How to deal with a mind that has become distorted during the growth process

By asking questions here, we often come to a solution, and I'm thankful for that. We look forward to working with you again.

In my previous question, I discussed that although I'm happy now, it becomes difficult when I think back to my old parents.
In connection with that, there are things that were not obtained during the growth process and things that became distorted, and it is now difficult to live a daily life.
Since I was young, I couldn't rely on anyone, so I managed to acquire minimal social skills on my own. I've made friends now. But after all, basically, I'm not good at people, and the feeling that I'm not good at society is ingrained at the root of me. Also, they make a fool of people in their hearts, and they want to win.

My parents called others stupid and said every day that they were smart. It seemed like my parents were happy to think that they were winning by making a fool of people, and it was just that kind of conversation. I have always placed emphasis on winning over others and enjoying a sense of superiority, and I have forced children to think that too.
I grew up receiving messages from my mother that my personality was denied, yet I had to be superior to other children. Also, since I was a child, I've been made to tune in to conversations that make others stupid.
I didn't notice that my parents were wrong early on, I didn't question my parents' thoughts, and I lived until a certain period in line with their thoughts. When I think about it now, I feel like I've been brainwashed by something like a religion with a unique idea. When I was born there, it became commonplace.
Although I have now escaped from those thoughts, it is still ingrained in the back of my heart, and the feeling that I want to win against people often immediately appears.
But on the other hand, I don't want to think about that, so I want to quit, and I'm tired of thinking about winning or losing.
I joined a club because I wanted to enjoy playing musical instruments with people, but after all, my desire to win against others automatically became stronger, but it became tough when I wanted to quit thinking that.

Even if I try to live my life as I am now, it is based on what I learned during the personality development process, so I'm having trouble with the difficulty of changing it all at once.
How do I perceive ingrained and erratic things, and how should I deal with them?
I'm so sorry for the poor question at such a good age.
I've been thinking that parents shouldn't be blamed for anything, but I feel that parents have a big influence on this matter.

4 Zen Responses

That irregular shape is good 🥔

In order to seek stability, people sometimes make it a habit to use methods that are not appropriate.
A girl fell inadvertently while playing with everyone.
It seems that the girl said this to the ○◯-chan who was right next to her.
💀 “I wish ◯◯-chan had fallen... 🔥” (Honkawa series)
Humans are taught by whom, and even if they haven't been taught, when they feel uncool in competition, superiority, and comparison with others, they don't want to acknowledge it, and even though they fell, they say horrible things like 👹.
That's true even when you become an adult.
There are tons of stories that depict such rivalries, knockouts, and battles for superiority and inferiority.
For some reason, when I switch channels for Korean and Chinese dramas that are screened every day in Saitama, they usually always fight with the royal family, disparage their opponents with lies, and just revenge. wow. I haven't seen them recently in Japan, but the daytime drama, which depicts the murminess of the human world, used to be aired in a form that relieved housewives' resentment and dissatisfaction. wow. 🔥
That kind of thing, and educationally, if it's just that kind of thing, that kind of thing affects the thoughts of the people who watched it.
It's a series about parent-child conversations, stories created by people, common things in the world, and things that are common in the world, and things that are true of life, about winning and losing, fighting for superiority and inferiority, and life. ※Honkowawa... short for scary story that really happened 💀👹🔥
In other words, it's just a cute mentality where people sometimes say bad things about people because they want to live in a safe zone or psychologically safe zone in order to win against people.

There is an expression that potatoes also have an irregular shape, but if you take a close look, you can feel that they are actually unique and unique, and that they probably had various hardships.
How is it true that people say that you are messy...
My own life is also a form of working hard, trying to live without getting hurt, and trying to live well so as not to lose or be kicked down in this tough world, so please call me an error.
It is said that tomatoes bear more fruit when there are no natural enemies.
By all means, please create a comfortable environment where you can't compare yourself to others in your future life. Everyone in life just does their own thing. 🍅

Maybe it's painful because I feel like that competitive spirit isn't my true intention

I strongly agree with your concerns.
Actually, I always thought that way when I was young.

