I'm troubled by my college son's failure due to his sweetness

Thank you for your consultation. My son works hard on his own cooking and sports while living alone at university. While growing up well, I'm sorry for the mother's trouble, who is relied upon and swayed by unexpected trouble.

It's a case where people lose their keys late at night and rely on them, but there are aspects where it can't be helped if there is no other recourse and only once. However, if it continues frequently, it is also important to encourage yourself to regulate yourself, and sometimes coldly throw it away, saying “solve it yourself.”

The same goes for “sudden carelessness of money.” Living alone as a student is expensive, and when you work hard at a part-time job and neglect essential schoolwork, it's over the horse. However, if you give money as you are told, it will only advance in the direction of developing loose habits. Pre-employment students generally have poor perceptions of the importance of money. When providing temporary assistance, it is necessary to take resolute measures, such as “clarifying the purpose,” “keeping the amount to a minimum,” and “refusing when the interval is short.”

In Buddhism, there is a teaching called “middle way (chudo).” It's a word that indicates how to avoid extremes and be in harmony with everything. The relationship between parents and children is the same, and “too pampering” and “being too strict” do not produce good results.

As far as I've heard the story, it seems that the mother is slightly biased towards “sweetness.” It is said that raising the child has taken a break, but now it is the final stage leading him to “complete independence.” Please pull back just a little bit and explore the sense of distance on the “middle road” that makes him overcome difficulties with his own strength.

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Engiji Temple Shakujo

Precisely because children still don't know what they should know or be aware of as children, it means that we will continue educating them even now.
You just can't do common sense alone.
My mother has done that until now, so indulgence and dependency have arisen, and I can't do it anymore.
So let me be honest about that; I've done all of these things and these things in terms of your life as a mother until now, so that wasn't a problem for you. But now that you're living alone, you can't do what I've done for you until now. You could say half of that is my responsibility. But from now on, it's already your life. From now on, you too will have a lover or partner, and you have to be firm with that child as your partner. So when it comes to mom and mom, and mom, I wonder what the partner's woman would think.
Do you know what they think?
that's embarrassing.
There is nothing but to encourage awareness, such as being too dependent on the mother, being lazy, or being a mom and mom for everything, that woman will walk away.
Education doesn't end when you become an adult.
That is also the reason of cause and effect, and since it is also a natural reason that they have been here until now, have supported this place, and it is also a natural reason that the person himself has weakened because of that, it is just “yes” for your home and your household, so you should improve that from now on.
Please also consider boys' pride, and if there is anything you would like them to be like as a mother, please tell them well.

When it comes to money, there are times when parents can't afford it either.
It's a black box that kids can't see.
Since he's an adult son, it's probably important to honestly communicate his parents' difficult situation.

I also read my profile. While I also feel grateful to my mother for raising me up to this point, I think my son is still a “mother” when he is in trouble.
Whether it's rebellion or trouble, I rely on my mother when it comes to confronting my own immaturity.

This makes you tired too, doesn't it?
I'm still worried about my child. Still, I'm already an adult. You want them to take responsibility for their own actions, right?

If you think it's someone who can solve it, it's because you've solved it (helped), isn't it? It's important to contact them and rely on them if you have any problems, but I also want them to learn the ability to think for themselves and overcome them.

We'll think together, but we'll solve it ourselves. Let's make them aware of that. As for the keys, if I were to stay at an internet cafe first, go pick up my keys the next day, or have them send them to me. I wonder if I'll just tell you the plan. When it comes to money, they say give up on sudden expenses because they are unavoidable.

Even if we think about it together, what we actually do is ourselves. It's about parents not taking care of everything when it comes to solving problems.

To what extent will letting go and help benefit children? It's difficult, right?
But it's impossible to help them all. So let's give your child time to think. Worry is proof above all else, so let's tell them that although they seem cold when they're in trouble, it's impossible to do anything.