I'm frustrated by my husband's words and actions even though I'm a newlywed

I'm a woman in her mid-thirties. My husband is in his early 40's.

Although I'm a newlywed, I've become very frustrated with my husband's daily words and actions, and I'm worried because I sometimes get so angry and cry that I wonder if I've become ill myself.
They met through the introduction of relatives, and by chance they had something in common at work, hit it off, and the relationship period was short, leading to marriage.
My husband is self-employed and works hard, so I currently help my husband with the office work and the site, and I am taking care of housework and cats while going to a driving school.
It was hard to get a reservation at the driving school, and I finally progressed to street training last month, but my husband rushed me to say it wasn't ready yet. There's still plenty of time until the rest of the year, but my husband always told me to get it early from the time I enrolled.
Also, even when I'm tired and can't do housework, I'm told that I haven't done housework recently, and when I work in the field, I get into work without being taught the procedure, and I'm scolded over and over again that I can't do it without being able to do it, and they say things don't go the way I want.
In terms of everyday life, they often wander around completely naked, have many likes and dislikes when cooking, sleep without taking a bath when they are tired, often stain the toilet bowl and floor with urine, take off clothes and leave trash behind, etc., and I have told them many times, but there was no improvement.
My husband is responsible for all of the financial aspects, and I am grateful for that aspect.
But don't listen to me anything else, so what? It was expressed coldly, and I got enteritis last week, probably because I was stressed by the life where they said they would talk to me about what I wanted to talk about.
Although they say they want to build a warm family, they can't talk about unfriendly relationships, and they have a relationship like a boss and subordinate since they got married.

Also, I said that I didn't like living in an office about my new house, but we had a lot of discussions and ended up living in an office. There is a bar counter on the first floor, so living is inconvenient, and the room is a studio and I can't take a break because I live according to my husband's lifestyle. My husband's occupation is a professional, but the rent is cheap and he seems to have rented his current office. I was reluctantly convinced, and I also have my own responsibilities, but to be honest, I regret it.

Recently, crying has increased, and my husband has come to say that I'm crazy, there is no one who understands the current situation, and my sense of loneliness is increasing day by day.
Also, since I just got married, I think I can work a little harder, and since I'm unemployed, I quickly hesitate to get divorced.

I'm sorry for the long sentence. Is there a way to not get annoyed with my husband?
Please give me some advice.

4 Zen Responses

Thank you for your question.
Maybe my husband's parents were the husband Kanpaku.
Also, if you help your husband with his work, you may have the illusion that there is a hierarchical relationship between a superior and a subordinate, even though the couple are originally equal.
“You haven't done housework,” is a bit cold, isn't it? I think a normal husband would say you don't have to overdo it. Even when I couldn't do my job, it wasn't “why couldn't I do it,” but “what was difficult?” I think it's normal to hear that.
When it comes to everyday life, I can't talk about people either, so please think men are like that.
It's not good not to listen, but men aren't good at listening to long stories, so I think it's better to just keep the main points brief. I didn't say “so anything” because it was offensive; it was probably because there was so much content (for my husband) that I couldn't organize it in my husband's head.
It's sad not to be able to talk or be unfriendly. even though they're still newlyweds.
I think it's my husband's fault that he's crazy even when he's crying. This alone makes me want to recommend divorce. Why do we usually cry? I'll ask about that, right?
The first way to not get frustrated is to know that men's and women's brains work differently. I often hear that men seek solutions, but women seek empathy.
Even so, I think my husband's attitude is a bit terrible. I don't feel loved, and I wonder what a married couple is. Even though they are newlyweds, keep divorce in view, have a strong feeling that the couple is equal, pay attention to the bad points of your husband like candy and whip, praise what has been done well, and create a marital relationship unique to the two of you. If that doesn't work, let's get divorced before my heart gets sick. If you are mentally ill, it will interfere with your work and life after divorce.
I'm worried about the future, but I'm rooting for your future.

It's about not putting up with it

Yama-san is in her mid-30s, and her husband is in her early 40s.
Once I got married, I had a difficult newlywed life.

