Pressure from father-in-law

When my daughter was born, my father-in-law, who came to see my daughter at the maternity hospital, told me many times, “If it were a boy, I wouldn't say anything.” I say “you're a boy” to my daughter, and even now that my daughter is 2 years old, she still says “boys were good.”
I can't forgive my father-in-law saying such things to my daughter to my precious daughter who was born well.

And the other day, when I found out about my second pregnancy and reported it to my parents-in-law, my father-in-law said, “If it's still going well from now on, a boy would be good.” Gender is determined during insemination, so there's no way you can make it in time. When I said, “Being pregnant is a miracle, so either gender is fine,” she said, “I'll be in trouble if I'm not a boy next ‼”.

Even if I talk to my husband, they don't get along, and my mother-in-law says back to my father-in-law a little bit, but my father-in-law doesn't listen.
And I had an initial miscarriage for the second time.
Even when I reported it, my father-in-law said again, “Next is a boy who looks like an eagle ‼”.
Even though I just had a miscarriage, I don't know if my next child will look like my father-in-law or what gender. That's not something I can control.
That's enough, I'm sick of it.
I too have a limit of patience. I'm afraid I'll end up in a fight with my father-in-law if I leave it like this.

4 Zen Responses

Men must think carefully before speaking...

I'm sorry for the pressure from Sawa's father-in-law, so it's painful.

Women have a hard time with men's selfish, heartless words, don't they?

I don't know why my father-in-law is so particular about boys,
As values in the olden days, it seems that there are high expectations for men, such as heirs of a house or inheriting the family line.

The father-in-law doesn't say anything to his husband (son), does he?
“Please don't tell me!”
and there is no choice but to run away. There's no point in fighting.
Rather than that, it's still better to talk more with your husband, complain about Sawa-san's pain, and ask your father-in-law to give him more consideration.

Grandchildren are cute
Girls are cute too
I have to make them understand that too.

It's best not to worry about it, but I think it's difficult just for my family.
It would be nice if people could understand it by saying it back with a smile to the extent that they don't get into a fight.

Tomorrow will be fine.

I'm going out with my family tomorrow, so I'm in trouble if the weather doesn't clear up. I hung the Terry Shining Boy under the eaves, but unfortunately it was raining. There is the term Madam Soleil Madam Soleil. It means sunny woman in French. This is not realistically possible. No matter where you go, it's 100% unlikely that the weather will clear up. Even in the desert, it rains or snows. There is no place on this earth where it doesn't rain. The same goes for kids. It's a gift. People don't have any offense at all, but I think there are times when they clash with their own hopes. They express their feelings so that their favorite sumo wrestler or baseball team would win, without being aware of their opponent's situation or environment at all. I felt that when I read your question. Can't you think of this as just your father's soliloquy? It's a completely ridiculous story, and tomorrow will clear up! It's the same as saying. It's impossible. Being frustrated by the impossible just makes you tired. What's more, now is a time when both mind and body need rest. Why don't you keep a distance from your father if you're not feeling well, try not to see him, and rest your mind? First of all, the three parents and children are happy. I hope you have a great time. I wish you happiness. Jōkō-ji

Your child's happiness is up to you.

Hello, Sawa.

You're struggling with your father-in-law's heartless words, aren't you?
I get caught up in words because I think my father-in-law is someone who should worry about me.
Think of your father-in-law's words as a foreign language in a country you don't know and listen to them. It's a word you don't care about if you don't know what they're saying (laughs).

Your father-in-law is not responsible for raising your child. Your husband and you do it. The responsibility lies with you and your husband. Please be careful about raising children with your husband. The father-in-law is another person who is not responsible for raising children. You don't need to worry about your father-in-law's words.

Not limited to my father-in-law, there are many times when I am told heartless words from others. Getting caught up in it is proof that you have a narrow heart. Being told that you're stupid and getting angry is painful when it's pointed out because you recognize yourself as stupid. I don't care at all if I don't think I'm stupid.

My father-in-law's words are on that level.

Don't worry about your father-in-law and raise your children well. Gassho

Very painful words are being thrown at you.

My grandson said, “If he's not a man!” I think my father-in-law's words are certainly words expecting a lot, but I also think they are pretty selfish.
It is said that the second child also had an early miscarriage, and in such an environment, even if they wanted to be born, they probably wouldn't be born.

I'll change the angle slightly, but I think children are born by choosing their parents.
I was born as a child of this father and mother, and I think I'm going through this life.
In that case, I think they also choose whether they are male or female.

They were not born by their parents without permission; they are born into this world because they have a very deep relationship. A father-in-law is ideal for a father-in-law to “give birth to a man,” and from the perspective of a child being born, it is the child's life, and it is an experience that includes a lot of joy, anger, and sorrow in a deep relationship with the parents (including the father-in-law, of course), so there is also such an idea in the words being said by the father-in-law this time. Why don't you just let it go?

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