I can only express myself by being “frustrated”

I can only express my feelings by being “frustrated.” There's no end to the reasons for my frustration, and my head is always full.
I'm nervous, so I get really frustrated when even trivial things don't go the way I want, and whether it's tomorrow or the day after tomorrow, it drags on forever.
There are often days when things don't go well no matter what I do, but I'm always so frustrated with myself that I don't even want to look at myself in the mirror. Even at work, there are times when I can't do well even though it's something I'm good at or simple, and there are times when I can't communicate well with people at work, such as my boss, and every time I do that, I feel depressed thinking that I'm incompetent or worthless.
There are also exams I have to take for my future dreams, but this is my first challenge, and I'm very uneasy because there are only difficult questions.
I'm so frustrated with myself for not being able to do it.
Recently, I tend to say tough things to my family. In particular, I don't originally get along well with my father, so I fight every day. My father acts impulsively without thinking about the circumstances around him when he has something he wants to do, and since he is really bad at understanding people's feelings and thoughts, he immediately thinks that everyone who takes care of himself is an enemy. That's why they can't apologize, and when they get mad at me or my mom, they make up excuses and lock themselves in their room. It makes me angry over and over again for the same thing, so I just go on a rant.
I've had a lot of trauma, so when I flash back, I can't think about anything, and my consciousness jumps through.
No matter what you look at, it's uninteresting and uncomfortable, and the world looks black and white. Even when I try to do something fun, a sense of emptiness and guilt always comes rushing in after that, and it becomes painful.
I haven't been able to rest even for a moment due to regrets about the past and anxiety about the future. I can't sleep easily at night because of anxiety that tomorrow will come when I sleep. When I try to sleep, irritability keeps popping up in my mind, like in an associative game, and I can't sleep any more. It's hard to wake up every morning, and it makes me feel empty and heavy.
It's boring to repeat the same thing every day. Even though the people around me are looking forward, I feel like I am the only one left behind in my painful past.

4 Zen Responses

To live in grace

I read it.
I read that you spend a very difficult day while being frustrated every day. I don't know the details about you or your surroundings, but it really conveys that you are so frustrated and worried. I understand your feelings from the bottom of my heart.
Before, too, I was always frustrated and lived every day. So I was frustrated and scattered when everything didn't work out. When I think about myself now, I think I was very unhappy, and I think I was spreading misfortune to the people around me. That's because where I was, I was hurting people around me. When that happens, people naturally walk away. It's something that makes you feel extra lonely and things don't go well.
Things don't work so well when you're alive. In other words, what works well is not because of my own strength, but because I am supported and helped by the people and many things around me.
If you don't notice that, you lose what's really important in life.

I think you're losing something very important because you're frustrated right now. Dad probably got frustrated like that until now, hurt a lot of people, and lost important things.

It's another story, but in the rural area where I live, when I go outside for a while, there are rich golden ears of rice growing in the rice paddies. Farmers worked hard to grow them by pouring salt on them, and they grew beautifully with plenty of sunlight and fresh water. While receiving such blessings, we are kept alive every day.
While receiving many blessings every day, we are kept alive in many relationships. You can live your life gently protected by Buddha, gods, and ancestors.
How would the rich, golden ears of rice look at you, and how would the Buddha, gods, and ancestors view you and everyone.

I sincerely pray to the Buddha, God, and your ancestors so that you can live every day with a rich heart and health away from such frustration, and that you can live a healthy life while feeling various blessings.
And I wholeheartedly support you and everyone. We wholeheartedly agree

To a cozy place where you can feel comfortable

I have seen your consultations up until now, Mr. Kagami.

You've been fighting over a lot of things for years, haven't you?

It must have been a pain.

As you feel, the world is hard to live in.

However, on a regular basis, you are carefully analyzing yourself in this way.

Past events have also been properly analyzed, and roots from parents have also been thoroughly analyzed.

Even if it doesn't rise to a place like something like happiness or a bright future,

What is it, isn't it okay to spend time in a place that you are satisfied with, a place where you feel comfortable?

Is frustration with oneself a hope for oneself that it should be like this?

If frustration with others is painful, how about eradicating it as much as possible?

If you are casually in the place where your own mind will calm down the most,

Maybe it will heal your wounds a little bit.

Also, there are other frustrated people purring around.

You're definitely not alone, so don't worry about that.

Let's overcome it while searching for medical approaches and ways to relieve stress

When things don't go well, it's frustrating, isn't it? It's something everyone can experience. However, if you hit someone, the relationship will deteriorate, and if you remain disturbed, you won't be able to concentrate.

Let's find a way to relieve stress for you.
My solution is to get rid of irritability by moving my body, such as standing up, leaving the place, driving, drinking something, stretching, etc., in order to change my mood.

In your case, it would drag on for a long time, right? And then you hit someone close to you. It's painful... you really don't want to do that. That's why I want to change myself like that.

If it affects your life, you also need a medical examination. Maybe it has your characteristics. If that is the case, I think a medical approach would have an improvement effect.

At Hasunoha, you can always listen to your concerns and respond in this way, so spitting out your frustration here may ease your feelings.

Let's try to find a solution that suits you by using various methods.
We've always been connected in Hasunoha so you don't get left behind.

Relationship with the body

I think physical factors can also be considered as causes of irritability, such as lack of nutrients used as ingredients for serotonin and lack of sunbathing.
In Buddhism, since the time of Buddha, there have been ascetic practices such as meditation using the body and mind in addition to seeing and listening to teachings.
For example, if you're frustrated because of your boss but they say, “That's iron deficiency,” you might feel like you're being ridiculed.
However, in reality, due to such physical disorders, there are cases where the brain and nerves are poor physical or mental health problems.
Also, conversely, there are cases where people get sick from mental stress to physical illness.
So, I would appreciate it if you could review your nutritional balance and lifestyle, and consider physical approaches such as meditation, mindfulness, walking, and jogging.

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