand your painful feelings from the bottom of my heart.

Maybe it's not easy for my son to accept that he didn't pass the exam because it didn't go as expected. I feel like I understand your concerns.
Maybe it's unavoidable that my son is withdrawn and can't face it, but why don't you wait and see for a while?

I think your mind and body are also very exhausted. Please take a break from your son's feelings and take care of yourself. You are a very important person. First of all, please take care of yourself and take a break.

Time may not be the solution, but let's take some time to take a good rest and take time to keep a warm eye on your son.
I think it's okay for my son to talk about his thoughts with you and people other than your family and get them to accept it. Or try telling your son about this place.
Please ask your son to consult and ask questions himself.

There are so many things that don't go well in life, but I want my son to know that there are many ways to live.

I sincerely pray that you, your son, and everyone in your family will be able to live peacefully and peacefully for the future, and that you can help each other live every day healthily while caring and respecting each other. We wholeheartedly agree

I was raised until the age of 18, so I have fully fulfilled my role as a parent.
The rest is your son's own life, so don't feel too responsible.
When a son says and acts that blame his parents, he protects himself by blaming his parents, and he is spoiled by his parents.
So let me spoil them now. For the time being, it's OK to apologize to your son on the surface. But you don't have to seriously self-deny.
In Buddhism, we believe that expectations cause trouble and suffering.
Expecting what I want my son to do becomes difficult.
I think it's good to feel like “I've grown up to this point, so the rest is my own problem when it comes to death.”
Of course, you can support them to the extent possible, but it's a life where you can only do what you can do anyway.
Even if you regret your past, it doesn't mean you can start over.
You should do what you can do now to the extent you can.
It is necessary to ask questions about specific options, such as whether to quit a vocational school, after the deadline.
I'm not saying ahshirō koshiro, but specific questions (are you going to take a bath today, if you do, please clean the bath. We're going out to eat today, shall we go together? I think I should keep replying by what time).
It's an age where families can communicate via LINE or email without leaving the room.
There are times when you can say things in letters that are difficult to talk to face, so let's continue that kind of conversation.
I think you only need to ask yourself specific questions about what you want to do or don't want to do, what you can do or can't do, and if so, when you can do it.
Don't worry about more than that (things you don't want to do or can't).

My son is struggling and trying his best to face himself.
So, as a mother, don't be weak and stay strong.

You probably have any idea about your son's rejection. I take a positive view of my son's clear feelings for you. Well said.

Parental interference sounds negative to children. I can't get my self recognized.
No matter how hard you try, you'll hit a wall. At that time, even with the intention of encouraging them, they said, “This is better. The advice “try harder” is (that's why you're no good. (Keep doing what your mother says) and it only sounds like forcing you to do what your parents say.

I think my son was in pain. I think it's getting hurt.

Mom picks me up, makes bento boxes... encouragement becomes pressure if that support doesn't meet expectations again.

Even though my son is struggling, he is probably struggling to get out of the waves of feelings.

They say they wanted you to die, and you don't know what to do, and you want to die?
If that's the case, my son must have suffered from your interference and hysterical reprimand. Every time I don't do well, I'm probably traumatized by the interference I've received from you. So I don't have confidence...

Parents' love has become excessive expectations, and has controlled the child's mental growth. Right now, being able to tell the person that I didn't like it is also an affirmation of myself. “I'm not wrong.”

Vocational school student. I'm already an adult. Let's leave it up to my son. Let's leave it up to my son to see what kind of future he will become and what kind of adult he will become.
It's not going the way my parents want it. That's because it's a child's life of choice.

I also have adult children. They are self-paced kids, and they are sometimes frustrating to watch, but I separated from children when I was around 10 years old. We don't need parents' thoughts to form an identity. My own life choices and responsibilities.

Because they are children I love, I keep quiet and watch over them.
Trust your child. Let's properly apologize to our son for everything up until now.

You, too, should do something for yourself. It's more encouraging for children to show parents who are lively and dedicated to themselves.