The Affair on My Husband's Heart

A couple in their 30s have a 3-year-old child.
My husband keeps in touch with his former female colleague every day. My partner is the same age and single.

There was a time when my husband suddenly became strong against me and my kids, and I thought it was strange and ended up looking at my smartphone. Then, only conversations with this person were set to have a key.
I was so upset that I immediately questioned my husband. Then
・A confession was made before the other party retired
・Until now, I've tried not to be aware of it, but now that I've been confessed, I don't understand what I think of the other person
・I cannot look at my wife (me) as a woman in the same way as before delivery
I was told. After that, they discussed it and decided to start over as a couple, but my husband got into fights with me while on assignment alone, and they thought about death when they were worried about work. I was told that since I was grateful to be consulted at that time, I couldn't completely break off the relationship, that I wanted to return the favor when the other person was in trouble, and that I wanted them to forgive me for that.
My husband was assigned alone for about a year since I had given birth. We are living together now. While I was away, I couldn't afford to care for my husband because I couldn't afford to raise children, so I forgave them that time on the condition that they didn't communicate in a way that I couldn't show them, and that they didn't hide or erase them.

Since then, we've been communicating every day from good morning to good night for over half a year. The content, from my point of view, is when we both liked each other and had the most fun before we started dating, but it feels like there are no clear words like like like that. It seems that they didn't want their partner to feel the sign of their family, and when they played with their kids and got a late reply, they lied that they were sleeping, and acted as if they were working during a family trip. Also, I lied to my partner that I was seriously ill. Sometimes the content is racy, so I hide it or delete the chat. Even if we try to discuss it, they say that family is important, but if I can't stand it, I have no choice but to get divorced, and it's hard for me too.
My partner and husband aren't close enough to meet, and so far they're really just continuing to have flirty conversations every day.

Am I thinking too much because I'm worried and suffering from this situation? The current situation is difficult, but my head is in a mess with anxiety about life after divorce. I'm just worried, and other than that, we spend our time as a family normally.
From an objective point of view, what would my problem look like?

3 Zen Responses

As we explore and check things, rather than reassuring, the number of hidden things will increase

Your husband doesn't have any consideration for you, and he's opening up again, isn't he? Even though there's no infidelity, it's not something I feel good about as a wife, does it?

It is said that only chats are set to be locked, so why do we know that? Are you also checking your husband's smartphone?

As we explore and check with each other, the number of hidden things will increase rather than peace of mind.

My husband's statement doesn't make sense either. Being thankful to have a woman who is a former colleague listen to her concerns, and receiving a love interest are two different issues. what are you saying? That's the story, isn't it? It would be nice if you were so proud to be declared your love affair and get angry too.

If you say “don't let the other person feel the sign of family,” doesn't that mean that the other party doesn't know that they have a wife or child? If that is the case, it would be unfortunate for the other party.

Isn't it okay to let them know somewhere? “My wife, I know what you're doing.” If it's a smart opponent, they'll walk away from there.

If I were spending my time as a family normally now, there would be no waves and wind, and I would watch how my husband is doing. You'd better keep the evidence in this case. May you work to your advantage in case of emergency. And let them promise not to make their families unhappy. The household budget is also something you manage, right?

Please stay calm and face it firmly

I read it.
I think it's natural for you to be bothered like that. I don't know the details about you, your husband, or that person, but I can tell you that you are very worried. I understand your feelings from the bottom of my heart.
Your husband probably said it was because you were supported during your pregnancy. I think it's okay to say thank you very much for that as a feeling of gratitude. It would be dishonest for both you and your child if you end up having an affair with that person.
After all, let's calm down, face your husband firmly, and let's talk about it.
I'm just immersed in temporary romantic feelings with my husband and that person. I don't think I have a firm idea about my future life.
Please try telling your husband to calm down and calm down and think about it.
I don't think we'll get an answer right now. Please both you and your husband face the future with your child carefully and carefully consider it.
Your child is about to grow up, right?

I sincerely pray that you and your husband will calm down and face the future, and that you will be able to take good care of your children, and that you can live every day with peace of mind while helping each other. And I wholeheartedly support you all. We wholeheartedly agree

It's bearable. Take care of your whole husband and give it to me

Sumire, I would also like to discuss it with you.

There was an affair with my husband.

Regardless of whether they are men or women, it is also possible to talk to their marriage partner when they are about to break down in a marriage,

There are situations where you can't even discuss everything with your spouse.

Exactly, my wife isn't in that kind of situation after delivery, is she?

You must protect your life and your child's life.

But alas, men don't get that much of a defensive instinct to think in the womb.

I also have a husband who feels like he's been left behind.

At times like that, when you ask a third party to listen to it, there are people who get upset and clear.

They were probably trying to resolve their stress spit out outside.

But my physical condition gradually calms down,
 Also, it's about showing plenty of time for your husband to talk to you.

There's nothing good about looking at cell phones, etc.

As long as it's not a quagmire, you can sit and smile with Doshin.

If I were Sumire, I would be grateful to that woman for managing my husband's mentality.

While my husband is at home, I concentrate on caring for my husband's heart, which I couldn't take care of after delivery.

Try not to look at your cell phone too often.

Also, take screenshots of cell phone exchanges and keep them as evidence in the unlikely event of an emergency.

This is to claim alimony when the other party steps in.

If you get this far, your anxiety will melt away a little bit, right?

 Then, men are the ones to cheat.
If there is a woman who can be spoiled, don't hesitate, and I will shake my mind.

It's not just my husband.

It's about how the wife pulls the reins.

Please don't worry, calm down, and show your husband some leeway too.

When I spent a while smiling and feeling like nothing had happened, my husband's feelings

There are times when the speed and concentration on the opponent changes. (including when it fades)

While observing it closely,
Let's move forward slowly.

Just smile so as not to destroy your home. Don't touch on women.

Why don't you give it to me after massaging my shoulders?

There are quite a few husbands who can't see themselves as women when they give birth.

However, there are relationships and relationships that change from femininity (greed) to healing.

Married couples overcome such various things and become deeper.

Please don't be afraid, have love, and try to take care of your husband as a whole.

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