My mother is asking me to repay my education expenses

I paid back my scholarship.
If parents can't afford it financially, I think it's normal for students to repay university fees themselves.
If I were to get a job as a ronin for 1 year, that alone would be a loss of about 3 million yen.
If I had failed the university entrance exam and gone bad, I would have lost an additional 3 million yen.
If you think so, a repayment of about 3 million yen to 5 million yen is not an impossible amount if you work as a full-time employee.
Money isn't the only thing you get from your parents.
Brainpower, physical strength, looks, cultural customs (customs), etc. are also assets received from parents.
Even if they are rich, there are children who don't have the brain to go to college.
Compared to that, you might be in the well-off category.
Well, if you're borrowing it in your parent's name, there's probably no legal obligation to return it. So even if a parent dies while leaving debts, if inheritance is abandoned, there is no need to inherit debts.
I think I should discuss it with my sister and make a decision.
I don't know how it became a mother and child family, but since the poverty rate of single-parent families is high in Japan, they should receive child support from their father, but what is the reason they didn't get it?
Is it really your mom that's to blame?
I think it's okay to think about it in such a multifaceted way.

The fact that you've been able to express your gratitude to your mother until now was a very admirable act. Despite that, it is quite natural to feel confused and sad when you are suddenly told to “pay back your debts.”

In Buddhism, there is a word for “grace ().” This isn't just about lending and borrowing; it's about becoming aware of the countless supports behind you being kept alive. There must have been some hardships in the background of your mother sending you to college alone. Although it is natural for parents to raise their children, the fact that they were able to go on to college is probably the result of the mother's deep love and unreasonable ability.

On the other hand, I feel that anxiety about old age and the “pain (suffering)” of life are hidden behind my mother's strong words “it is my duty to return it.” They're definitely not looking at you as a pickaxe, and maybe it's SOS where you're about to be crushed by luggage you can't carry.

There's no legal obligation to pay, and you don't have to take the full amount. However, why don't you try being close to your mother's anxiety with a sense of “mercy (jihi)” in Buddhism? Instead of saying “I didn't know, so I won't pay,” try discussing support within a reasonable range, saying, “My gratitude for raising me hasn't changed, but this is all I can do now.” I think that will calm each other's hearts and lead to “returning the favor” in the true sense of the word.

worship
Engiji Temple Shakujo Law

I didn't know they had education loans.
That's right ~ it would be sad if they told me to return it now. I haven't heard that story! I think so.

There is no obligation to educate children until college or to return the favor to parents. Therefore, when it comes to whether such promises must be kept, there was no such thing, and the mother probably decided without permission.

However, why did your mother start saying such things?
Life, financial anxiety, illness, old age... I think there is something attacking my mother. I wonder if it's not just education loans, are there other debts...

I think your mom also had a slightly different way of saying it than telling you to give it back. After getting a job, it may be necessary to tell the family so that they can keep track of things such as wanting them to stay in the house even a little bit every month or how much household wealth they have.

You, too, have a future designed for independence. Maybe that's why it's an opportunity to properly discuss our thoughts. While thanking your parents, let's also tell them about your position.

In a mother and child family, the mother worked and sent her two daughters to college, didn't she?

Your mother is probably having a hard time right now.

Right now, cash is probably more necessary than traveling, eating out, or expensive gifts.

To Sokawaka-san, who has become a splendid adult
Maybe they've been spoiled mentally and have gone home as children.

There is no obligation to return education expenses, but the mother may not be able to pay the repayment well.
I think my life is being pressured.

There is also a problem with my mother's way of speaking,
You probably can't afford it right now.

It's become a vicious cycle.

When they say, “It's fidgety, it's hard to say, but it's hard for me to pay right now, and I want you to help me pay a little bit,” Sowaka-san too

“Eh, mom, what happened? are you alright? How much is left? ' Wouldn't that be the case?

There are also people who don't talk about education loans to children.

I've been working really hard, and now it's probably just now that I've broken the strings of my heart.

Then, by returning to being a child a little bit,

Why is it that I'm still the only one struggling, and my daughters are living so comfortably?

and. There are also people like that.

From now on, as before, while continuing to thank my mother,

Why don't you give a little bit of support, both mentally and physically, to a mother who is in trouble because she can't see ahead?

Right now, at this timing when parents and children are reversed,

How about if you take the stance of protecting your mother?


I don't think there is an obligation to fully repay education expenses,

Borrowing and borrowing between parents and children is something that makes people uneasy.

However, when the life of the lender becomes tight, they become obsessed with the amount of money, and it doesn't matter what circumstances it is, whether it is the amount for children, etc., and they concentrate only on repayment,

There are also people who turn to hate the person they paid for.

Some even went to trial.

While the mother's heart isn't like that, I think we should set up an opportunity to talk with the family first, and then think about what we should do in the future.

If I could repair it to the extent that it's reasonable and turn my mother's anxiety into gratitude

At that time, I think Sowaka-san was growing up to be an unkempt person.

There is also a possibility that there will come a time when the mother will help you take care of your children in the future.

We stand by each other when we're in trouble.

But I hope it somehow calms down to a reasonable extent.

If you have any problems again, please contact Hasunoha