My relationship with my older brother

> Ponta-sama

They lost their parents in their 20s, and since then they have become brother and sister. There must have been a lot of heartbreak, but I think the two of them were able to walk along while helping each other.
Maybe they both have families now, but after all, a real brother and sister are a special relationship, and I want to cherish it.

But now, a rut has arisen due to money lending and borrowing. I think it's natural that you can't really laugh even when you meet them face to face.

I don't understand your older brother's personality or situation, so I can't say anything about it, but is there a loose side to money? Or will she be spoiled just because she's my little sister? Either way, I'm in trouble.

Even if you say things like “Buddhism preaches abandoning obsessions” or “think that the money you lent was given and forget it,” I don't think it will reach Ponta.

After all, I myself had a similar experience, and the feeling of being confused when I touched it came back to life. It has faded over the years, but I can't forget it at all.

I don't think it's likely that the money I loaned from my older brother will come back. Therefore, it may be difficult for the confusion to go away.

It can't be helped. My older brother is important, but money is important too!
I don't think there's any need to feel ashamed of that mess.

Ponta-sama

There are places where even humble thoughts are that nothing is as difficult as love between immediate family members. I know that it would have been difficult for the Buddha to attain enlightenment without breaking love between immediate family members and becoming a monk, and it also seems that he fully understood the difficulty of indoctrinating immediate family members and relatives.

Now, under normal circumstances, I know that it is often only when we become close relatives that we expect, trust, rely on, and take it for granted.

Therefore, while Ponta-sama's love for her only sibling is twice as strong as anyone else, I presume that it is unavoidable to some extent that rudeness deepens even more against her older brother's lack of sincerity and injustice about repayment of money, and dissatisfaction is raised to some extent.

What you have to be careful about is that this rut, the greater your dissatisfaction, the love you have for your older brother could turn into hate this time...

Just as there are words “too much cuteness is a hundred times more hate” and “love and hate are on top of the line,” they often cause major tragedies due to the depth of that love.

Older brothers, on the other hand, probably expect, trust, rely on, and are spoiled by their younger sister Ponta-sama, so if they are in trouble from now on, they may still think that they can still lend money, so if you completely and categorically refuse, it is possible that your older brother's love for Ponta-sama may turn into hate all at once.

Therefore, in order not to become people who hate each other, we decided to take this opportunity to have discussions with each other firmly with third parties and guarantors, and after frankly clarifying the family circumstances, living conditions, income and expenditure status of both parties, clearly tell your older brother that if Ponta can't afford it, you can't lend any more, and make a settlement to some extent about how debts up until now should be handled, and For example, my older brother's family is in need due to unavoidable circumstances, and if they can receive support from public institutions, I think it would be good to be able to continue the relationship from now on in a form where they are mutually satisfied.

I sincerely pray that Ponta-sama's rut with her older brother about money loans will disappear, and that the day will come when we can talk with a real smile.

Gassho

Hello Ponta.

They lost their parents in their 20s, and later became brother and sister. Ponta's hard work is immeasurable. With that in mind, I will be happy to answer your questions.

Your question is about your older brother and money, right?
They lent me quite a bit of money, but I have to return it. Even though I think I'm about to give up, I'm still a little confused.
They say “brothers and sisters who have always been on good terms.” But what is it like now? Even though we haven't met in a long time (I wonder if my older brother is thinking properly about money) (I wonder if he's willing to pay) (he might lend me money again) (my older brother's family also has various things) (huh, if I think about this), I think about a lot of things. I can't laugh at all, I think that's okay.

“He's the older brother, so I want him to be solid.”
But right now, my older brother is probably having a bit of a hard time too.
“I want you to help me,” but no one understood the hardships and didn't listen properly to the story.
But I'm glad I'm here. There's no such thing as being found by bad people, being used strangely, and getting stuck...

There is some relief here. “But”.

The best solution would be for my older brother to pay back, saying, “It was all my fault, I'll return the money properly.”
But that doesn't seem to be the case.
I wonder if the “but” salvation here was given an opportunity to review the fundamentals...
One example is to show sincerity (I'm confused, so I want to resolve it, I want to be a close brother and sister), get involved (use loan documents, lawyers, families of both parties, etc.), and try to resolve it without slurping (set a deadline).

You have big and small worries about your older brother and money, don't you think? I understand how embarrassing it feels; everyone hasn't shown it.
I hope the day will come when I'll be able to laugh properly with my older brother.

To Ponta-sama

Money issues are always disgusting.
If possible, I'd like to avoid being siblings or relatives.

Why don't you actually talk to your older brother about money?
By the way, how did you respond when you blamed them?

After all, siblings want to get along well.
In particular, they are the only family linked by blood.
Brothers talk about what they want to say and what they think.
Isn't that the best?

A relationship where they became siblings due to a relationship.
I'm sure there's a way beyond that.
Gassho

You won't get your money back. (-_-)
Or rather, the fortune will increase when the person who intended it comes back ^_^
When you lend something to someone, you won't get it back unless you lend it with the intention of giving it to someone. (Testimonials)

If you have enough of the contents in your own bucket and something is going to spill out, I think I should help for something else. However, continuing to lend money to someone without money just because they have money doesn't actually benefit that person.
What really benefits your older brother? ^_^
Here, I think the older brother will support them so that they can become firmly financially and mentally independent.
If you spend money to the point where your own life is poor, it will be unreasonable.
At times like that, you should keep it to the point where you give them food, not money. That's because I can live.

The most important thing to avoid is becoming a negative dependency.
It's hard to borrow money, and when they ask you to be a guarantor, the hardest person to refuse. It's about refusing categorically.
Moreover, if you are in a high position on the side that comes carelessly about money, there is no need to stand up or be a good person just because you are younger (^ω^)
What's more, if your older brother is spending money on waste, gambling, etc., you should never lend it. They have a strict attitude, don't just lend money, admonish reason, and do things other than money that would benefit your older brother.
That is what really “for” the other party.
Think about things that will be “for” your opponent and for your own “good,” and act.

Instead of money, you should contact them frequently and support them so that their work gets back on track.
Lending money easily isn't the only thing that really benefits your partner.