I hate myself for not being able to do anything

Hello. You can write whatever you want to spit out here, whether it's a complaint, a confession, or an oath. However, the novel probably doesn't have enough characters, so please refrain.
From my point of view in my 50s, I'm really young in my 30s. You can do anything.
I want them to take a step outside.
Job hunting, part-time work, temple puja, zazen, nembutsu, walking, jogging, obtaining qualifications, hobbies, or anything else is fine, so I think it's better for your mental and physical health to increase your opportunities to go outside.
Games, the internet, and life all cost money, so I want to earn about my own living expenses.
I think it's important to put aside your educational background, age, and pride, and live your life while treating others humbly and carefully as a person who is motivated to do anything.
There is a saying, I forgive myself, but the bad one is a powerful harasser, so there's nothing wrong with you.
It doesn't matter what the meaning of life is. Whether you want to return the favor to your parents, find a girlfriend, or live your life alone while enjoying your hobbies, it doesn't matter from time to time. That's because I haven't decided on the meaning of life either.
Even so, time passes quickly when playing games and surfing the internet, so let's set a time and play. (I also reflect on it every day)

Uyama has managed to survive this long journey. Also, my heart trembles at the courage to meet this Hasunoha and honestly confide in my painful heart.

First, what I want you to value is to distinguish between facts and feelings. Depression due to power harassment, the fact that job offers didn't last, that employment support didn't last long, and that they were rejected even if they brought in creative works — these are all “facts.”
Also, the judgment that “I just became a troublesome adult” is Uyama's own emotion. Let's keep facts and feelings separate. If you think about “not being able to do anything” and “not being able to even find the meaning of being alive,” the energy to live naturally withers.

Buddhism has taught “I want to do what I want, but I don't get what I want” as “an ordinary man with worries.” Having a self that I want to change and a self that I don't want to change (I want to stay the way I am) at the same time is not a weakness, but rather the form of a human being. It is a Buddha called Amida Nyorai who encourages me to “never abandon me,” even though I still have that contradiction. Having lived for 55 years with childhood paralysis, I received the power to live through the presence and work of the Buddha, and I was able to stand up many times.

Furthermore, I am engaged in activities to support individuals with developmental disabilities and their families. Developmental disabilities do not end when a diagnosis is made, and follow-up after that is very important. This is because diagnosis results are basic data that can visualize where the person himself can devise ideas and what kind of rational considerations can be made at school or at work. Once again, try reading the medical certificate carefully. If it's hard to understand, revisit the hospital where you made the diagnosis and ask specific questions about reasonable accommodations in your daily life and at work. Also, depending on the difficulties you face, I think there are welfare services you can receive. Also, I recommend asking.

You're actually not alone. All the hasunoha monks are also in your support team. Gassho

Uyama has completed her graduate studies at a national university, right?

Novels such as 📕 have also been created and brought in.

Brilliant, isn't it?

The environment during my graduate school days was probably so jealous and jealous that I was harassed by power.

Depression from there.

The world is hard for gifted people.

There is also jealousy.

In today's world, talented people must also fight.

One thing, when I'm transferred to a hospital, I'm worried about talking with my mother.

I recommend that you decide for yourself from now on.

Since then, in this day and age, there are many people with developmental disabilities.

It's no wonder that I'm relieved to be diagnosed, and that I feel at ease and worried in that place.

They play games and the internet all the time, and Uyama-san isn't the only one, so what's wrong with devouring it?

It's my fault. We have to change.

No, love yourself just the way you are.

It's not bad at all.

However, my brain and body are waiting for Uyama's instructions.

Uyama, there are still not enough failures. It is important to fail even more and experience frustration, happiness, and sadness.

In this day and age, even if you can't fit into the world, there are many ways you can do it.

If anything, everyone is stuck.
It's just a matter of whether they profess or not.

As for the future, once an idea comes up, even if you just think about how you can implement it, it's the beginning of work.

If it's a monster that's just bothersome, then that kind of person can move the world.

You should proceed one by one.

Also, I worried too much about people's eyesight.

My rival is myself.

Third parties have nothing to do with your life.

It's a mob. Even for parents.

You are the protagonist.

You should get more muddy and do what you want.
Let's make the lotus flower bloom.

It doesn't have to be flashy; it's small; let's make your own flowers bloom well.

A backpacker trip around the world is fine,

You can write your daily thoughts on the internet,

You can start with an at-home assistant in a field of expertise,

There are people who buy your brain 🧠.

It's just that we haven't met.

If you want to meet someone, you have to broadcast it.

You don't even need to show up now, do you?

There's no risk.

There should be a pen name.

You can use that one.

By the way, please guide the brain 🧠 that was given from heaven properly.

I will support you.

I read it.
I read your thoughts. It really conveys that you have suffered in various ways until now, and that you still have painful feelings without taking a step forward. I don't know the details about you or the people around you, but I really understand your painful feelings.

If you don't mind, please feel free to share your thoughts here. Please talk carefully about what you have in your heart, what you cannot step forward even if you think about it, and what you are suffering from not being able to become anything.

I don't know everything about you, but I think you can share with us little by little while spitting out what's inside your heart.
Or I think you can receive sympathy from people who read your thoughts and share them.

Here you will be able to connect with us and many others while sharing your thoughts. You're never alone. Here, too, your thoughts reach out to many people.

Also, if you don't mind, I think it's okay for individual consultations. There are many monks here at Hasunoha who receive individual online consultations. I think it would be a good idea to take your time and talk to the monks about your thoughts.
Also, let's clear up the inside of your mind little by little.

We look forward to welcoming you.

Also, I sincerely pray to the Buddha, God, and your ancestors so that you can share your thoughts with us and live every day richly and peacefully from the bottom of your heart. We wholeheartedly agree