I want to beat people. I don't want to lose. I want to seem like even a little bit is good,
I want to have an advantage over others.
Before I knew it, I was in competitive mode.
Even though my opponent doesn't think about anything, it seems like the game is selfish. etc etc

After that, don't feel like this. I also often felt self-loathing.
Well, people, big and small, think the same thing.

However, the feeling of “I want to compare others and win”
In order to live, it is always necessary, and it is the heart. So, you don't have to hate yourself.

Since the environment humans are placed in until the age of 20 has a big impact on the formation of human nature,
I think the influence my parents have had is unavoidable.
Maybe the parents themselves were balancing their minds with the feeling that they would win over others.

What is causing pain to your heart is not the feeling of competing,
There are times when values instilled by parents still automatically come out against one's own will
Maybe it's because I feel the arrogance my parents used to be.

Having a competitive spirit isn't a bad thing,
Making a fool of people and looking down on them is something people shouldn't do
Even though I know that sensitively,
The arrogance and pride I felt from my parents when that competitive spirit came out
Maybe they're feeling it.

When it comes to that, even if you still have a competitive spirit,
Acknowledging the other person's power, respecting the other person, and valuing the other person's presence
Also, if you are superior, if you can care for and praise your opponent,
I think you'll have a great personality.

If that happens, I think your competitive spirit will be the driving force for refining you.

Rather than self-loathing over hidden arrogance or pride,
By humbly praising and acknowledging your partner, you may be able to break the spell from your parents' illusion.

While living in the future

I read it.
I read it and I feel like I understand your feelings very much. As you said, I think there are things you can't get out of that are not based on preconceptions that have been said since childhood. You're aware of that yourself, aren't you? I understand your painful feelings from the bottom of my heart.
Well, I think the fact that your parents had thoughts, actions, and attitudes that put people down from an early age had a huge impact on you. It may be quite difficult to get away from there.
Nonetheless, I think you already know that such an exclusive way of thinking is a problem, and that it is malicious and abusive. On the other hand, it will be possible to take such misdeeds of parents as teachers and correctly recognize them from now on, and I think we will be able to live properly while respecting people from now on.
It may not be easy to switch everything right now, but you'll be able to keep in touch with people while keeping in mind every day.

I sincerely pray that you will be able to sincerely respect the future with the people around you, be considerate of each other, and live a healthy life every day while helping and sharing with everyone.
And I wholeheartedly support you. We wholeheartedly agree

Please try resetting each time in Anzu-san ^_^

Anzu-san, I would also like to consult with you.

There is a saying that the thoughts and habits associated with living with parents whose values are entrenched become disgusting.

I feel that more than a few people have a heart that assigns superiority or inferiority to others and wants to win.

It is said that you shouldn't compare them, but they are creatures that compare.

But it seems like Anzu-san's parents were more imprinted on Anzu-san from an early age than necessary.

There are a certain number of people who feel safe when they disdain people.

Only by doing so can we create a safe zone of mind.

But because of that, I also feel like it's better as a first aid measure than just worrying about it.

However, you shouldn't force them to do this kind of thing, right?

There are a certain number of parents who experienced the cruelty of the world hierarchy after struggling in their childhood. There are people who have taken the place of prescriptions.

One more thing, if you can get out of there, it would be easy, but I think there are a lot of people around there that are in a loop they can't break out of.

Moreover, there are people who have no subjective symptoms that cannot be solved even though others are good.

I really can't get an education at an early age.

But we still have to live.

I don't think it's possible to change it all at once.

I think you've already recognized it,

People live by their own values, and it means that they are not people that others evaluate in the first place.

It means that harmony is created by respecting the other person and understanding each other's differences from the core.

It's simple, but if you don't understand this easily, you'll get confused with the desire for self-expression.

I think I have no choice but to keep in mind that I can reset it on a regular basis.

When a habit of heart suddenly comes up, don't despise yourself,

“People have all kinds of flowers”

Please change the color of your heart and try paying for it.

I'm sure it will get better.

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