Am I overthinking things?
Nice to meet you.
I've been thinking about life in my own way for a long time, since I was in middle school.
When I was young, I tried to live properly (in simple terms, basic things I learn in morality), and I thought that it would make me happy.
However, looking back until now, correctness has been a different presence in my life than being happy.
Why do they lie, why do they talk backwards, why aren't they kind, why don't they stand in the other person's shoes and talk, why are they hurt and hurt...
By having these kinds of meaningless questions and continuing to think about them, I think there are times when I have made my loved ones feel stifled and sad. In fact, I've been told that I can't live that properly and that it's painful to watch you...
Also, probably because I'm too obsessed with correctness, I can't do anything when I think that my strong desires to be fulfilled above all else can only be achieved on the grief of others, and my head and heart often scream due to contradictions with emotions and feelings that cannot be digested.
(Of course, there are times when I can't control it. (At that time, I screamed out of self-loathing...)
What happened at that time was, “People live in this world to suffer. By suffering and karma in this world, people live to break out of the circle of reincarnation.” That was one sentence.
It's a strange story, but I felt so saved. I felt like I was told that there is no need to be happy, and that it is not wrong to suffer in search of correctness.
However (it's been a pretty long preface...) it's really fundamental, but to be honest, I also wonder if it's necessary to think this far and live.
If you talk like this to people close to you, they'll tell you that you don't have to think that far.
Am I... thinking too much?
Is it healthier to be a little more carefree and seek happiness...
(However, even now, I'm by no means unhappy, and I'm living days where I'm rather ungrateful, so the word happy may be a bit misleading...)
I'm sorry that the content was so long that it was so difficult to convey the intention. I was able to write out the words in my head as honestly as possible.
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