Reports/Consultations → Things You Can Do for a Good Departure

Thank you so much for your kind words about my decisions and circumstances associated with my mother's support. Please forgive me just one more time.

◎ Will carrying out my relics without waiting for 49 days prevent me from being isolated from my parents' house → becoming a Buddha?
◎ If people pass away, can they be free from the constraints of the secular world?
◎ Divide the ranks between your parents' house and yourself → will you make your mother suffer?
◎ An offering of 500,000 to 600,000 yen → wouldn't it be unjust if it wasn't the maximum amount?

My grandmother and aunt respond to me being outraged when I found my mother's belongings in the trash the night before the wake
・I don't use it anymore and it's cramped
・Died because I blew in unnecessary things
・I couldn't spend time with my mom because I came back
・liar
・Paranoia
・I'm glad the relationship broke up!
After 2 days, I haven't seen them, is that okay? Phone call. Isn't the environment my mother was in DV? and I'm dizzy...

I was prepared to speak up, so based on the facts from my point of view,
・I am proud of my mother who always made the best choices
・Tarareba has no virginity and is disrespectful to my mother
・Mother's first priority = apology for not being considerate of others
・If you don't feel like blaming me, by all means
・Thank you for taking care of us up to this point

Additional follow up for my grandmother, whom my mother cherishes
・As usual+don't worry about my grandmother = my mother's desire
・My mother was there for me when I wanted to → no need to blame myself

My grandmother turned away and said, “Oh yeah”
My aunt “never talks anymore” while looking at her smartphone

I was able to convey the mourner's greetings to other relatives with the same content (without touching on discord, of course).

There is no need to support this house or my mother+aunt (single without children) in the future → I felt sorry for my mother but relieved.

I was supported by many people, and I was able to send them out at my mother's funeral.
Osho Hito-san (the person who understood my mother) gave me wonderful commandments with tears in his eyes.
I became more familiar with the family temple since I was a child, and I asked them to clean the hall next time.

I was able to spend the past 4 months almost on my own in terms of time, effort, energy, and expenses, and without getting sick while not being able to use the kitchen.

It's not mean, I think it was impossible to accompany the two of them → I can easily see my mother caring.

Still, let's take this opportunity to get rid of this house's bad habits (intimidation with attitude, run wild with emotion, don't talk about anything that's not convenient)! If I hadn't done unnecessary things like that, I wouldn't have taken away the reunion from my mother, who wishes “everyone is on good terms,” and she wouldn't have abandoned the “home to go home” that she protected her whole life.

But far from perfect, I did the best I could.
There is no choice but to conveniently come to terms with “live happily and make it the right answer”...

4 Zen Responses

Please continue to live your life with your heart set out. They'll be waiting for you at home when you get home.

Mother passed away
I would like to express my sincere condolences.

No matter how far you go, people's feelings don't change...
This is probably the limit for my grandmother's and aunt's attitude and behavior. I can only say it's a pity, but it's probably something I wasn't expecting, and I think this will blow away.

My mother went beyond this world to the Buddha's world (Pure Land of Paradise). The Buddha is taking care of the future, so there's no need to worry about anything. And from now on, the house (place) to return to is pure land. Someday we will be visiting our mother's place, so please wait for us at the “home we go home.”

Go ahead, you can mourn in your own way. Let's continue to live our lives with love and desire for our mother.
I'll join hands from here on, too.
Gassho

From now on, please put protecting your own life first

I would like to express my sincere condolences on the passing of my mother.
I sincerely respect the fact that she took care of her mother and performed her duties well as a mourner under unreasonable circumstances. While my mind and body were close to the limit, I was able to do my best really well.

As for your question, none of them are a problem at all. Sorting out relics and dividing cards 49 days ago is not an obstacle to attaining Buddhism, and they are more than enough careful when it comes to offerings. When people pass away, they are completely freed from the grievances of the secular world, so making the decision to break ties with your parents' house will never make your mother suffer.

This time, rather than Buddhist teachings, I'm going to tell you about it as a realistic “way to protect your own heart and life.”

Your grandmother's or aunt's heartless words and actions are nothing more than shifting responsibility for your own sorrow and inconvenience to you. You have no obligation to be an outlet for other people's feelings any more. There's no need to blame yourself for “abandoning the house you came back to.” Rather than being tied to a physical “home” and continuing to wear out in an unreasonable environment, building an environment where you can live healthy both mentally and physically is the best way for your mother.

Please keep a firm physical and psychological distance from your parents' house, and put protecting your own life first in the future.

“Live happily and get it right.” It's all about your determination. If you have enough honesty to want to clean your hall, you will surely be able to correct your future life with your own power. Now, please relax your mind and body, and take care of yourself the most.

Worship
Engiji Temple Shakujo

I think it's good

I read it.
Your mother passed away, and I think you did the best you could.
I sincerely pray that your mother will feel at ease. We wholeheartedly agree
You're worried about everything up until now and in the future, aren't you? Thank you for your question.

◎ Will carrying out my relics without waiting for 49 days prevent me from being isolated from my parents' house → becoming a Buddha? →It does not particularly affect the attainment of Buddhism. Please continue to hold memorial services for your mother with all your heart. There is no problem carrying out relics. Just don't be in a hurry. I think there are various reasons why you isolated yourself from your parents' house.

◎ If people pass away, can they be freed from the grievances of the secular world? When people pass away, the Buddha and gods guide them, and their ancestors welcome them. Then, they are saved from all hesitation and suffering under the Buddha and gods, and are freed from the grievances and worries of the secular world.

◎ Divide the ranks between your parents' house and yourself → will you make your mother suffer? There is no problem at all even if the tiles are divided, and I think it would be nice if they held a memorial service for the mother.

◎ An offering of 500,000 to 600,000 yen → wouldn't it be unjust if it wasn't the maximum amount? I think it would be nice if you paid the offering in good faith to the extent possible.

There are various troubles and quarrels in our lives in this world, and we are also caught up in troublesome things.

If you did your job as a mother with all your heart, I think your feelings would have come to an end.

From now on, please live the life you want.

I sincerely pray to the Buddha, God, ancestors, and mother that you will continue to cherish your relationships with your ancestors and mother, and that you can live every day peacefully and healthily while being gently watched over by your ancestors and mother. We wholeheartedly agree

◎ Will carrying out my relics without waiting for 49 days prevent me from being isolated from my parents' house → becoming a Buddha?

Not a hindrance

◎ If people pass away, can they be free from the constraints of the secular world?

Buddhism teaches that people become Buddhas.

◎ Divide the ranks between your parents' house and yourself → will you make your mother suffer?

It's not my mother's problem so it's fine

◎ An offering of 500,000 to 600,000 yen → wouldn't it be unjust if it wasn't the maximum amount?

My house didn't get that much
suffices

Thank you for all your hard work.

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