It's likely to end up in a relationship with a relative

I'm discussing the deterioration of the relationship between me and my younger brother and his wife.
About 25 years ago, my younger brother and his wife gave their mother a branded bag as a souvenir on their honeymoon. Below is a list of what happened in bullet points.
① In the past 10 years or so, the inside of the bag that was put in the chest without use became sticky and deteriorated.
② My mother said, “Is it fake to be in this state?” They asked me, so I told them that it's not a fake and that it will deteriorate if you don't use it.
③ Then, 5 years later, when my mother was throwing away my photos and kimonos at the end of her life, she told me that if I were to throw away my bag, I would like it.
④ I got it and sold it on Mercari 1 year later
(I'm in trouble with money)
⑤ One month after it was sold, my brother and his wife contacted my mother to hand over the bag because they wanted their daughters to use it
⑥ My younger brother and his wife are furious when they learn that I have sold it
⑦ I contacted them to apologize, but now they say they don't even want to answer the phone, and 1 year has passed.

It's my fault that I sold it, so I said I'd like to apologize someday, but it's really scary.
Until then, my family and my younger brother and his wife's family had a great time playing together.

The mother said that the value of the bag was increasing, so it seems that the younger brother and his wife called to hand it over.
Mothers and relatives' uncles and aunts
It's strange to say that you gave it back even though you gave it once. I'm saying you don't have to apologize.
My younger brother and his wife are memorable honeymoon gifts, so this isn't an ordinary present. I don't want to be told to buy the same thing and return it! I'm furious.

It's all my fault, but I can't fix it
Future with my younger brother and his wife, ceremonial occasions, etc.
How should we respond
I've only had nightmares because I don't understand.
I was able to return it a month before I sold it, and it made me cry because of the bad relationship between myself, even though I was able to return it without any problems.

Thank you very much for your support.

4 Zen Responses

If you sold what you got yesterday today, you'll get angry, but since you recently sold what you received 25 years ago, I don't think there's anything wrong with that. I'm a relative, so I think it's okay to say “I sold it recently, I'm sorry,” but I don't think it's necessary to buy it back. We may meet at ceremonial occasions, but since we're both adults, I think it's a good idea to treat them in a social manner even if they don't get along well.

The younger brother and his wife's demands are out of reason

It is said that they are so worried that they are haunted by nightmares, and I presume that they are having a hard day.

First of all, in conclusion, there is absolutely nothing wrong with the consultant. The current owner is free to decide how to dispose of the item officially handed over from the mother. There is no reason to be blamed for selling due to circumstances.

Rather, it is out of reason that the younger brother and his wife ask for the return of the item they gave 25 years ago “because the value has increased.” While using “memorabilia” as a shield, it must be said that it is actually a state where they are intoxicated by financial greed and the assumption that “we are the victims and right.” Buddhism explains that we are all ordinary men (bonbu) who are swayed by feelings of greed and anger. My younger brother and his wife are also caught up in the affliction of a strong obsession.

There is no need to blame yourself for “everything I am to blame” or force an apology. This is because when you apologize, your opponent's obsession or fist you've swung up will not subside.
We recommend that you approach future relationships such as ceremonial occasions with the following attitude.

① Leave it up to the other person's will
If the other person shows an attitude of wanting to break the relationship, keeping a distance without forcibly chasing them is one form of relationship.

② Make every effort to respond in a ceremonial manner
By all means, when meeting face to face, keep only minimal greetings as relatives.

③ Let go of remorse
It is also said that “siblings are the beginning of others.” You don't need to be obsessed with repairing relationships until you've worn your own heart out.

Please do not get caught up in the worries of others and try to restore your own peace of mind first.

Worship
Engiji Temple Shakujo

I think it's important to sincerely apologize

I read it.
I can tell you that you are in great trouble. I don't know the details or everyone's feelings, but I understand your painful feelings.

I feel like I can understand that the younger brothers get emotional that even if they took it from their mother, they still sold it. If you were in the opposite position, you would be disappointed, and you might get angry.

After all, isn't it very important to sincerely apologize to your younger brother and his wife? It will probably be difficult to meet them, so let's send a letter of apology to the younger brothers in good faith.
Even so, I don't think anger will subside right away, but I think it's very important to do your best.
I sincerely pray that your sincere apology will reach your younger brothers. We wholeheartedly agree

The trouble occurred because each of them couldn't cherish the other person's feelings.

That's a problem, isn't it? As far as I hear about the trouble, I feel that everyone in the family is wasting their partner's favor. In other words, my feelings haven't arrived.

First of all, gifts are difficult, aren't they?
It was my honeymoon and it was a special present for my mom...
My mom didn't even feel like using it. It's been a fertilizer for a chest of drawers for 10 years. That's why I wasn't able to accept the feelings of my younger brother and his wife. Well, no matter how many brands they are, they have their own preferences. The fact that it couldn't be used is unavoidable, isn't it?

Then, the owner's mom gave it to you. Therefore, I don't think I need the approval of my younger brother and his wife. But you didn't even use it, you sold it. It means I made money by exchanging gifts from my younger brother and his wife for money.

That makes a really bad impression.
Whose rights are things? I don't need the approval of my younger brother and his wife. That may certainly be the case, but it is true that they are “people who received gifts from their mother and sold them for money,” and they were probably discouraged and disappointed. That's why I got angry.

Asking to return what was given now may be unfortunate, but it is a memory for my younger brother and his wife, and the vintage that my mother would have used has a special flavor, so I think I wanted to cherish it for 3 generations by handing it over to my daughter. Honeymoon gifts would have been expensive for young people to buy. Even so, it's easy to imagine that I bought it out of gratitude to my mother.

Right now, the younger brother and his wife haven't asked you or your mother about the circumstances, and their anger doesn't seem to subside.
If it was a relationship where you were in a close relationship, “My mom gave it to me. If I had called out to my younger brother, “I'll use it with care, too,” it might have been polite. That's because you're using it without selling it, and when your brother noticed it, you probably didn't feel good about it, even though you should have given it to your mother.

Both your mother and your younger brother, who can't take care of things, and your younger brother, who doesn't listen to the situation, are probably trouble caused by each of them not being able to cherish the other person's feelings.

No matter what I say now, it becomes an excuse. Also, let's show our sincerity by properly apologizing at an opportunity where we can have a calm conversation. That's the best, and that's all.

It's fine. Someday, I think they'll understand.

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