Self-employed with hard work and on-site help. I was rushed to wonder if the driving school I go to because it's convenient to have legs hasn't been acquired yet,
 I was reminded of housework that I wasn't able to do because I was tired,

If I make a mistake in the work procedure, I'm being lied to,
 I wander around completely naked, have a lot of likes and dislikes cooking, and when I'm tired, I go to the bath.
The way to use the toilet is also dirty, clothes are taken off and messy, and trash is left

Don't listen to Yama-san's story, so what? and a cold way of saying

I've been made to live in an office since I got married,

The room is a studio. What's more, the room was tailored to my husband.

If you knew about this life before you got married, you probably weren't married?

I don't think anyone likes it

My husband told me I was crazy when I cried...

It's complete admirable power harassment, moral harassment.

It can also cause enteritis.

Some single sole proprietorship men are looking for women who are convenient for them, regardless of their job type.

Being alone would get a flat tire, so I want someone like a manager. But it's expensive to hire staff, so I'll let my wife do it.

She's my wife, so help me out in public and private, because I'm feeding her...

For example, let's say there is a small privately owned Japanese restaurant or greengrocer.

They are on good terms, have a taste that only a married couple can do, and it has a nice atmosphere.

However, for the most part, this kind of success pattern is based on the wife being deeply in love with her husband, and the wife wants to be with her both in public and private.

The relationship hasn't been built, so this feels like an imposition.

If you like your husband, you will have a good relationship over the next few years, and you may feel joy at the merits of domestic help.

By that time, clothes that are left undone can't help but subside.

My husband has made a mistake in the order, is putting too much load on Yama-san, and I feel that he is mistaken about the purpose of the marriage.

In this day and age, such marriages are black.

Once, I feel that discussions are necessary, and it seems like they are carrying out power balance,

Once you go back to your parents' house, I think it's necessary to keep a distance and let the other person think.

Please use anything, even if you have a false illness, to somehow preserve your energy and physical strength.

Cherish your newlywed life, your own space, and your time!

Even if your husband doesn't seem to understand, do something about it and make that effort so that they can understand you.

First of all, please rest both mentally and physically

I read it.
I read that you are exhausted from living with your husband. I don't know the details about you and your husband, but I can tell you that you are having a very hard time. I understand your feelings from the bottom of my heart.

I think the newlywed life is being forced into a very difficult situation. I think you're exhausted from living with your husband.
First of all, please relax and rest yourself. Tell your husband that you're exhausted and have reached your limit and let him rest. Also, take good care of yourself and recover little by little.

On top of that, please think carefully about the future for yourself. If you keep it that way, you'll get sick. I think the marriage between you and your husband will go bankrupt if you don't improve your husband's lifestyle.

Please respect each of you and your husband, calm down and face the future, and talk about it carefully. And please make a decision between the two of you.

I sincerely pray that you and your husband will live an irreplaceable life richly and happily from the bottom of your heart, so that you and your husband can sincerely respect and be compassionate about each other, that you and your husband can first rest and heal your mind and body, and face the future ahead. We wholeheartedly agree

The current relationship between the couple isn't equal, is it?

That's tough, isn't it?
I also read the thank-you reply.

Even though they're still newlyweds, there isn't much communication or kinship between the couple. I think that is also the reason why it doesn't lead to peace and comfort.

Also, since you got married to your husband's environment, it's unfamiliar to you, but your husband's environment hasn't changed from before. More than that, I feel like I'm treating my wife as a “person or subordinate who takes care of her personal surroundings.”

Doing the same work is the same at home and at work, the living space and work environment don't change, and it makes me feel breathless. Temple families are also vague about such parts and lines, so those who decide the rules firmly will be able to spend their time feeling safe and secure.

Women are worried, and it conveys the feeling that you are undertaking office work and personal affairs. However, the current relationship between the couple is not equal, is it? The composition is a wife who follows her husband. If your husband treats you on an equal footing, he will respect you and be thankful and thankful for you who are working hard even though you are unfamiliar with it. However, I don't feel that is my husband's attitude.

I'm also concerned about my husband's moral temperament.
If your husband is a professional, you can also obtain qualifications to support and support your work from a back office or practical standpoint. If you do that, they will recognize you as a necessary partner at work. Please get paid too.

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